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You still don’t know Arnab Goswami: 10 new facts about the Republic tv anchor

Still, claim to know Arnab Manoranjan Goswami? Well here are some new facts about the selectively patriotic anchor. You have seen them first here.  • Arnab once grilled his third standard English teacher for 3 hours to force her to confess that she didn’t know why ‘K’ is silent in a knife. “This is part of a deep-seated conspiracy to undermine the very foundations of learning. A conspiracy that runs across the corridors of powers that be and ends at the edge of our universe,” Arnab told his teacher. The lady fainted and quit teaching. It is said that she hasn’t recovered from her trauma yet. • During his element and compound analysis practical classes in high school, Arnab kept a chunk of solid sodium on his tongue once. The chunk dissolved and vaporized. His tongue was not affected a wee bit.  • Arnab was punished many times by his school for tampering the amplifier in the school auditorium during debates. Arnab used to just head across to the backstage and minimize the volume of the

Republic TV TRP scam: viewers were watching the channel 36 hours a day

According to sources tapped by Humor Unplugged, the TRP scam perpetrated by tsunami mouth and news autocrat Arnab Goswami and his wife Pipi Sambar Goswami runs deeper than what is being reported. Our investigation has revealed some facts that are as shocking as Arnab’s love for TRPs. The findings have been handed over to the relevant authorities. We and all three readers of this blog are now awaiting strong action on the report submitted by us today morning.  Here are some of the findings reported to TV rating research firm Bogus Audience Research Firm (BARF) whose reports were cited by Arnab and Republic TV to claim extraordinary viewership: • Republic TV was being watched by toddlers as young as 2-months old. According to the channel’s TRP manipulation wing, the channel was the most popular one among 1-4-year olds across households • Republic TV was the channel of choice for toddlers while they were being fed with Arnab’s weekly 9 PM rant being the most preferred slot for toddlers to

Pakistani troops operating in Azerbaijan, confirms defense ministry

In what has been termed as a disclosure, conflict republic Azerbaijan has confirmed that a detachment of Pakistani troops is operating on its soil very close to the conflict zone. This admission came in a late evening chat between Humor Unplugged and Azerbaijani defense minister Zakir Hasanov. While admitting the presence of pakistani troops, Hasanov outlined the reason for their presence as well. “There is a very specific reason for them (pakis) being on our soil. They are part of a complex plan drawn by my ministry to cater to a specific eventuality,” Hasanov said. He however declined to spill the beans on the specific contingency his ministry was considering. He claimed that he was not at liberty to disclose the reason. When pressed further and when we told him that speaking to Humor Unplugged is akin to shouting in a vacuum as we have just enough visitors every month to tell Google that the site is alive, he was more forthcoming. “You know the pakistani army is a very specializ

India deploys Times Now’s Navika Kumar and Republic TV on the India-Tibet border; China pulls back

Making another aggressive move, the Indian government today deployed a series of weapons to deter china across India’s border with Occupied Tibet in Ladakh. The weapons include UAVs, communication interceptors, weaponized choppers, and a weapon that drew an angry response from the other side. The move that riled china was the deployment of India’s national news aunty, Arnab Goswami's mother-in-law and self-confessed news vulture Navika Kumar at a strategic pass on the Line of Actual Control. Navika Kumar was carried to the location in a modified Mi-26 chopper with additional fuel pods and other undisclosed modifications. She was taken from the Hindon Airbase early noon yesterday. As soon as she was deployed, she took over a few tents and got down to work immediately. Her team in Delhi meanwhile hacked into Snapchat messages of chinese troops deployed on the border and passed them on to Navika who broadcast them on loudspeakers. The messages were downright embarrassing and funny.

Investment advisor thrashed for claiming mutual funds and SIPs suck

 A bunch of rowdies and mutual fund hooligans roughed up an investment advisor who recommended people stay away from Mutual Funds and SIPs and stop treating them as investment options. The incident coming in the way of all kinds of violence in Mumbai shook the city cops as well as commoners and put the spotlight back on the mutual funds and SIPs.  The sequence of events began with a 35-year old techie asking for advice for investing advice on creating a retirement corpus of 3 crores two decades down the line. The request was made to an investment advice column of a prominent newspaper.   The techie also asked for advice on which mutual funds should he consider for this purpose. In response, the investment advisor wrote. “Mutual funds are for lazy people who are too lazy to figure out good investment avenues. It is a passive investment vehicle and recommended by people who want to eye your money. I mean look at it this way. Instead of paying fund managers and asset management compan

China's Global Times hacked. Displays true stories for the first time ever

Yes, you have heard it right. World's biggest bull****ing publication run by Chinese bot-heads Global Times was hacked in the wee hours of today morning. Instead of defacing the website, hackers chose to post true stories that they found hidden in their data server.  The result was that for the first time, a Chinese publication spoke the truth. The stories included a series of admissions. China accepted the fact that it was responsible for Coronavirus becoming a global pandemic. China also admitted that it's People Liberation Army (PLA) was no match for the Indian Army.  A senior Chinese bureaucrat was quoted admitting that China had stolen tech from US for its fighter aircraft, nuclear plants and warships. The funniest part was where Global Times goes hammer and tongs on China's vassal states pakistan and North Korea. "These two states have mortgaged their lands and future to China and put together, they are as useful as a plague for the people of China," accordi

Arnab Goswami receives the first consignment of drugs, thanks supporters

After his drug do, drug do, drug do, mujhe drug do, mere liye gaanja laao, charas laao, ecstasy laao rant went viral, a leading underworld figure stepped in and sent Arnab all the drugs he had asked for in that late evening rant. “Since the last few weeks, Arnab has been showing withdrawal symptoms. He was only asking 13 questions to everyone he met during his morning jog instead of the usual 57. We were worried about him. I was told he had run out of some designer drug that he used to take. Today morning when I met him., he was in his elements. He greeted me by calling me an urban Naxal, asking me to prove my Indianness and claiming that I had lowered the dignity of the country by ordering vegetables online. That’s the Arnab I have always known. He seems to be fine now,” said a neighbor. Sources as reliable as a position taken by Kangana Ranaut, have told Humor Unplugged that a vendor who supplies Goswami with custom ‘grass’, had gone out of service after the prolonged lockdown in Mum