Pakistan to extend all possible and impossible assistance to India

Pakistan’s ‘nano’ PM Pant Geelani has vowed to assist India in “every possible and impossible way” to bring the perpetrators of Pune blasts to book. He made his statement of empathy while delivering his keynote address at a thinly attended meeting organized by the Anti-India Jehadi forum in Karachi on Monday.

“We stand shoulder to shoulder with India in this hour of darkness. We are completely aware of the pain and suffering in India at this moment as we are also victims of terrorism. It is a different issue that our terrorism is home grown but we victims none the less,” Geelani said.  When asked as to what help Pakistan will render, Geelani said “We have postponed the next edition of the Kashmir solidarity meet and asked our terrorists not to threaten India directly at meetings, but focus instead on adopting the time-tested route of issuing threatening videos on You Tube. We will also help bring the culprits behind the blast to justice. Even if they are hiding underneath my wife's bed, we will uncover them and put them through a sham trial”.

ISI eyeing overseas assets
In line with its assertion that it won’t allow its soil to be used for terrorist activity directed against any country, Pakistan has asked the ISI to scout for overseas acquisitions to build and expand its terror infrastructure. “I can safely say that in the future no terror attacks will be traced back to Pakistan as our Jehadi training camps, drug trafficking networks and gun runners will be based outside our borders. ISI will be acquiring and developing overseas terror infrastructure to help Pakistan maintain a squeaky clean image abroad. A special fund, derived from the dole we get from US, has been created for this purpose,” Geelani said.

Meanwhile Pakistan’s minister for ISI, donkey breeding and yellow fever, Mullah Somar has thanked India for not implicating the organization for the Pune blasts. “I was waiting for the statement to come, but since it didn’t we are glad. India should understand that we only fund and motivate these jehadis; we have no control over the targets they choose or the other details. So its unfair to blame us…we already have a lot of explaining to do as far as supporting the terrorists in Afghanistan is concerned. So please leave us alone for a while,” Somar said.”