Tit for Tat: Suresh Kalmadi raids IT office, walks off with papers

CWG clown and certified joker Suresh Kalmadi today raided the Mayur Bhavan office of Income Tax department in Delhi and walked away with some papers.

Sources close to Suresh Kalmadi (as close as Arundathi Roy is to Syed Shah Geelani) told Humor Unplugged that the raid was carried out in response to the IT department raiding his office last week. “What do they think? Only they can carry out raids? I can do so too and I will; and let this be a warning to all tax sleuths who are planning more raids on my offices in the future. I will continue to steal crucial papers from IT offices across the nation till they stop harassing me and going after my ill gotten wealth,” Kalmadi said before fleeing the scene of crime on a pair of roller skates purchased at 300 times their market value by Suresh Kalmadi's son Pappu Kalmadi.

Apparently, when Kalmadi barged into the IT office, he was carrying a picture of Mayawathi without make up and he used the image to scare the day lights out of the security guards – some of whom fainted and had to be hospitalized.  Kalmadi was also heard repeatedly threatening the department staff with dire consequences, if they continued the raids. “Stay away, else I will release snakes in your homes and I am not talking about Mailika Sherawat. I will also ensure that your bed is filled with jumping stray dogs,” Kalmadi threatened.

IT officials meanwhile claimed that the papers that Kalmadi took were inconsequential. “Those were actually the grocery bills from the canteen in our premises. I have no idea why he took them away,” a senior IT official told Humor Unplugged.

Reddy brothers want to acquire stake in IT department
In a related development, Karnataka’s famous Reddy brothers Greedy Reddy and Shady Reddy, today urged the union government to divest its stake in the IT department. The brothers submitted a memorandum in this regard to the union finance minister Pranab Mukherjee. Greedy Reddy said that his family was interested in buying a controlling stake in the IT department as part of the corporate social responsibility initiative of their company Shady Inc. The brothers between themselves have committed Rs 7000 crores for this purpose and have mooted the creation of a special purpose vehicle that will channel the stake and help them control the department.