Pramod Mutalik laments declining quality of goons in the country

Voicing his displeasure over the quality of goons that join premier organizations like Sri Ram Sena, senior goon Pramod Mutalik has said there is a need to overhaul the selection criteria for goons seeking admission to prestigious anti-social institutions in the country.

Addressing a gathering of hundreds of former goons at a Beloved Hoodlums Association of India (BHAI) summit in Mumbai, Mutalik said the quality of goons has deteriorated over the years due to the emergence of a large number of anti-social organizations in the country which were admitting goons of lower professional calibre.

"Thanks to the proliferation of large number of anti-social organizations, the quality of goons participating in various activities has gone lower and lower. Today, we have as many goons as we have news anchors on TV and the quality also is more or less the same," Mutalik said staring at the ceiling, receiving a thundering applause from his audience. Some of the audience members were so charged up that they burned a few vehicles parked outside the venue. Later on however they tried to extinguish the fire when they realized some of the vehicles were their own.

Drawing a road map to put BHAI among the top goon institutes in the world, Mutalik said it has to be ensured that institutes like BHAI "transcend from simply imparting goon culture to evolving reasonably good practices to develop goons who are at par or even better than those produced by the Taliban in Pakistan".

He said that more emphasis has to be given to goon research at the undergraduate level and examinations should test the independent thinking ability of goons rather than their ability to cause problems. Mutalik said in order to produce good goons, political parties need to be persuaded to create centers of goon excellence that fund research projects.

Mutalik refused to comment on the recent attack on Prashant Bhusan. “I do not have the full details with me since the attack was carried out by one of our affiliated organizations. I will comment on it as and when I get the details,” he said. He also informed that he was in touch with various organizations to develop a National Goon Code (NGC) to ensure more cooperation between goon bodies in the future.  

Mutalik outside the venue
When asked to what he did with all the pink chaddis he received, Mutalik said that a huge consignment of that went to Pakistan. “My group received a request from a senior Taliban leader for those chaddis and we immediately shipped them across. But I am not sure as to what they did with these,” Mutalik said.

Our Mangalore correspondent adds: According to Ram Sene sources the organization's 'Dial a Goon' service signed on its 1000th customer yesterday.  "We are witnessing a phase of increase market traction for our products and we have decided to expand our reach to cover new markets in the Africa and Europe. Our Riot-in-the-Box offering has been incredibly successful in the Asian market. So far we have  focused only on the domestic and Asian markets. But that is something we plan to change in the next few months," Chavvani Lal VP operations, Sri Ram Sena said.

He also informed that a new release of the Riot-in-the-Box will be available by this month end


Vijay Menon said…
LOL! Man I think that was the best I have read here :)

BTW Mutalik is also proposing to open IGS- Institute of Goon Science at various places across the country - 1)to impart HOTS(higher order thinking skills)in goons 2)to stop the migration of cheap goons from other states so as to protect the interests of the regional goons

Sharing this :)
:) Thanks buddy..gosh now that is indeed a comprehensive road map...if i have ever seen one :D
Krishnan Bala said…
Dear B.K.
Looking at the increased demand demand for specialists in this art of "gooning", Muthalik should now plan to open franchises at more north Indian cities which will attract more able bodied men for this profession. This was evident from the type of people who successfully staged the last episode !

Muthalik has also advertised for a suitable logo to be designed by country's top designers that can be worn by both sexes and thus removing the earlier discrimination of only the feminine gender attracting all the national attention the last time when the "expo" was conducted in Mangalore !
:D KB now that is indeed an interesting dissection there :) thanks for sure mr Nutalik will do a copy paste ;)
Saru Singhal said…
LOL...Who says life is easy? There is competition everywhere...
Raji said…
One of the funniest posts, in a while.. loved the comaparison with quality of goons and news anchors! Arnab G is never going to call you as a panelist:-)
:D totally Saru...soon they will be considering GMAt scores for admission I am told.. :))
hahha :D Thanks Raji...the last time I spoke to Arnab he was pretty upset with me...doesnt like my tweets on him;)
Rahul Bhatia said…
Very Funny! Liked it
Sujatha Sathya said…
i hate that man & this post was so tongue-in-cheek (your trademark of course)
the way you took off from the Murthy comment controversy & the parallels drawn of IIM & goon institutes - the quality declining & mutalik "lamenting" - awesome

it reminded me of a scene from Upendra's movie 'super' (or whatever) - goons learning english clad in suits
:) Hi Sujatha :) thanks...mutalik is a huge inspiration for many of us :) makes us write such posts in his honor ofcourse ;)

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