Clown of the week inteview: Pervez Musharraf
Pakistan’s famed General and all round joker Pervez Musharraf in conversation with Humor Unplugged‘s resident editor (he sleeps on the couch in the reception of our office) Rajcreep Sorefakeeye. In this brief chat, Musharaf outlines his future political plans and tells us why he is returning to Pakistan.
Rajcreep Sorefakeeye: You have messed around enough with the future of your country. Why this sudden desire to return to Pakistan?
Pervez Musharraf : Tell me one thing. When did Pakistan have a future? When we became independent, suddenly we realized that we wont be able to survive as a nation and that we needed a cause to sustain our existence and fool the ordinary citizen into believing that we do have something to stay together for and that is how the Kashmir issue was born and then we had wars with India and now we have this these floods along with donkey-riding Mullahs threatening our very existence. We never had a future Rajcreep so it doesn’t make any difference whatsoever and everyone is busy enjoying the present. So I also thought I could come back and continue my good work.
Rajcreep Sorefakeeye: Good work? The only reason Pakistan survived as a nation during your tenure is 9-11. That is when US played a double game and recruited your country as a bogus ally in the so called war on terror.
Pervez Musharraf: Look, lets not go into the past. Because it is not worth pondering and there are better things to do. I will start from a scratch all over again this time. And by the way I know quite a lot about your past too which could land you in trouble.
Rajcreep Sorefakeeye: Like?
Pervez Musharraf: Like that hazel eyed PYT journo from NYT with whom you had a brief fling during the Agra Summit when I was addressing the press conference. You think such things escape my attention? I had seen you guys…
Rajcreep Sorefakeeye: Let me change the topic.
Pervez Musharraf: With pleasure.
Rajcreep Sorefakeeye: How is it like being retired. Do you miss your uniform?
Pervez Musharraf: Do I? I do. I almost felt like I was in my birthday suit till quite sometime after I shed the uniform. You see I used to do everything in my uniform. In fact I even used to sleep in it which is the reason why most of the times my wife used to make me sleep on the couch in our living room or in extreme cases with our pet dog in his dog house. My uniform had all kinds of stains on it including pedegree. But its not been all that bad either. In the last two years I have spend much time on improving my counting abilities. I can now count upto the number 9 and that is indeed a remarkable achievement. I mean imagine when my wife wasn’t around and I had to give clothes to the dhobi, it was quite tough. I used to take pics of each piece of cloth using my mobile and compare it with the lot that came back after washing and ironing to ensure that nothing went missing. Else my wife would have made me sleep in the neighbors doghouse, when she returned.
Rajcreep Sorefakeeye: How different is managing Pakistan army from managing Pakistan?
Pervez Musharraf:Not at all different. There are more politicians and businessmen inside the Pak army than outside it.
Rajcreep Sorefakeeye: All Pakistan Muslim League that’s what your party will be called. What will it do?
Pervez Musharraf: We will do all good things. Milk the USA for more money, continue the fight with India on Kashmir, interfere in our neighbors business, send terrorists into other countries, indulge in clandestine nuclear proliferation, continue facilitating opium trade via our territory, deepen our engagement with China and North Korea and last but not least, channel more money into my Swiss bank account.
Rajcreep Sorefakeeye: Give me one reason to believe that you will be elected this time.
Pervez Musharraf: Do you know what these elections are called?
Rajcreep Sorefakeeye: Pakistani General elections?
Pervez Musharraf: Spot on. What do you think they mean when they say General election? It means electing the General and who do you think is the General here? (starts laughing uncontrollably, falls from his chair and passes out).
Rajcreep Sorefakeeye: You have messed around enough with the future of your country. Why this sudden desire to return to Pakistan?
Pervez Musharraf : Tell me one thing. When did Pakistan have a future? When we became independent, suddenly we realized that we wont be able to survive as a nation and that we needed a cause to sustain our existence and fool the ordinary citizen into believing that we do have something to stay together for and that is how the Kashmir issue was born and then we had wars with India and now we have this these floods along with donkey-riding Mullahs threatening our very existence. We never had a future Rajcreep so it doesn’t make any difference whatsoever and everyone is busy enjoying the present. So I also thought I could come back and continue my good work.
Rajcreep Sorefakeeye: Good work? The only reason Pakistan survived as a nation during your tenure is 9-11. That is when US played a double game and recruited your country as a bogus ally in the so called war on terror.
Pervez Musharraf: Look, lets not go into the past. Because it is not worth pondering and there are better things to do. I will start from a scratch all over again this time. And by the way I know quite a lot about your past too which could land you in trouble.
Rajcreep Sorefakeeye: Like?
Pervez Musharraf: Like that hazel eyed PYT journo from NYT with whom you had a brief fling during the Agra Summit when I was addressing the press conference. You think such things escape my attention? I had seen you guys…
Rajcreep Sorefakeeye: Let me change the topic.
Pervez Musharraf: With pleasure.
Rajcreep Sorefakeeye: How is it like being retired. Do you miss your uniform?
Pervez Musharraf: Do I? I do. I almost felt like I was in my birthday suit till quite sometime after I shed the uniform. You see I used to do everything in my uniform. In fact I even used to sleep in it which is the reason why most of the times my wife used to make me sleep on the couch in our living room or in extreme cases with our pet dog in his dog house. My uniform had all kinds of stains on it including pedegree. But its not been all that bad either. In the last two years I have spend much time on improving my counting abilities. I can now count upto the number 9 and that is indeed a remarkable achievement. I mean imagine when my wife wasn’t around and I had to give clothes to the dhobi, it was quite tough. I used to take pics of each piece of cloth using my mobile and compare it with the lot that came back after washing and ironing to ensure that nothing went missing. Else my wife would have made me sleep in the neighbors doghouse, when she returned.
Rajcreep Sorefakeeye: How different is managing Pakistan army from managing Pakistan?
Pervez Musharraf:Not at all different. There are more politicians and businessmen inside the Pak army than outside it.
Rajcreep Sorefakeeye: All Pakistan Muslim League that’s what your party will be called. What will it do?
Pervez Musharraf: We will do all good things. Milk the USA for more money, continue the fight with India on Kashmir, interfere in our neighbors business, send terrorists into other countries, indulge in clandestine nuclear proliferation, continue facilitating opium trade via our territory, deepen our engagement with China and North Korea and last but not least, channel more money into my Swiss bank account.
Rajcreep Sorefakeeye: Give me one reason to believe that you will be elected this time.
Pervez Musharraf: Do you know what these elections are called?
Rajcreep Sorefakeeye: Pakistani General elections?
Pervez Musharraf: Spot on. What do you think they mean when they say General election? It means electing the General and who do you think is the General here? (starts laughing uncontrollably, falls from his chair and passes out).
This was a very nice satirical take...hope he doesnt come back
ReplyDeleteYea dude...lets hop we dont get to hear about him....ever..
ReplyDelete