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Showing posts from June, 2012

Moody’s downgrades God

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Credit rating agency Moody’s has downgraded God from ‘reliable’ to ‘occasionally useful’.  The new rating was announced by an agency spokeswoman on Friday in London.

“The new rating broadly reflects Moody’s outlook on god, agnostic of religious affiliations. We must understand that times have changed and god is no longer taking an active interest in running the world. This not only affects people across the world, but also weighs on governments’ standalone ability to manage the on-going global economic crisis,” the spokeswoman said while reading out a prepared statement.

It may be remembered that Moody’s mood swings caused it downgrade over 50000 entities last week including pet shops, saloons, automobile service centres and water treatment plants. But the latest move of downgrading god has been condemned by many analysts. “Moody’s has lost it big time. I think they need to consult a shrink,” an analyst said.

Calvin and Hobbes on Arnab Goswami

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Taran Adarsh to join Moody’s Europe

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Bollywood film critic Taran Adarsh is all set to join the European division of Moody's Investors Service, the bond credit rating business of Moody's Corporation. An announcement to this effect will made by Moody’s on Monday at 11:00 hours, company sources told Humor Unplugged. 

Moody’s has been on the lookout for baseless speculators with a rich background in cooking up false ratings (and justification) for a range of products. “Mr Adarsh is among a handful of people we have identified for furthering our goal of excessive indulgence in technically unsound and unanalytical speculation of the type that we have been known for. He will be heading a team of fake astrologers and gossip mongers who are responsible for grading the banking system constituents in 8 European countries,” the source said.

“These days the only people who take Moody’s and Standard & Poor’s seriously are the same people who go and watch movies based on the advice people like Adarsh give. I am not sure how …

Pakistan to start drone tourism

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In an attempt to make some money out of the pounding it is receiving in its border areas courtesy US drone attacks, Pakistan today announced that it will be launching what it calls drone tourism, soon. 

According to senior official in the Pakistan tourism ministry, the plan involves taking batches of tourists to areas from where they can spot US drones pounding terrorist targets in its restive border provinces. The tourists will also be given an opportunity to pound the same targets using a made in china drone donated by the Chinese government to Pakistan Air Force, after the US drones have left. The families of proven terrorists killed in such attacks will be compensated by the Pakistani government using funds earmarked for its Terrorism Development activities.

Tourists will also be given a chance to participate in fake rallies and protests against the drone strikes. These rallies are often organised on the lines of flash mobs in other countries and are sponsored by the Pakistani gov…

Arnab Goswami makes 6-year old cry

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Chintu Mukherjee had only one wish for his 6th birthday – to feature on Times Now’s popular show Newshour with uncle Arnab Goswami. But little did he know Arnab had other plans for him. Find out how Arnab made a tiny tot cry on his birthday.

According to his parents, Chintu was a big fan of Arnab. He used to stay glued to Newshour every single evening and even note down the number of times Arnab would interrupt someone from finishing their sentence. In his spare time, he would sit in front of the mirror and pretend to grill guests while twitching his soda glasses purchased from the same kirana store where Arnab got his.

On his birthday, Chintu only wanted one thing – to be on Newshour with his favourite news anchor. The fact that Chintu stayed in the same neighbourhood as Arnab prompted his parents to approach Arnab with a request to feature him in the show on his birthday. Arnab surprisingly agreed without any hesitation and asked Chintu’s parents to bring him to the Newshour studi…

Indian Bundh Morcha (IBM) to give away awards to bundh goons

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The Indian Bundh Morcha (IBM), an umbrella body of goons and vagabonds waiting to create trouble, has decided to give away a host of awards to anti-social criminals who ensured the success of the Bundh called last Thursday by opposition parties. The awards will be given away next week and efforts or on to get politicians from across parties to partake in the festivities.

The various categories for which the awards would be given include:

Best enforcementBest destruction of public property Best nuisance value created Best violence and breach of peaceBest shutdown Best rail rokoBest stone pelting incident (bus)Best stone pelting incident (commercial establishment)
IBM chairman and Chief Enforcement Officer Chavvani Lal said “This has been byfar the most successful bundh we have had in years. I used to get nostalgic every time I saw videos of successful bundhs from the 80s. Those days a bundh was a bundh. Today, people don’t care. They behave as if we are doing all this to get some polit…

BJP outsources sack Chidambaram campaign to Accenture

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In what has been hailed as an innovative move by few, India's alleged opposition party BJP has outsourced its sack Chidambaram campaign to technology and consultancy major Accenture.

Under the terms of the agreement, Accenture will execute and manage BJP's Sack Chidambaram project end-to-end (from conceptualisation to execution and post-project management) and figure out innovative ways to seek his resignation, every single day for the next 17 months, Accenture said in a statement. This is the first time a major Indian party has outsourced a key political project to an IT consulting company in the history of Indian politics.

It may be remembered that the BJP has been trying to get Union Home Minister P Chidambaram to resign since UPA-II took over. It is said that at one point, BJP even agreed to let one of its key office bearers to resign provided Chidu too resigned as part of the bargain. Many in BJP tried their luck many times but, gave up as Chiduji remained as stubborn as…

Pakistan successfully test fires new bus stop-bus stop missile

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Complying with its stated mandate of test firing atleast 5 missiles every week, Pakistan today test fired the Hatf XVI (Sa ad) missile capable of carrying nuclear and conventional warheads, stones and rotting organic matter to a distance of upto 3 kms.

The uniqueness of this missile is that it is what Pakistan calls a ‘bus stop to bus stop” missile. It has been built on the premise that an advancing enemy will be moving across Pakistan via road and Hatf XVI can be fired towards them from the nearest bus stop. Pakistan army has already stated that it will modify all existing bus stops across Pakistan to make them support a flawless launch.

“A major additional feature of today’s test was the effective deployment of a fully automated Strategic Command and Control Support System (SCCSS).  It has enabled robust Command and Control capability of all strategic assets with round the clock situational awareness in a digitized network centric environment to decision makers at National Command …