Showing posts from 2013

Khobragade fallout: American puppet NGO rejects funds from the US

Its not just the Indian government that has decided to initiate strong steps against the US for their action against Indian diplomat Devyani Khobragade. Yesterday, a group that is spearheading the protest against the Kudankulam Nuclear Power Project rejected a fresh tranche of $1 million released by a US NGO to register their 'anguish' over the 'unwarranted' US action.

The so called People’s Movement Against Nuclear Energy (PMANE) returned the money at a grand function organised in Chennai. “We have decided to return the money to our US handlers to show solidarity with a fellow citizen and to attract some publicity to our dying cause. We will not be taking this money at all even though without this money, even the 3 people who are the last remaining PMANE members may decide to walk off. This shows our guts, resolve and the confusion prevailing in our minds,” a PMANE release said.

PMANE co-ordinator S. P. Udayakumar was in Disneyland, Florida on a 'official' tr…

Why did North Korea’s Kim Jong-un spare his aunt?

The aunt of North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has survived her husband's downfall and execution, and was named to an ad hoc state committee over the weekend. The reason behind her survival is not Kim’s magnanimity but is instead due to a promise she made to Kim Jong.

Yi Kya Hui, the aunt of Kim Jong was spared after she promised not to nag the boy blunder over the growing size of his waistline. It seems on a prior occasion, at a family gathering, Hui replaced the photo of Kim Jong on the family dinner table with that of a polar bear. Kim Jong was quite distressed seeing the pic. He was more annoyed when Hui while giggling stated that compared to Kim Jong, the polar bear appears to be malnourished.

Kim was so angry that day that he only had one bottle of Nutella as compared to the 7 he has for dinner. But later on, when threatened, Hui offered to mend her ways and promised Kim that she would never discuss his weight, ever.  That statement appears to have saved her from imminent exec…

Employee affected by bad appraisal seeks national debate

The appraisal season has brought much gloom and doom in Bangalore. An employee of a bellwether IT firm claims that his employer handed him a bad appraisal. He was so angry with the IT firm that he called for a national debate on his performance and asked the Indian government to convene a special parliament session to discuss his case.

Eaheinomauwe (not his real name) says “when people can call for a national debate on all sorts of issues, they can also have one on my performance in 2013. My manager says my performance was exceptional and that I had a wonderful future waiting for me. But he also said that I had certain weak areas which  needed work and so to incentivise my efforts, he told me that he was giving me a oki-dokie rating and a less than industry average hike. This is grossly unfair”.

Eaheinomauwe added that he wanted his appraisal to be taken up in the ongoing winter session of parliament and that it would be great if Arnab Goswami could grill his immediate manager and hi…

Nawaz Sharif is farther away from earth than India’s Mars spacecraft: Pakistan Army

In a moment of unrestrained candor, Pakistan today admitted that its premier and most citizens were not in touch with reality when it came to matters concerning India. The admission was made by none other than Pakistan’s new army chief General Raheel Sharif at an army ceremony in GHQ in Rawalpindi on Tuesday.

“Mian Sharief (Nawaz Sharif) claims that Pakistan army will give a disproportionate response to any Indian misadventure. Now, what does he mean? Has he seen the size of the Indian Army? Anything we do will obviously be disproportionate. Our standard response when it comes to war with India has always been hit and run as far as you can from the battlefield and I don’t see that changing in my lifetime or yours,” General Sharif said.

“When it comes to India and her capabilities, we cannot even sustain a stone-age conflict. Sharif and most of my fellow citizens talk as though we can engage in a conflict of any nature and size with India. For such weed smokers, I only have one thing …

Times Now's Arnab Goswami releases the Arnab doctrine

In a move designed to stamp his authority over the Indian media landscape, Times Now’s Editor in Chief Arnab ‘the nation needs to know’ Goswami released a collection of media principles for TV journalists under the umbrella of ‘The Arnab Doctrine’ today. Among other things, the book lists out over 5000 ways to shut guests up and make a mockery of their presence in the studio.

The doctrine was launched at a well-attended ceremony held at Taj in Mumbai. In attendance were Bollywood’s grand poobah Amitabh Bachchan and Arnab’s former colleague and NDTV journo Nidhi Razdan. Speaking at the event, Arnab said “the whole purpose of having an interview is to ask questions and not to obtain answers. I mean anyone can give an answer but it takes a real journo to bury a guest under a barrage of questions and drown his ego in a river of queries”.

Next to speak was Amitabh Bachchan. As and when he started, Arnab interrupted him. “One minute Mr Bachchan, one minute, just a minute, hold on, one min…

The new Managing Editor of Tehelka

Say hello to the new managing editor of Tehelka magazine - the lady who will replace Shoma Chaudhury

Now Tehelka’s Tejpal accused of harassing cops

Tehelka editor Tarun Tejpal, who faces charges of sexual harassment by a journalist, has been accused of harassing cops who went to interrogate him.

The episode started with Goa cops landing up at Tejpal’s residence on Saturday morning. As soon as the cops walked in, Tejpal greeted them with a crisp “wothca" followed by aye-up me laddies and Ow do”. As soon as the cops heard these phrases, they looked at each other and froze in panic. They had forgotten their dictionaries at home. A junior SI was immediately dispatched to get a copy of the latest OED.

Meanwhile the cops sat down and pulled out a book to note Tejpal’s responses. Each question was answered by Tejpal in Queen’s English and though the dictionary arrived, it was of no use as there was no time to translate every word spoken by Tejpal. “Blimey, you Goa quangos have arrived here in your blues and twos to nick me? I refuse to sit on the hob and you will not get me there, do you hear? I have dossed enough! Now I seek to d…

Funny expression of the week


China lays claim on new Japanese island

A new volcanic island has poked its head above the surface of the ocean for the first time near Japan. but even before the island got a name, Asia’s perennial headache China, laid claim to the island and the resources on it.

The island was discovered when smoke was seen on the horizon and the coastguard went to see what was going on. Rather than finding a ship on fire, the volcanic island was discovered. As soon as the news spread, China got ready with a set of quickly created bogus papers which allegedly showed the presence of intruding Han Chinese on the island dating back to the 11th century. Chinese were not at all bothered by the fact that the island popped out just 43 hours back.

China also lost no time in sending an intrusive twin engine propeller driven poke plane over the island and threatened to wage a 1000 year long war (Pakistan style) if the island was not brought under Chinese occupation within the next 24 hours. The intrusive plane however scooted as soon Japan scrambl…

Navjot Sidhu threatens to go on a hunger strike

Former cricketer and commentator Navjot Singh Sidhu created a minor ruckus in the commentary box today after he was not allowed to recite Urdu couplets he had memorized. The incident occurred during the first one-day international played between India and West Indies in Kochi.

Everything was fine in the commentary box till Siddu got carried away when a West Indian wicket fell. As soon as Siddu saw the batsman walking back to the pavilion, he opened his mouth and recited one line. But before he could finish, his fellow commentator a flunky, who was the 15 man during Bangladesh’s first tour of India in the early cretaceous, stuffed a bottle of mineral water inside Siddu’s mouth.

Siddu was then told that the channel that was airing the commentary had barred him from uttering couplets and that was hammered into the contract Sidhu had signed. But Sidhu denied the charge following which he was shown a copy of the contract and asked to move out of the commentary box.

Things got messy at th…

Pakistan launches new warship to counter INS Vikramaditya

Sources in the Pakistan Navy have told Humor Unplugged that the new warship christened PNS Osama will be “huge” and “massive” and will be able to carry men and samosas to different ports in sunny weather. The ship has been named after Pakistan's most loved economic citizen Osama Bin Laden.

“The ship will help us counter India’s INS Vikramaditya. It is 100 percent waterproof. We have also deployed photoshop experts to make it appear more massive than it actually is. Eitherway I am sure the enemy is scared, if not at the ship then definitely at our stupidity. We have also deployed escort ships to protect PNS Osama,” Pakistan Navy Chief Mullah Gomar said.

Aamir Khan's commentary box appearance at Wankedhe - controversial moments

So we all saw Aamir sandwiched between a star struck Ravi Shastri and a giggly Harsha Bhogle. But did we actually hear what he said and see what he did? Now we are aware of the sensitivities here considering the fact that this is batting maestro Sachin Tendulkar’s last match. But need to say what we heard and saw else Humor Unplugged will just be another wannabe blog. So without further ado, we present to you the most controversial moments from Aamir's stint at the commentary box.
Aamir brought chocolates for Shastri and autographed atleast 8 books for him; none of which were written by Aamir including Shastri’s food coupon bookletWhat’s that on your head?? Certainly doesn’t look like hair to me. You shouldn’t be wearing living things on your head: Aamir to BhogleYou need to expand your vocabulary: Aamir to Shastri There are certain inherent imperfections in the game of cricket..which is why I don’t play this game: AamirKids are tiny imperfections: Aamir Khan on what Children’s Da…

Iranian space monkey defects to Afghanistan

In what could be considered as a major embarrassment for Iran, a monkey it had allegedly sent to space just a few months back has defected to Afghanistan. The defection was discovered on Sunday evening, when Iranian space agency (Al Space) officials were not able to trace the simian after he disappeared from his quarters and had not been reporting for duty for the past few days.

Meanwhile NATO sources reported detaining a monkey which had crossed over from Afghanistan with ‘sensitive papers’. The unnamed monkey was detained early Sunday morning at a sensitive airbase in the country and was being interrogated.

The monkey was part of Iran’s first sub-orbital space mission and had become a national hero in the country. He was infact so popular that one point of time the then Iranian president Mohammad Ahmadinejad had stated “the monkey is not what you should be paying attention to. We instead want you to focus on the capability of our scientists”.

It is still not know why the monkey de…

Shastrisms on India’s Mars Mission

Imagine Ravi Shastri giving a live commentary on India's Mars Mission. Well, thank god that didn't happen. But still, we have attempted to conjure up a scenario wherein the former Indian spinner spins a set of Shastrisms to cover what is arguably ISRO’s most proud moment yet. So over to India’s very own cliché man Ravi Shastri..

The weather is fantastic and ISRO scientists are all set for the agency’s maiden mars mission. The atmosphere here is electric. You can feel the tension in the air. It is almost as if you have missed an EMI payment on your credit card.  First Moon and now Mars; missions are coming through thick and fast for the IndiansTarmac report: It’s a dry tarmac with a bit of grass here and there. I wouldn’t call this tarmac 'juicy' but then, I don’t have a straw with me today. The tarmac is flat and launches will come aplenty.  It’s a big day for ISRO and a big day for IndiaThe Polar Satellite Launch Vehicle-C25 (PSLV-C25) is playing the role of sheet anc…

Pakistan mulling imposing sanctions on US: PM

World’s terror capital Pakistan is all set to review its relationship with Washington, the prime minister's office said on Sunday, following the killing of the Pakistani Taliban leader in a US drone strike. Pakistan, according to sources, is also considering imposing ‘punitive’ sanctions on United States.

Hakimullah Mehsud, who had a $5m (£3.1m, Pakistan Rs 3500 billion) bounty on his head, was killed on Friday in the north-western Pakistani militant stronghold of North Waziristan, near the Afghan border. The ‘cultivated’ Pakistani asset was instrumental in bringing in revenues of over US$ 300 mn to Pakistani spy agency ISI through drug trade and it was under his supervision Pakistan army extended its network of terror nurseries from 173 in 2003 to over 750 by the end of 2012.

Among the measures being considered include Pakistan using Chinese drones to bomb random areas in its North West to compete with drone attacks perpetuated by US drones.  Pakistan PMO sources told Humor Unpl…

Godman dreams of seeing news item in Times of India; sparks frenzy in Mumbai

Mumbaikars went to sleep on Thursday night in anticipation of the big day that lay ahead. A big time godman had dreamt of reading a newsitem in India’s own page 3 spreadsheet Times of India. It seems the godman Slipper Sarkar had dreamt on Wednesday night that the Times of India will publish a news item among the myriad ads it publishes, on Friday.

It maybe recollected that rumors of Times of India publishing news items has been around since quite sometime. Sources familiar with the print media sector opine that after Times of India stopped publishing news items about a decade ago, many from across India claim to have seen genuine news articles in the newspaper, every now and then. The reports are however far and few and categorized alongside UFO sighting reports.

“I am not too sure about the whole thing. It might turn out to be another futile gold chase. Times of India is not a newspaper anymore it is instead a giant advertising platform. There are ads everywhere and inbetween ads th…

Archaeological Survey of India sets up dream hotline

Archaeological Survey of India has set up a dream hotline where people can call in with their “gold related dreams” and the agency will send in people to dig and excavate.

The only condition is that the dream must come to a reputed person such as godmen, politicians involved in scams of over 50,000 crores or retired bureaucrats who are now working for companies that they were dealing with while they were in service with the Indian government.

In a special interaction with Humor Unplugged, Archaeological Survey of India director Dr. Syed Jamal Hasan today said that his organisation is dedicated to uncovering buried treasures and would rely solely on dreams by reputed people.

“It is to meet this goal that we have established a hotline where people can dial in and describe their dreams in detail. We will then dispatch a team of archaeologists to the site and commence the excavation process. There are many parameters that we will use to determine the priority such as amount of gold hidden…

Imran Khan faints as John Kerry goes dressed as a drone to meet him

Not many know that US Secretary of State celebrated Halloween in Islamabad.

It was a normal Thursday for Imran Khan till Kerry landed up at his doorstep dressed as a US predator drone complete with sound and scare. Here is how the events unfolded on the day that the cricketer turned politician will never forget.

At 6PM, Imran Khan finished his daily meeting with senior Talibani officials and stepped
out for a long walk in his lawn. As he was walking, suddenly Khan heard a swishing sound and turned around only to see a predator flying at ground level. Khan at first ducked and tried to hide screaming “I Love New York” and even tried to recite “Oh can’t you see”. Stress soon got the better of him as he fainted, rolled down a small mound and suffered a grade 1 wardrobe malfunction before coming to rest on a boundary wall.

It was then that the drone revealed itself or rather himself. It was none other than Kerry dressed up as a drone who had landed unannounced to celebrate Halloween in t…

India hits back at China; to offer spit pasted visas to travelers from Tibet, Xinjiang and Inner Mongolia

After years of putting up with diaper tantrums thrown by insecure commies from China, India has decided to pay China back using its own coins. Just days after China issued stapled visas to Indian citizens from Arunachal Pradesh, India has decided to issue not stapled, neither pinned, but spit pasted visas to travelers from countries occupied illegally by China. In effect India has recognized that these are nations that have been subjected to illegal occupation by a colonial China.

“We have a bought a machine that can spit paste visas to Chinese passports.
The spit is created artificially using organic waste generated from the parliament canteen. The idea is not to humiliate people from these areas but to remind China that India reserves its right to, and can pay China back in its own insecure currency. We are not even going to be stapling these visas or pinning them with rusted pins. It will simply be pasted at the back of the passports issued by the colonial Chinese government,” a …

US’ NSA spied on Indian PM too; but gave up soon

New claims emerged last night over the extent that US intelligence agencies have been monitoring the mobile phone of Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh.

A report in a US magazine said that the Indian PM’s mobile number had been listed by the NSA's Special Collection Service (SCS) since 2005 and may have been monitored extensively. It was still on the list – marked as "Indian mime" – for a brief period of time. However, sources say that the surveillance ended abruptly within months after it was enthusiastically taken up by NSA

The reason for this was the one-sided conversation Manmohan Singh used to have with his team of ministers and bureaucrats. “After monitoring his phone for nearly 90 days, we were unable to hear the Indian PM speak. It was always the person at the other end who used to speak and we could never ever hear the voice of the Indian PM. We initially believed that he (Manmohan Singh) was using another line, possibly a more secure one, for replying while …

PIL filed in Silichar court seeking ban on lifetime achievement awards

A multi-faceted PIL has been filed in the Silichar High Altitude court to prevent agencies from awarding lifetime achievement awards to prominent personalities as that was causing premature demise of important people. The court while admitting the PIL said that prima facie there seems to be some sort of logic to the whole quagmire and wanted to examine the issue in-depth.

The petitioner who wishes to remain anonymous claims that over 70 percent of
important personalities who received Lifetime Achievement Award from a government body or from a non-government agency passed away within two years of receiving it. He also claimed that a study conducted by Bollywood director Mahesh Bhatt showed that personalities who do not receive such awards on an average live a decade more when compared to recipients.

“Because of this trend, we have started losing many important people. Infact some have started using these awards as a tool to meet their own nefarious goals and that is bad,” the petitio…

Nawaz Sharief locked in dispute with wife, seeks US intervention

Pakistani Prime Minister and sandwich enthusiast Nawaz Sharief has called for US President Barack Obama’s direct intervention in what appears to be a classic case of domestic dispute. The request was made over the weekend during Sharief’s visit to Washington.

Now everyone knows that Sharief has asked for US intervention in the so called “Kashmir dispute”. But many in the media are not aware that the Pakistani PM has made a fervent appeal to the US president to also intervene in the ongoing fight between him and his wife that has threatened to destabilise his married life.

The whole affair started nearly a month ago when Sharief, a known sandwich aficionado, snuck out in the middle of the night for a quick snack. As he laid the first bite on the spoils of his midnight escapade, the first blow landed on his chin. Before he could gather his wits, he was thrashed mercilessly, gagged and stuffed in a gunny bag. The next morning, Islamabad police managed to extract him from a landfill in t…

Yeti was not related to Anil Kapoor: experts

One of the greatest mysteries of the Himalayas may have finally been solved or so claim scientists.

Genetic testing has led scientists to believe that the abominable snowman - the Yeti, actually existed but it was actually a cross between an ancient polar bear and brown bear. Hair samples from what is believed to be that of the Yeti have been found to genetically match that of an ancient polar bear dating back 120,000 years. The study was spearheaded by a team of Oxford scientists. Now this what all of us know but there’s an interesting twist to the story. Read on and find out what we are talking about.

The report that Oxford University scientists prepared refers to people having terrifying encounters with a large hairy, ape-like creature in the Himalayas. A prominent page three tabloid masquerading as a national daily running time pass programs that aim to promote peace between India and Pakistan picked up this line and claimed that the abominable Yeti was related to Indian actor An…

CBI issues clean chit to Lankan ruler Ravan

The Central Bureau of Investigation has found no substance in the allegation that former Lankan ruler and aviation enthusiast Ravan had indulged in kidnapping and unlawful confinement as mentioned in the epic Ramayan. In an affidavit filed before the Silichar High Altitude Court on Thursday, the CBI said it was not legally necessary to name Mr. Ravan as an accused in the case. The CBI was replying to an affidavit filed by anti-social activist Arindam Chaudhuri in the ongoing PIL in this case.

The agency also filed a “technical” closure report before the court and requested it to close the case without any further hearing. It may be remembered that Arindam Chaudhuri had filed a PIL in the high altitude court, which hears all frivolous and fancy PILs, asking for a CBI enquiry into allegations of kidnapping and illegal confinement against the original Richard Branson, Ravan. The court had then directed CBI to launch an immediate investigation and file a status report before it within 90 …

Deepika Padukone carries an ancient curse; astrologer warns boyfriends

Serial dater and alleged actress Deepika Padukone was an Egyptian princess in one of her earlier births and carries an evil curse or so said prominent astrologer and human pin cushion Bejunk Daruwalla.
The revelation was made by the astrologer at a thinly attended press meet in Mumbai on Sunday. Bejunk cautioned Padukone’s boyfriends stating that the association will bring them bad luck unless they perform a series of rituals and visit 78,979 temples over the next ten years.

Bejunk Daruwalla it may be recollected is a well known astrologer. He is also the official adviser to the Iranian government for its Monkeys rule space program.

“Her boyfriends will never be able to settle with her and they will always find bad luck coming their way as soon as the first article linking them with her is published. It is not their fault and Deepika Padukone is not to be blamed either. Deepika in one of her previous lives was the first wife of a promiscuous Egyptian king Pepi II who ruled Egypt arou…

India willing to talk to Cyclone Phailin

India is expected to suffer catastrophic impacts from Severe Tropical Cyclone Phailin, a Category 5 Hurricane, on Saturday and Sunday. Destructive winds well over 160 kph (100 mph) and flooding rain of at least 100-200 mm (4-8 inches) is expected across a wide area. The Indian government meanwhile announced that it is willing to talk to Cylone Phailin to sort out all outstanding issues in an 'amicable manner'.

“We are willing to discuss everything under the sun over several rounds of mindless discussions. Anything that kills or harms Indian citizens is worth talking to. Infact that is the only thing we do. It is either that or cricket diplomacy and we have been told that Cyclone Phailin doesn’t play cricket. So we are ready to negotiate on issues and we do understand that Cyclone Phailin has legitimate grievances and needs to be engaged in a series of timepass meetings and we will do exactly that," said External Affairs minister Salman Khurshid.

Sources in the government…

Google will provide “Jupiter’s escape velocity” to Blackberry

Quoting Rahul Gandhi’s famous lines, chief Eric Schmidt confirms Google’s interest in acquiring the Waterloo-based smartphone maker.

Google had so far not officially declared its intention to acquire a controlling stake in Blackberry. But all that changed late Tuesday night as a Rahul Gandhi inspired Eric Schmidt confirmed that he is now more than eager to pull Blackberry out of the mess that it is in.

“What Blackberry needs is Jupiter’s escape velocity to move away from the quicksand surrounding it and be back in the black. Earlier we were in two minds about putting our money on Blackberry but after hearing Rahul Gandhi, I am now convinced that we need to do this and if we don’t I don’t think anybody will. This is the need of the hour and we will rise to the challenge and uplift Blackberry with the power of Jupiter’s escape velocity,” Schmidt told Humor Unplugged over a Skype chat.

Terror training camp spotted on Pakistani quake island

A small island created in the Arabian Sea by the huge earthquake that hit southwest Pakistan has fascinated locals but experts say it is unlikely to last long. Even more interesting was the fact that within an hour of the island coming up in the Arabian Sea, a terror training camp was spotted on it by Indian intel satellites.

The 7.7-magnitude quake struck on Tuesday in Balochistan's remote Awaran district. Off the coastline near the port of Gwadar, some 400 kilometres (250 miles) from the epicentre, locals were astonished to see a new piece of land surface from the waves. It is not a small thing, but a huge rock like thingi which has emerged from under the water," Gwadar-based geologist Asim Rustam said explaining the scientific aspect of the episode.

The island was immediately occupied by Lashkar-e-newislandi, a terror group formed with assistance from the ISI and Pakistan army. The group has already established 50 tents on the island alongwith terror infrastructure and br…

Wife runs away with onion vendor, husband to sue the government

A guy from Bhopal whose wife ran away with an onion vendor plans to drag the union government to court over its failure to curb the soaring prices of essential commodities and for his wife not running away earlier.

Ammagaruqnik Uluriaq (name changed for privacy reasons), was upset because onion prices rose so late in the day. He has been married for almost a decade now. “I have been trying to get my wife to run away since ages and this has come so late in the day that I want to make someone pay here and I think the government is indeed a good choice. Besides my friends have urged me to sue the government for failing to control prices anyway so we are in effect targeting two missiles with one interceptor,” Uluriaq said.

When asked to what the government could have done to control prices, Uluriaq said the government should only allow prices to peak for a very short period of time and also share details on such a period with aggrieved partners, well in advance.

Union minister Kapil Siba…

Arnab Goswami will be the anger consultant for Deewar remake

The whole nation was wondering where Times Now editor-in-chief was over the weekend. The nation was missing him so much that #whereisarnab was trending on Twitter for almost 36 hours. Humor Unplugged’s investigations reveal that Arnab was with Yashraj films MD and owner Aditya Chopra and the two were discussing Arnab’s role in an upcoming movie based on yesteryear’s hit Deewar.

Humor Unplugged has learnt that Arnab has been roped in by Aditya Chopra to be the ‘anger consultant’ for the movie. As part of Arnab’s contract, he will provide inputs to the story writer(s) and screenplay experts connected with the movie. His primary KRA would be to shape the character played by Amitabh Bachchan in the original movie. Since the role was that of an angry young man, Arnab was apparently the perfect guy to help shape the script and the character.

“You cannot be more angry or outraged than Arnab. They say that when he was born, he didn’t cry. He simply had an angry look on his face. He was in fa…

Ram Gopal Varma to make a movie on tax raid on his house

Bollywood film maker Ram Gopal Varma (RGV) had an unexpected visitor on Wednesday – the service tax officials. The tax officials knocked on the doors of the film maker’s Millat Nagar office in Andheri at 2 pm and stayed in there till 10.30 pm. They only left after RGV started playing some of some of his movies in front of the tax officials.

While the raid was on, RGV was busy filming the whole incident. Sources close to the filmmaker (we could just find one random guy) told us that Varma is planning to make a movie on the raid. “The movie will hit the floors next week and will be released by end of September. The cast has been finalized and the script will be finalized once the shoot is over. In fact RGV was using photoshop for over 5 hours yesterday to develop the poster for the movie,” the source said.

Ram Gopal Varma is known in Bollywood circles as a disaster movie specialist since most of the movies he produces and directs have turned into big time disasters at the box office.

Indian PM accidentally issues a clean chit to Syrian President Bashar

Indian PM Manmohan Singh accidentally gave a clean chit to Syrian president Bashar al-Assad today. The clean chit was however withdrawn later, when the gaffe was discovered. A red-faced PMO also issued a clarification saying the intention was simply to remind Syria of its obligation to the UN and the global community and was not intended to be a clean chit.

The faux pax was committed at 10:00 am on Saturday by Pulok Chatterji, Principal Secretary in the Prime Ministers Office. In a statement purportedly issued by Chatterji on behalf of the Prime Minister. “The PM wants to point out that the procedure regarding the use of chemicals on civilians was a misrepresentation of facts and in tactic deviation from the existing procedure followed by the Syrian administration. Therefore the PM is not ready to yet believe in the use of chemical weapons by the Syrian regime. The whole episode is still unproven and we are willing to wait till an independent international body exonerates the Syrian a…

Arnab Goswami’s Newshour questions leaked, angry Arnab threatens to migrate

India’s primetime newshound Arnab Goswami was outraged to a BP level of 153/97 when he learnt that the questions he prepared for his evening show were leaked and someone was selling them outside the parliament building. An angry Arnab said that if the perpetrators of the crime were not apprehended, tried and awarded suitable and exemplary punishment, he would migrate to a Latin American country.

The leak was first reported by Arnab’s colleague Papaya Devi who was covering the parliament beat on Wednesday morning. When Lok Sabha was adjourned, Papaya Devi decided to treat herself to some snacks and walked across to a vendor in the parliament premises. As she came close to the vendor, she saw a sign that read “For sale Arnab Goswami’s Times Now questions for tonight”. The worst part was that some parliamentarians including a certain Coal minister were seen queuing up to purchase the questions.

She immediately informed Arnab who drove down to parliament and confronted the vendor who cla…

Man asks for 50,000 Facebook likes as dowry, gets pulped, arrested

In a shockingly disgusting and vile development, a man from a town in UP was arrested by UP cops after he demanded 50000 Facebook likes from his fiancé’s family.

Chavvani Lal, a supervisor in a local manufacturing unit was engaged to Quynh-Anh Lam (name changed) and the two were supposed to marry each other in September. Everything was fine between the two till one day, Lal asked Lam for a few thousand likes as dowry. When Lam reminded Lal that giving and taking dowry was illegal, the he claimed that 'likes' were not a tangible entity and didn't have any monetary implication of any sort.

“I just want about 50000 likes for posts by me, my mom and dad. You have a big family and it’s just a question of setting up Facebook accounts for everyone, adding each other as friends and liking our posts. It is that simple. I am not asking for money or Kiwano Melon chips,” Lal said firmly. Before he could even finish, a lampshade flying at 30 kmph hit him and he fell. Lam had thrown th…

Few unknown facts about Rajdeep Sardesai

As a kid Rajdeep once washed his hair with a Rin bar. He wanted to turn his hair white as snowHe spotted his first grey hair strand when he was in LKGHis favourite TV program during his childhood days was ‘Pappu ki news’ a current affairs based show for kids that used to air on DD. During his school days, his teachers would make him sit in the last bench facing the wall. This was because he had a tendency to stare at the teacher with zombie eyes, scaring the daylights out of his teachersRajdeep was a good batsman during his college days but he used to give running commentary on his batting while he was still at the crease. This used to irritate fielders To impress his college sweetheart, young Rajdeep used to hang around outside her hostel window and have a panel discussion each night to analyse the latest political developments – along with the hostel janitor and watchman  Whenever he and his wife go shopping, instead of bargaining with the shopkeeper, Rajdeep simply initiates a pane…

Chennai Express script files go missing

In what could be termed as an unbelievable development, Shah Rukh Khan owned Red Chilies Entertainment has claimed that the files related to the script for the movie Chennai Express were no longer in its possession. The claim was made in response to a Hebus Scriptus filed in local court in Mumbai by a group that is considered close to alleged director Mahesh Bhatt.

“Red Chillies has informed the highly honorable and worship worthy court that the script for the movie was no longer available with our firm. The files are currently missing and we have instituted an inquiry to be conducted by a committee headed by a retired Bollywood critic to investigate the incident and recover the missing files. We have also purchased a few clean chits, just in case few people are found guilty,” a Red Chilies spokesperson said.

When told that the movie Chennai Express was made without a proper script, Shah Rukh Khan got angry and got into a fight with a watchman at the press club office in Lower Parel. …

Raj Thackeray showcases riot collection

Maharashtra No Nirman Sena (MNS) chief Raj Thackeray today showcased his trademark riot tactics to a group of followers who had assembled outside his house as part of the MNS India Thrash Em Week. The demonstration lasted a few hours and included acts by MNS vandals who showed their ability to destroy public property and create and propagate nuisance.

The collection of acts was part of Raj Thackeray’s Spring-Winter Riot collection or so he claimed. “Everything bad that’s happening in Mumbai is due to the migrants. They have even infiltrated Bollywood and are making bogus movies like Chennai Express. The movie would have had turned out much better if it was called Mumbai Express. It is to prevent such things that my thugs, goons, bandicoots and hoodlums train for. MNS India Thrash Em Week gives my people a chance to feature their unique riot acts which can be emulated by others when a riot breaks out and give us enough destructive mileage,” said Raj Thackeray.

The event witnessed enth…

Pakistan tries to taunt India, fails

Within hours of India successfully landing a C-130J "Super Hercules" tactical airlift aircraft at the rudimentary airstrip in Daulat Beg Oldi (DBO) on Tuesday morning, Pakistan tried to ape India, but failed miserably in the attempt.

As the news of the successful Indian landing spread, Pakistan Air Force got its act together and brought one of its frontline aircraft, a World War II vintage power glider to ‘flex its muscles’ by landing the craft on an unused airstrip near a forward base in Skardu in Pakistan Occupied Kashmir. The brief was simple – land the plane and showcase the might of Pakistan air force to its Indian counterpart and display strategic parity.

A senior Pakistan air force officer who tried to reason with his superiors by saying that C-130J was an aircraft in a different league and class altogether was posted out of the strategically significant Sargodha air base to a facility near Karachi. PAF was in no mood to entertain a conflicting opinion especially whe…