Showing posts from October, 2010

Funny images...animal talk...


Tit for Tat: Suresh Kalmadi raids IT office, walks off with papers

CWG clown and certified joker Suresh Kalmadi today raided the Mayur Bhavan office of Income Tax department in Delhi and walked away with some papers.

Sources close to Suresh Kalmadi (as close as Arundathi Roy is to Syed Shah Geelani) told Humor Unplugged that the raid was carried out in response to the IT department raiding his office last week. “What do they think? Only they can carry out raids? I can do so too and I will; and let this be a warning to all tax sleuths who are planning more raids on my offices in the future. I will continue to steal crucial papers from IT offices across the nation till they stop harassing me and going after my ill gotten wealth,” Kalmadi said before fleeing the scene of crime on a pair of roller skates purchased at 300 times their market value by Suresh Kalmadi's son Pappu Kalmadi.

Apparently, when Kalmadi barged into the IT office, he was carrying a picture of Mayawathi without make up and he used the image to scare the day lights out of the secur…

Pakistan tests indigenously built fighter jet

Pakistan on Friday announced that it had successfully tested its first ever ‘completely indigenously built fighter aircraft’. A government spokesperson said that the flight lasted 2 minutes and met all flight parameters successfully. “It was what we would like to call a textbook flight and we are happy to report that all flight parameters were successfully met. We are looking at inducting these fighter planes in Pakistan Air Force by 2040 and these jets can compete with any of the planned 5th generation fighter aircraft with one wing tied behind its back,” the over enthusiastic spokesperson said. Humor Unplugged’s Islamabad correspondent was able to get an exclusive picture of the aircraft during the test flight. 

Jet pilot was eyeing Kingfisher air hostess: Mallya

Kingfisher Airlines chairman Vijay Mallya has asked union civil aviation minister Praful Patel to direct his ministry to strict action against rival airline for what he called ‘nondiscretionary transgression’. The demand was made at a closed door meeting held in the national capital on Saturday evening after a Jet Airways with 122 passengers on board hit a stationary Kingfisher plane while it was being pushed back at the International airport in Mumbai.

As soon as Mallya made this allegation, Patel’s assistants scampered and ran like headless chickens to fetch a dictionary. After a hour long wait, when the meaning of the words were finally deciphered, Patel asked Mallya to chill and have beer while he ascertains the facts of the case and the DGCA report comes in. But Mallya would have none of it “In the past also, many Jet Airways pilots have had ‘near misses’ with our air hostess outside their aircraft and it ain’t funny anymore as now they are trying to do it from their cockpit. It …

Tibet belongs to India

The new map showing North India with Tibet

Here at Humor Unplugged we are fed up of China barking its head off on our state Arunachal Pradesh. The most recent provocation came today morning with Google Earth's Chinese rival showing our state inside Chinese territory. This episode along with countless others shows how insecure China really is.

We know for sure that the meek Indian government will cow down and respond saying "Arunachal Pradesh is a integral part of India...". This is not what we want. So we have decided to give it right back to the world's most hegemonic nation. We have done what the Indian government couldn't do all this while. Starting today all maps hosted on Humor Unplugged will show Tibet as a part of India (which is actually true). From today onwards we will consider Tibet to be an integral part of India.

Do whatever you wish to China...we are not afraid of you or your regimented zombies and better get that super-colossal insecurity of yours …

India donates Kashmir fossil Syed Shah Geelani to paleontology institute

Catalan Institute of Paleontology (ICP), Barcelona is all set to receive a unique gift from none other than the Indian government. India has decided to hand over Kashmiri separatist and amoeboid Pakistani parasite Syed Shah Geelani to the Barcelona-based institute for conducting a volley of tests to study and document the 'living fossil'.

ICP, according to sources, has been asking for Geelani for the last two years. Geelani, in fact has been a subject of much fascination and curiosity among paleontological experts from institutes across the globe due to his age, features and ideology.  “In the past, at least 3 institutes have asked us to hand him over for further research. We were tired of handling the ever increasing number of experts flying down to meet him and were also scared that a Headley might sneak in on this pretext. His separatist behavior bordering on lunacy was also not helping. Therefore, at a closed door meeting in South Block last week we finally decided to hand …

New US-Pak defense pact will see more Headley style reece missions

Showing its true colors, United States of America has once again decided to ignore the stellar role played by Pakistan in fostering global terrorism. This time it has gone a step further and rewarded the terror capital of the world with a pact to keep that nation happy after a series of attacks deep inside the so called Pak soil created much heartburn in Pakistan.

As already reported by New York Times, Obama administration will be offering Pakistan a multi-year security pact complete with more reliable military aid. The offer will be made to the Pakistani civilian and military leaders who arrive in Washington this week for a strategic dialogue, the influential US daily said.

Humor Unplugged has managed to secure a copy of the proposed pact arrived after much diaper whining by Pakistan. According to the draft, US has agreed to ignore future David Headleys emerging from US soil and promised to royally avoid Indian requests for extraditing such criminals and absolving Pakistan of any inv…

China unveils new anti-democracy mascot

In wake of Chinese democracy activist Liu Xiaobo winning the Nobel Peace Prize, China’s political top brass has moved quickly to contain the perceived damage caused by the event. After directly threatening nearly 125 countries and hacking the official websites of 8 countries who praised Liu, China has decided to use the soft power of media to spread anti democracy messages within its zombie population and China watchers outside its borders. .

Wai Yu Soo Dum, that’s the name of the new anti democracy mascot unveiled by China on Friday to counter what it calls “the whispers of the democratic whimpy whiners". Speaking at a function organized to release the mascot, Chief Chinese Propaganda In Charge Yukk Thoo Chin said “This is indeed a landmark day for every hegemonic, insecure autocratic regime out there. Our aim is to show that even if they give a Nobel Prize to every Chinese dissident out there, we will bounce back, act anxious and jail a million more citizens in our amendment cam…

Images for the week gone by - Sarko to Headley


India asks Chile to keep the dangerous San Jose mine open

India has requested Chile to keep the infamous mine that held 33 miners hostage for over two months open for a while longer. The exact time period is not known but what is known is that the Indian government has drawn up a plan to dump all the corrupt and incompetent CWG-OC buffoons into the hell pit, once the charges against them are established. The San Jose mine near Copiapo in Chile had held the miners captive till they were rescued dramatically by a joint effort mounted by NASA, Chilean government and some private companies.

Sources in the home ministry told Humor Unplugged that ever since the clamor for action against the few who brought shame and disgrace to the nation grew, the government has made up its mind to dole out a punishment that will be unprecedented in the legal history of the country. “I can confirm that the Indian government has sent a communiqué to the Chilean Ministerio de Minería requesting them not to close the mine anytime soon. We want to push all the crooks …

Global warming is making legislators behave in an odd manner: parties

Blame it on global warming, that’s the line that many parties are parroting after the ‘shameful Monday’ incident in Karnataka assembly which brought more disgrace to national parties the Congress and the BJP.  Shockingly, spokespersons of both parties were unanimous in pining the blame on global warming for the day’s events and for the disgraceful behavior of party legislators.

“It is positvely the ill effects of man’s negative influence on climate and there are no two ways about it. With the rise in global temperature especially in the tropic, the metabolic rate of human beings also goes up and the result is a net increase in the amount of energy available and if it is not channeled for any good purpose, the effect will only be disastrous. I have always maintained that we cannot play around with nature and today, the results are there for all to see and I am extremely dissappointed. You saw that guy who was tearing his shirt...why do you think that was happening? Even the governor wa…

Images from the week gone by...tribute to Suresh Kalmadi


How much cash do you need to purchase a legislator?

After we received a number of queries from various quarters, we contacted the National Horse Exchange to get the latest rates for buying and selling legislators in various states*

All rates mentioned above are in INR crores
* Conditions apply

These rates are independent of other privileges available and offers made on 'merit'Legislators can be purchased or sold at rates over and above the ones mentioned hereIn case of urgency such as a vote of confidence, these rates will be considered as the baseline priceKarnataka MPs are the most expensive legislators in the country at the momentBids made via hawala channels will also be entertainedIf legislators are to be purchased at rates above the one mentioned above, payments can be made in  installments within a time period of not more than a year

Its Pakistan all the way at the first ever ICC Corruption awards

It was an all Pakistan affair at the first ever Mega Corruption awards organized by the International Cricket Council in Dubai on Friday. The Pakistani Cricket Board and its crickets swept awards under various categories. According to a Dubai datelined press release issued by the ICC, the awards have been instituted to encourage fixing and other forms of illegal gambling and to channel more money into the cricket body’s coffers.

Here are the categories and the winners

Definitely a fixed match award – Pakistan Vs Australia; winner Pakistan

Best cheeky behavior before a fixed match award – joint winners - Salman Butt and Mohammad Amir the day before Sydney test. (Salman Butt and Mohammad Amir were acting jubilant and cheeky in an Ed Hardy store while clad in ‘fluorescent apparel’. Both were drinking branded and bottled Ed Hardy water and were joking around, parading clothes to their teammates)

Best bookie
in a televised role - Mazhar Majeed

Steve Bucknor Memorial Ignoranamous award
- winner …

If I was around, Australia would have won in Mohali: Steve Bucknor

Umpiring clown and overall joker Steve Bucknor feels that Australia could have won the nail biting Mohali test, if he was the umpire. In an exclusive chat with Humor Unplugged from his posh villa in Sydney, the umpiring frog claimed that he would have made a big difference to the fortunes of his favorite team if he was still officiating.

“I would have made half the Indian side walk back to the pavilion within 20 runs in both the innings and would have made atleast 3 Aussie batsmen score centuries. ICC would have backed me up and we could have hushed the whole thing behind a veil of Aussie cricket supremacy. I should have been the umpire for this series,” Bucknor said.

 Claiming that the Aussies were his favorite side Bucknor said “they have always paid me on time. The money comes to my account even before the match ends in a victory for them. In fact, on many occasions Ricky (Ponting) used to walk up to me and say I should be the man of the match for my unsurpassed contribution. He is…

New Zealand TV show clown Paul Henry making fun of Delhi Chief Minister

Paul Henry, the NZTV host belongs to a category of moral and intellectual illiterates whom we despise at Humor Unplugged. May this moron vanish from TV screen in NZ forever and may the heavens rain shoes on this racist fossil brain soon. Just watch this video and see how this clown transforms himself into a senseless freak within seconds. 

Clown of the week inteview: Pervez Musharraf

Pakistan’s famed General and all round joker Pervez Musharraf in conversation with Humor Unplugged‘s resident editor (he sleeps on the couch in the reception of our office) Rajcreep Sorefakeeye. In this brief chat, Musharaf outlines his future political plans and tells us why he is returning to Pakistan.

Rajcreep Sorefakeeye: You have messed around enough with the future of your country. Why this sudden desire to return to Pakistan?
Pervez Musharraf : Tell me one thing. When did Pakistan have a future? When we became independent, suddenly we realized that we wont be able to survive as a nation and that we needed a cause to sustain our existence and fool the ordinary citizen into believing that we do have something to stay together for and that is how the Kashmir issue was born and then we had wars with India and now we have this these floods along with donkey-riding Mullahs threatening our very existence. We never had a future Rajcreep so it doesn’t make any difference whatsoever and ev…