Pak patents new method of launching Jihadis into enemy territory
Continuing its unwavering belief in global peace and reconciliation, Pakistan today announced that it has developed a new technique to launch armed Jihadis smoothly into foreign lands. The Jihadis, who have been unable to infiltrate countries like India in the past, will now find it easy to move across borders and create mayhem according to Pakistan army’s needs, sources say.
Humor Unplugged’s middle east correspondent reports from Dubai that the new technique was demonstrated at a terror event in Karachi recently and Pakistan army has even filed a patent application (Pat pending #6753452) for the same. When contacted, Pakistan army spokesperson denied any involvement in the development of such an apparatus and claimed that ‘nefarious’ elements from across the border were spreading malicious rumors with the intent to defame the Pakistani army.
“When it comes to infiltration, we believe in traditional methods like going around tough mountain passes or across valleys. We have provided enough covering fire in the past to enable Jihadis to cross the border and I don’t see the need to do anything new. You reporters have some imagination,” said Col. Hiddayatulaah, Pak army spokesperson and Notorious Mullah Relations incharge.
Humor Unplugged has in fact managed to get a picture of the device and captured a live demonstration in progress. The device uses water cannon to propel a brainwashed Jihadi a few miles in the air. The water gives sufficient thrust to move the guy across a distance. He then uses a stream of water to slow down his fall to make a safe landing. In order to ensure that all Jihadis clock the minimum hours of training before getting a license, Pak army has outlined strict guidelines to be enforced by the ISI. "We want to avoid instances of rigging and fake licenses so that only the deserving get propelled," a senior water instructor told Humor Unplugged over a Skype chat.
Humor Unplugged’s middle east correspondent reports from Dubai that the new technique was demonstrated at a terror event in Karachi recently and Pakistan army has even filed a patent application (Pat pending #6753452) for the same. When contacted, Pakistan army spokesperson denied any involvement in the development of such an apparatus and claimed that ‘nefarious’ elements from across the border were spreading malicious rumors with the intent to defame the Pakistani army.
“When it comes to infiltration, we believe in traditional methods like going around tough mountain passes or across valleys. We have provided enough covering fire in the past to enable Jihadis to cross the border and I don’t see the need to do anything new. You reporters have some imagination,” said Col. Hiddayatulaah, Pak army spokesperson and Notorious Mullah Relations incharge.
Humor Unplugged has in fact managed to get a picture of the device and captured a live demonstration in progress. The device uses water cannon to propel a brainwashed Jihadi a few miles in the air. The water gives sufficient thrust to move the guy across a distance. He then uses a stream of water to slow down his fall to make a safe landing. In order to ensure that all Jihadis clock the minimum hours of training before getting a license, Pak army has outlined strict guidelines to be enforced by the ISI. "We want to avoid instances of rigging and fake licenses so that only the deserving get propelled," a senior water instructor told Humor Unplugged over a Skype chat.
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| The 'Jihadi Canon' |
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Coffee is on me. It actually is...need to change my shirt now