Showing posts from February, 2009

NASA to fly Taliban and Mutalik

American space agency National Aeronataks and Staged Administration (NASA) has evinced interest in sending a bunch of hardline nuts to space in an attempt to document the affect of zero gravity on thought processes and ideologies. For this unique experiment, NASA has prepared a list that reads like the whos who of the clown world. The not so impressive list has names like Taliban joker Baitulah Masood, Commie rat Prakash Ka-rat, Chinese premier lee, hu, woo or whatever and of course our very own chaddi king Pramod Mutalik.

NASA intends to expose the subjects to varying environment including extremes of temperature, oxygen levels and sunlight and darkness to determine if these parameters have any impact on hardened ideologies. A key objective would be to find out if these expendable subjects show any form of deviance during the experiment to be carried out in specially built cabins.

“The list is not exhaustive and we will be adding names over the next few weeks. For now we are focusing…

Mutalik to star in the next Batman adventure

All round nut and Taliban mascot Pramod Mutalik has been signed on by Warner Bros to essay the role of villain Scarecrow in the upcoming Batman movie “When crows croak”.

Mutalik, the second villain in the movie after penguin, will play the role of a frustrated principal of a sub urban school. One day after punishing an errant kid, he drives far away from the school and ends up in an abandoned pagan temple. This is where the grump old school head transforms into the even nastier scarecrow (after touching a centuries old cursed bracelet), who then teams up with penguin to take on the caped crusader.

When contacted, Mutalik confirmed the offer. “They were looking for a grumpy old guy who looked insane and could act well. Initially they weren’t confident about my insanity; but were convinced when I showed them my speeches and the Mangalore videos. I was signed on instantly,” Mutalik said. The shooting is slated to commence early March and Mutalik will fly to Warner Bros studios to shoot hi…

Taliban releases recruitment ads

Taliban, world’s number one terrorist organization, has been retained by the Government of the Islamic Republic of Pakistan to run the government in Swat valley. We have therefore launched an ambitious recruitment drive to fill various vacancies that have arisen in the new administration in Swat. On behalf of the honorable Taliban, Mula "Ma'soum Afghani, HR incharge, invites expression of interest from qualified professionals for the following posts.

Suicide bombers: motivated, dedicated and self driven, possessing extra ordinary sense of purpose. Should be able to blow himself\herself up for a variety of causes in front of various targets and handle various types of explosives and detonators. Those who are frustrated with life, heartbroken, have financial difficulties or suffer from any one of the life threatening diseases listed in annexure 1 will be given preference. Job code: SudB 0034

Radio operators: to manage and run low frequency FM stations in Swat valley. The candida…

Pak announces new package for USA

Pakistan has announced a new war on terror package for recession hit USA. Speaking to press in Karachi, Shah Mehmood Qureshi, Pakistani foreign minister said that the package would provide the much needed flexibility in managing expenses related to the ongoing war in parts of Pakistan and Afghanistan. "We have been told that the new administration wanted to cut corners in the war. We have now given them a set of options that are indeed cost effective and would help the new administration sell the war to a skeptical domestic audience," Qureshi said.

Heres an exclusive snapshot of various packages on offer:

Terms and conditions
# Pakistan government or any of its arms or the arms of its armed forces are not liable for any defect or deficiency in the service obtained under various packages and all dispute in this regard should be ignored
# Pak government is not making any offer and does not make any warranties or representation about the quality, merchantability, suitability or …

India to use drones against local Taliban

They have blown the langots out of Taliban in Pakistan and now the Indian government is importing them to carry out surgical strikes against the Indian Taliban viz., culture vultures like Mutalik and team. A top government official in the home ministry told this blogger over a call that the government was seriously considering using airborne drones to attack and neutralize the persistent threat to freedom of citizens from groups like Sri Ram Sena and MNS.

“The drones will be here soon. We have heard about how well they have done in Pakistan and now we want to use them against groups that threaten broadmindedness and freedom in our country,” the senior bureaucrat said. The ministry plans to release these drones to a special team of cops that will target all self styled moral and social policemen in the country. The drones will attack locations housing these radical groups. The team will also gather intelligence on the subversive activities of such groups and attack them before the thre…

Dr Ankita Figurewala...on moral responsibility of netizens

Why do people believe such things?

Just check this story out...i never realized that i was so "believable"

Meet Al Qaeeda employee ID 2237

Rajcreep Sorefakeeye tracked down Mustafa Abu al-Yazi, the goon who issued a threat to India on behalf of Al Qaeeda. Abu, in a video released last week, threatened India of “dire consequences” if India attacked Pakistan. In this interview the champion of journalistic patriotism Rajcreep manages to wriggle the Al Qaeeda moron into submission effortlessly.

RS: Who exactly are you? Every week we have some joker issuing threats to various nations in the guise of Al Qaeeda…

MA: My name is Mustafa Abu al-Yazi and I am the military commander of Al Qaeeda in the Tora Bora region. My employee ID is 2237 and heres my bionic ID card (flashes a piece of sand paper with a sketch on it). I admit we have some bogus threatening videos floating around on the web. You see the other day some guy couldn’t get an entry ticket to a Shakira concert came to our studio and created a threatening video calling for Jehad, if he was not given the ticket. These guys have turned Jehad into some kind of a joke…the ot…

Pramod Mutalik is seeing Asiya..

Asiya Andrabi, founder and leader of the all-women separatist group, the Dukhtaran-e-Millat (DeM) is said to be dating the one and only flamboyant Casanova and Sri Ram Sena chief Pramod Mutalik. This information came to light when a ardent social networking site subscriber came across the scrap book of Asiya and found that a certain guy from her friends list had posted mushy scraps. The subscriber was further amazed when he found out that Asiya had actually replied to the mysterious stranger with equally mushy posts.

On further investigation, it was found that the mysterious stranger was none other than our very own moral moron Pramod Mutalik. Pramod apparently has been dating Asiya for over 5 years now. The duo first met at a rally organized in Jammu by one of the senas to protest against valentines day. It was indeed love at first sight and the two have been seeing each other quietly and even went for a vacation in Andamans near about the time when the tsunami struck. After return, …

Puppy da sues Lockheed Martin

Looks like Lockheed Martin has bitten off more than it can chew. Desi rock star and style icon Puppy Lahiri has decided to file a case against the multinational aerospace manufacturer for criminal breach of trust and causing undue suffering.

In his complaint filed at a Bangalore police station, Puppy has alleged that Lockheed could not live up to its promise of flying him in an F-16. Lockheed had approached Puppy for doing a sortie in the ongoing air show at Bangalore. After a battery of tests, Puppy was declared fit for flying and moved to the fighter cockpit. A proud Puppy seemed to enjoy it all. He was happily waving at the media folks gathered to cover the event.

Puppy’s enthusiasm reached a crescendo as the F-16 taxied over the runway and aligned itself for a final takeoff. Puppy was seen flashing his thumbs and passing off salutes ala Tom Cruise in Top Gun. His joy was however short lived as the plane after a long run failed to take off and fell with a loud thud. The craft was si…

HAL to fly Mutalik on Valentines day

After Lockheed Martin flew Bindra and an unknown lady on commercial sorties on a F-16, Hindustan Aeronautics Limited (HAL) has invited national moral guardian and all round comedian Pramod Mutalik to fly a sortie on a dilapidated Mig 21 pulled out from retirement.

“We have invited Mutalik and one of his henchmen to pilot a 33 year old aircraft. There is a 78 percent chance of a crash and that is the objective,” an HAL spokesperson told this blogger. The plane, a relic from the past, was rotting at one of HAL’s test sites in Bangalore and creating storage problems for the premier aeronautical research organization.

“The objective is to ensure that the plane crashes taking Mutalik with it. We will ensure that the craft flies only in unpopulated areas and jungles to avoid damage to citizens and infrastructure. “We have asked youngsters from all over the country to witness the event. There will be special seats in the ongoing air show in Bangalore to witness Mutalik turning into a ball o…

Gene mutation creates Mutaliks and Talibans

A team of investigators from United College of Lady Adamgarh (UCLA) have identified a gene responsible for creating nuts like Mutalik and the Talibanis. This gene code named gene code named BNO 64 is implicated in the development of approximately 50% of ideology and morality related disorders in human beings.

The findings, a result of studies conducted over 7 years spanning over 3 continents, 500 human beings, 5 generations of mice and a hippo, will be published by the National Historic Society next week. Team lead Dr. Hammerschmidst in an exclusive interview with this blogger revealed some fascinating findings of the study.

According to Dr. Hammerschmidst, BNO 64 mutation causes excess secretion of a protein called cyclin D1 in the brains of the subject (person). This protein induces the subject to believe that his or her religion\community is in danger of annihilation and must be protected at all costs.D1 also shuts down areas of the brain responsible for rational thinking and channe…

Dial a goon service from SRS

After harassing youngsters in the name of moral policing, hoodlum Inc Sree Ram Sena (SRS) has launched a new service to increase its revenue stream. The Dial-a-goon service, available at premium, allows customers to summon SRS goons for various purposes by simply dialing a toll free number.

This service will be initially available in Mangalore. “Customers can dial the number, speak to our customer service representative and register a request for a goon or mob. The customer has to describe the request which necessarily must include a moral angle and potential for violence and physical assault,” SRS spokesperson Mula "Ma'soum Afghani" said in Mangalore today.

Once the call is verified and the SRS team is convinced about the nature of the request, the media is informed and a goon or mob is dispatched to the venue within half an hour. To reduce the response time in far off places, SRS will be employing charter planes and choppers. In addition SRS will be setting up remote g…

Ajmal Kasab is SRS's brand ambassador

In an interesting development, Sri Ram Sena has announced that it has appointed dreaded terrorist and Pakistani barbarian Ajmal Kasab as its brand ambassador.

The announcement was made by SRS chief Pramod Nutalik at a press conference in Bangalore on Friday. “Kasab represents the highest degree of brainwashing and we needed someone who could inspire our hired goons. SRS hoodlums now have someone they can look upto and admire while doing their routine anti-social activities, SRS spokesperson Mula "Ma'soum Afghani" said.

It may be remembered that Mula is a former Taliban spokesperson deputed to SRS by Taliban. Mula joined SRS as part of a staff exchange agreement signed between the two organizations recently. As part of the agreement, Taliban will be transferring much of it’s Jurassic knowledge to SRS whilst the later devices unique schemes and implements stone age policies to terrorize ordinary Indian citizens.

“Our hoodlums and we are the proverbial scum of the society. Wi…

The A Q Khan interview

Pakistan has achieved another significant milestone in international diplomacy by releasing the nuke walmart CEO and chief proliferator A Q Khan. In his first interview after release, Khan speaks about his house arrest and the secrets he holds.

RS: How does it feel to be free? Did the house arrest feel like hell?

AQ: Feels great. House arrest was indeed hell..they deactivated my facebook account, deleted all pics of Carla Bruni from my laptop and even took away my Calvin and Hobbes collection. I mean how dumb can you be? They asked me to keep all my nuke manuals and the radioactive material that I wanted to sell in the Karachi black market…

RS: You mean the house arrest was an eye wash?

AQ: It was as real as Pakistan’s commitment to the war on terror. They allowed me to meet everyone including prospects, existing customers and even my neighbor on whom I had a serious crush…

RS: Aren’t you ashamed? You have indulged in international proliferation and armed rogue nations like North Korea. …

Interview with a real nutjob

Arnab Ghostsawme, our crime correspondent, in conversation with Pramod Nutalik, the head goon of Sri Ram Sena.

AG: Whats wrong with you? What did you achieve by attacking those girls at Amnesia?

PN: whats wrong? Those girls were having a good time with guys and besides they were dressed very skimpily, almost as skimpily as those models from the Kingfisher calendar lying on my desktop. I was aghast at this..

AG: Oh so you are a Kingfisher subscriber I what exactly was your grievance?

PN: How could these girls go out with other guys and avoid members of the Sri Ram Sena? My guys are also handsome and good looking. Its just that we want our women to stay at home, take care of the house, cook food, look after the kitchen and consider their husbands as gods.

AG: What kind of a nut are you? How dare you say such things. You know, in my house I do all that and in addition I bring the groceries and take care of her parents too and you know what? I do this because I love her and my respect…

SRS chief bags Nishan-e-Aehmaq

A vultural delegation of hard core members from Sri Ram Sena (SRS) will be visiting the Taliban infested parts of Pakistan and Afghanistan soon, sources in Taliban have revealed. Taliban have extended an invitation to SRS after the infamous Mangalore incident and the same has been accepted by the pack of chimps led by psycho Pramod Nutalik.

“We have seen how they were treating women the other day. It was quite impressive and their ideology seems to be quite similar to ours and we are really eager to learn from them,” a Taliban spokesperson said in Bajaur on Saturday. The spokesperson told this blogger that the visiting team will bring a SRS kit containing documentation, videos and presentations on torturing women, exhibiting uncultured behavior in public and narrow mindedness, among others.

It is said that SRS head and chief schitzo Pramod Nutalik has been personally invited by Taliban to visit Pakistan and Afghanistan. Both organizations will be exploring synergies in operations, kn…