Posts

Showing posts from April, 2011

Arnab Goswami’s kid goes on strike, Newshour faces lockout

Image
In a shocking development Times Now Editor-in-Chief Arnab Goswami’s 8 year old son Pappu Goswami has gone on an indefinite strike since Friday evening, according to a news report. The New Delhi datelined report issued by a wire agency claims that Pappu has asked his father to tender an unconditional apology to his mother, if Arnab wanted to get things back to normal.

So who exactly is Pappu Goswami? He is the tiny tot who writes those eloquent essays that Arnab blurts out every weeknight at 9 at the start of his show. He grabbed headlines as a close friend of the Goswamis leaked out the well guarded secret in the aftermath of 26-11. Pappu was indeed behind those long speechs(essays) and used to write them after coming home from school and finishing his homework. Arnab has neither denied nor discounted these reports since then.

“It was a burden on me. I had to let the truth out. I had seen the kid (Pappu) writing those long essays with ease and handing them over to Arnab for a Bourne…

Kanimozhi in touch with designers for her maiden court appearance

Scamwoman Kanimozhi has been reaching out to local and international designers to design a special dress for her maiden court appearance slated to happen soon. Humor Unplugged was told by a reliable source on Thursday that Kanimozhi is convinced that she will be arrested in the 2G scam soon and is planning to make a splash as and when she makes her grand debut in court.

Designer Sarah Burton’s office confirmed the fact that some people claiming to represent someone called Cunningmozzey (Kanimozhi) had gotten in touch with them and  made some ‘not so routine’ enquiries. Another prominent designer who claims to have spoken to Kanimozhi today morning said “yes, she did call me on my cell. The voice at the other end introduced herself and asked me to design something so extraordinary that it will make other designers look like kindergarten toddlers. Kanimozhi then claimed that in return she will transfer 3 crores in hard cash via Mauritius, St. Kitts and Cayman Islands and through over 9 …

Mamata Banerjee is preparing to chew the commies in Bengal

Image
Mamta Banerjee, the railway minister, the leader and the CM in waiting, does not want to wait anymore. Souces close to the lady have told Humor Unplugged that Mamta is preparing for her new role as CM with unmatched enthusiasm. She is planning to chew the commies and spit em out like chewing gum. As always we didn’t believe these sources and they wouldn’t give up till we were convinced. And did the twain meet? Yes, as soon as they gave us this exclusive pic of Mamta chewing (what seems to be) wood. And guess what the commies are next on her list. Take a look.    


All attempts to contact Ms Banerjee proved futile.

ISI chief Shuja Pasha's visit to USA

Image
Humor Unplugged has obtained exclusive pic of ISI Chief General Ahmad Shuja Pasha's visit to the USA. Contrary to what Pakistan government would have us believe, Pasha (fearing arrest over his agency's role in 26-11) went incognito...in fact disguised as a geeky bunny. Here is the exclusive evidence. 



Taliban's latest recruitment ad from Pakistan

Image

Halal TV to start operations from May 1

Image
After announcing its grandiose plans to launch a Halal internet, a group of Iranian mullahs acting under the umbrella of Mullahs for Halal Peace (the name has not been shorteneed due to halal reasons) have announced they will soon launch a TV channel confirming to Islamic principles. Sources have confirmed that Halal Television will be launched with much fanfare by Iranian president and twitter fan Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on the 1st of May 2011.

It may be remembered that Iran had announced it would launch Islamic internet to counter the influence of the US dominated world wide web a few days back. “The new channel will provide ‘believers’ complete and enriching entertainment that will compel them to move away from traditional infidel television,” Ali Aqamohammadi, head of mulistic affairs with the Iranian presidency, told Humor Unplugged.

Halal Television will feature moth eaten Jurassic and ice age mullahs preaching pre historic values to a nonchalant audience. The USP of the channel wil…

Pak readies Now-Do Gyarah missile

Image
After the failure of Hatf IX,Pakistani ‘scientists’ have started working overtime to get a local repainted version of North Korea’s No dong 11 missile ready. Sources in GHQ in Karachi have told your favorite blog that the project to repaint and launch the ‘No-Do XI’ missile has been put on a fast track on orders from the Pakistani army.

“Yes it’s true the No-Do XI fire and run missile or the Now-Do Gyarah (local name) missile is a priority for us. This missile was ordered as part of a 15 year deal we had signed with missile suppliers North Korea in 1999. The time has now come to get this missile ready,” a rather subdued Director General of the Strategic Plans Division Khalid Ahmed Kidwai told media persons in Karachi.

The No-Do XI missile has an interesting history. The project was first conceived in 1999 by Pakistani army after the Indian Army was getting ready to cross the LoC and capture Pakistani territory. A worried and panic stricken Pakistani army top brass immediately asked No…

Hatf 9 test fails, missile flies into stadium, causes panic

Image
Pakistan today unsuccessfully test fired an 'untested' missile over populated areas of Lahore causing panic and mayhem. The Short Range Surface-to-Surface Multi Tube Ballistic Missile `Hatf IX’ (NASR), a variant of the North Korean No-Dong 3, was imported by Pakistan just a week ago via sea. Hatf IX missed its intended target by miles, thanks to a faulty GPS application downloaded by Pakistan Atomic Energy Commission (PAEC) scientists from a torrent site few days back. 
Immediately after the launch, the missile veered off course and headed towards the Gaddaffi stadium in Lahore where the ‘large hearted’ Shahid Afridi and a few other Pakistani cricketers were playing a local league match. Anticipating a disaster, the fire safety mechanism of the stadium was activated and the players warned of the impending doom through loud braying of donkeys hired by the Pakistan Cricket Board (Taliban has banned cheer leaders).
Soon enough the players laid down and started saying their final p…

Comical Ali is Pakistan's new war on terror mascot

Image
Indicating its utmost commitment to the war on terror, Pakistan the world’s most terror friendly nation, today announced the appointment of a ‘brand ambassador’ for the engagement. Furloughed Iraqi Information Minister Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf aka Comical Ali will take over his new role from May 1, 2011.

The appointment was announced through a Karachi datelined press release issued by Pakistani defense minister on Friday. Humor Unplugged has also learnt that the appointment was delayed a bit as US was not giving an approval because of al-Sahaf’s interesting background. The former Iraqi information minister, it may be recollected, had defended the Saddam government through media till it was overthrown. Despite the Iraqi army facing a string of setbacks, al-Sahaf refused to admit that his army was on the back foot till the US army captured the Iraqi Republican Guard and a dazed Comical Ali was taken to a mobile US army lab.

“God willing, we will teach these shoe biting infidels (Taliban …

Lok Sabha Speaker Meira Kumar croons

The soft spoken and ever so gentle Lok Sabha Speaker Smt. Meira Kumar is also India's first lady to hold this prestigious post. In fact, she is so gentle that close friends call her the Amol Palekar of parliament. Legend has it that Meira Kumar has never killed a mosquito in her life. This is because every time she tried to kill one, the mosquito only lost consciousness and fainted in her palms. 


Today the speaker announced her journey into a path that a few speakers have threaded before. At a crowded press conference, Meira declared her grand arrival in the world of glamor. The Lok Sabha speaker revealed that she will be releasing her maiden music album next week. 


Humor Unplugged has got an exclusive preview of this album. We will not rate the songs here but will definitely give you a brief description to get your imagination going. The first song in the album called 'baithey baithey' is directed against rouge members of parliament who are speaking out of turn. A particula…

Amul sues V S Achuthanandan

After dragging its buttery feet for almost a week and a half hearted attempt to get some marketing mileage from the incident, Amul has decided to sue Kerala CM V S Achuthanandan for his recent branding misadventures. Sources in the legal department of Amul have told Humor Unplugged that it will issue a notice to the CM soon and will follow it up with a $2 billion suit.

It may be remembered that V S Achuthanandan had called Rahul Gandhi a "Amul Baby" a day ago.
Commenting on the incident a hawk eyed legal eagle in Amul’s legal team said “The honorable CM has maligned our brand by associating it with an actor of no positive business consequence to our organization.  The association has resulted in erosion of brand equity created over the years.  We are unable to fathom the intent behind this move by a duly elected representative holding an office of authority. We are therefore left with no alternative but to file a class action suit against the CM and recover the damages”.

Hu…

Images for the week gone by - Obama to animal politician

Image

Shahid Afridi wants Pakistani players in IPL. India says what’s the hurry

The Indian government has firmly declined to entertain a request by Shahid Afridi to pressurize the BCCI to hire Pakistani players in IPL. In a New Delhi datelined press release, the Indian government (already buckling under pressure from Anna Hazare) came up with a list of reasons why no Pakistani player should be hired by any Indian club for IPL.

"It is high time that Pakistani cricketers should also get a place in IPL. For three seasons including the current one, we haven't been a part of the IPL. We have no problems playing in India as we have just played a World Cup semi-final there. We are deeply hurt that they are treating us like 'untouchables'," Afridi said while taking a bite out of a new brand new Kookaburra. He also urged the Indian government to put pressure on the BCCI to force IPL to hire Pakistani players for sake of their livelihood.

In response the Indian government said “Every time we tried doing business with Pakistan, they said we must resolv…

Indians not as large hearted as Pakistanis: Shahid Afridi

Image
Shahid Afridi, the losing Pakistani cricket captain is in the news again. In an interview, he said “In my opinion, if I have to tell the truth, they (Indians) will never have hearts like Muslims and Pakistanis”. To get to the bottom of the whole issue without any delay, we dispatched our sports correspondent Bored Ma’zoomdar to Karachi to get Afridi to clarify. The man who was 14 for three years in a row spoke to us on many issues concerning him. Here’s the exclusive interview.

BM:  Why did you make such a statement? Weren’t you happy with the reception and support you received here?
SA:  We did get a good reception. But I cannot say the same for a few of my other friends who were treated pretty shabbily by the establishment and people here.

BM: Who are you talking about?
SA: You see many of my fellow citizens infiltrate India from the LoC in Kashmir and what do they get? They are either shot down by the Indian Army or the local villagers thrash them and dump them across the LoC. This i…

Wake up India...

Image
The UPA government is bleeding India through a million cuts...however, unlike the Pakistanis, who are attacking Indians directly, the UPA is attacking our future. By protecting and nurturing anti-national parties like the DMK, the government has surely indicated its desire to protect its government at the cost of the country. History will never forgive UPA for this. 

If DMK comes to power in Tamil Nadu

DMK has gone all out to woo TN’s voters. Chief Karunanidi is treating the state treasury as his personal bank account and handling out doles like theres no tomorrow. Humor Unplugged has learnt that the shady uncle has a few more offers up his sleeve (to be revealed as the election date appears closer)

• A laptop for every corrupt government middle man/woman in New Delhi
• A 3G datacard for every fisherman captured by the cowardly Sri Lankan navy
• A 10 GB USB thumb drive for all citizens who look like Karunanidhi
• 3-d  glasses with 2 GB memory for every one born on Karunanidhi’s birthday
• 360 GB online storage space for all citizens who wear a dhoti with Karunanidhi’s photo
• A 1 TB external hard drive for every election commission official who ignores such blatant violation of rules
• 1 blackberry for every citizen who can prove that he has voted for DMK
• 1 Nokia E5 for anyone who can predict the correct weight of Jayalalitha
• 1 I Pad for every astrologer who predicts a DMK vic…

Pak patents new method of launching Jihadis into enemy territory

Image
Continuing its unwavering belief in global peace and reconciliation, Pakistan today announced that it has developed a new technique to launch armed Jihadis smoothly into foreign lands. The Jihadis, who have been unable to infiltrate countries like India in the past, will now find it easy to move across borders and create mayhem according to Pakistan army’s needs, sources say.

Humor Unplugged’s middle east correspondent reports from Dubai that the new technique was demonstrated at a terror event in Karachi recently and Pakistan army has even filed a patent application (Pat pending #6753452) for the same. When contacted, Pakistan army spokesperson denied any involvement in the development of such an apparatus and claimed that ‘nefarious’ elements from across the border were spreading malicious rumors with the intent to defame the Pakistani army.

“When it comes to infiltration, we believe in traditional methods like going around tough mountain passes or across valleys. We have provided e…

Images for the week gone by - Meerkat to Times Now

Image