CBI tired of raiding premises

India's premier investigating agency is tired of raiding the homes and premises of corrupt politicians and businessmen accused of swindling tax payers hard earned money. Humor Unplugged has learnt that CBI has told the government that its officers were spending more times in the homes of the corrupt and this was adversely affecting their personal lives and consequently some of the cases were suffering as sleuths were unable to give their best to CBI.

“A part of the story is the fact that our personnel haven’t been able to rest properly since 2009, when the agency was inundated by a barrage of corruption probes. Some of our people haven’t updated their facebook status in the last 6 months and to add to their woes, some of these corrupt people have started retaliating. Many have even brought deadly pets that are roaming their premises. This cannot go on forever and we need to something about it,” a senior CBI told Humor Unplugged.

Another CBI sleuth who didn’t want to be named said “the other days as part of a routine raid, we went to the home of a senior politician. As soon as we entered his house, he let his mother-in-law loose on me. That lady forced me to listen to how the ‘bagalwali’ Mrs. Khanna’s daughter ran away with the vegetable vendor and then followed it up with the story on Mrs Mukherji and Mrs Kapoor’s fight. By the time she was done, I was totally drained. And then she asked me to come with her to do some grocery shopping. I cannot take this anymore”.  

Another sleuth told us how a former corrupt PM in Bangalore slept throughout a raid and the entire team couldn’t wake him up or make him move from his bed. Later on it was found that the former PM was sleeping on a bed with a false bottom where old coconut shells containing currency notes were hidden. He was asleep on this particular bed as the former PM didn’t want the CBI team to discover the notes and everyone knew that once this particular guy was asleep it was very difficult to wake him up.  

Sources have told Humor Unplugged that the home ministry is exploring various options to reduce the burden on over stretched CBI employees. Suresh Kalmadi, the main accused in the CWG scam claimed that he was pained to see the trouble that CBI had to go through to investigate cases. He claimed that he had asked the home ministry to let the corrupt politicians raid their own homes instead of letting CBI do so. “I don’t mind raiding my house a million times. In fact I raid the kitchen every mid night even though I don’t know where my wife hides the goodies and often it takes me hours to discover them. I am more than open to the idea of a voluntary raid and that is the need of the hour,” Kalmadi said.

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