Pages

Analytics

Rajdeep Sardesai slapped by Simi Garewal

Why the botox mummy got angry with India's leading journo

Humor Unplugged to file suit against ponytail

Why didn't you block our URLs?

Is Deepika Padukone cursed??

All her boyfriends are doomed says astrologer

Coal scam probe to cover allocations made since 3000 BC

CBI is serious about naming criminals looting the nation since Indus Valley Civilisation

Arnab Goswami tries to do a Manmohan Singh, gets mauled

Implementing reforms is a tough job for anyone

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Sania using Predator drone to spy on Shoaib Malik

India is fast turning into the biggest market for the very same drones that have helped US notch impressive hits in its war on terror in Afghanistan and Pakistan, according to informed sources.US drone maker General Atomics Aeronautical Systems has registered a 300 percent increase in queries from India over the last 7 months and is planning to open a office in the country shortly to cater to the soaring demand.

Ironically, the nation's armed forces are not at the forefront of this surge. Instead, it is the civilian sector that is asking for drones by the dozen and General Atomics is currently focusing on identifying genuine buyers, while rejecting fake requests. The national education ministry has asked General Atomics to supply 30 drones that will be deployed to scan board exam centers across the country. Ministry sources have told Humor Unplugged that MQ-1 Predator drones will monitor various exam centers and report instances of mass copying and or any other illegal activity.

Demand for these drones has also come from people who suspect their partners of cheating in a relationship. Really sour sources have told Humor Unplugged that tennis sensation Sania Mirza has deployed a drone outside her soon to be hubby Shoaib Malik’s house. The drone, to be operated by her friends in Pakistan, will fly at a “reasonable height”, stalk Shoaib and report on any “deviant behavior” to a satellite that will relay the information to Sania’s base camp in Hyderabad. “It (the drone) will be monitoring Shoaib through thermal imaging based on heat data on the Pakistani cricketer obtained clandestinely by Sania’s family,” a source close to Sania said. 

Former Air Dhakkan Chief Topinath has placed an order for 100 drones. Topinath will be using these to start a new airline exclusively for pets called Pet Airways, jointly with Dawood's right hand man in India Naresh Go-yell. The airline will initially operate in peak routes to ferry mongrels, felines, squirrels and other pets with limited inflight entertainment and food.


Pak asks Russia to hand over dossiers on Moscow blast accused

After it was proven beyond doubt that the recent spate of bombings to hit Russia were linked with his country,  Pakistan’s loud mouth foreign minister Qureshi has asked Russia to start providing dossiers on the accused at the earliest.  Pakistan has claimed that it wont be able to do anything till the dossiers start flowing from Moscow to Islamabad.

“As part of the established process we follow here, I issued a denial of Pakistan’s role in the event even before fingers were pointed at us. But, as soon as it was established beyond doubt that Pakistanis were indeed behind the attack, we swung into action. I wrote to my Russian counterpart and asked him to send us dossiers on the accused. We will start ignoring all requests to prosecute the suspects or even deport them after that,” Qureshi told Humor Unplugged over a Skype chat.

Condemning the attack, Qureshi said “this is the most barbaric and inhuman attack I have ever seen. We are indeed appalled by the magnitude of the attack and offer our condolences to the family of those affected by the attack,” Qureshi said before dashing off to attend an event organized by the Association of Chechen Terrorists in Pakistan.

Dossier museum to come up soon
Pakistan has decided to set up a museum dedicated to dossiers received from nations affected by terrorist attacks emanating from Pakistani soil. Pakistan, according to sources, has already received over 70 dossiers from India alone and is expecting the collection to grow in the days to come as more terror attacks happen across the globe.

“We have been accused of not doing enough on the war on terror and this move shows that we are as serious as Mr. Bean when it comes to the war on terror. I have invested more time on war on terror than on following the guy who is often found hiding underneath my bed on occasions when I come back suddenly from office without informing my wife…I am still trying to figure out as to what he does there. Besides, as a nation, the war on terror is a golden goose for us…so don’t expect us to kill it or ignore it in the short term,” Qureshi said.


Sunday, March 28, 2010

Images from the week gone by: Focus on Earthhour

Pakistan's "indigenously" developed missile 


Pakistani Foreign Minister Shah Mehmood Qureshi's bedroom 


"This one is for Carla's new boyfriend...just wait till I meet him": Sarko
Mumbai's Trident hotel (R) and Air India office (L) before and during (bottom) during Earth Hour

  India Gate before (top) and at the start of Earth Hour at 8:30pm (below)
 





Thursday, March 25, 2010

Pak gets coals from US, comes back giggling

Just have a look at this video and decide for yourself. Pakistan returned empty handed from US and acted as though they had got everything they wanted (reminds me of the time when Indian Army thrashed Pak army across the LoC in 1999 while Pakistan to this day believes that Kargil was a “victory”). In this hilarious video, Pakistani Foreign Minister Shah Mehmood Qureshi transforms into a monkey, making  a mockery of himself and his country in the process. Just watch the video and enjoy…


Pak’s Meaow will cost US $6 bn

After milking the US for its bogus war on terror, Pakistan has now come up with a new ponzy scheme to keep the moolah flowing. At a secret meeting in Karachi on Friday, the top brass of Pakistani army, the government, the ISI and representatives from the Pakistani Terrorists Association (PATA) agreed to start the next phase of activities to get more funds from the US.

Your only source for reliable inside information, Humor Unplugged, has learned that Pakistan will be launching a project called Militia Engagement Against Organized Warfare (MEAOW) to take on ‘militants’ who are well entrenched in the interior areas of FATA province. These militants will be none other than retired Pakistani armymen in disguise. The modus operandi is simple – firstly, Pakistani army men in guise of militants will hide in various corners of FATA. Then, Pak will pretend to mobilize rehabilitated militants to take on these “militants” and after a staged conflict, which will be as bogus as Pak’s commitment to the war on terror, that nation will claim victory. Following this a huge bill of US$ 6 billion will be presented to USA for reimbursement. Everything about this war will be fake, including bullets and the sound of firing (played from laptop speakers). 

Speaking to HU after the meeting, Pakistan’s Bogus War spokesperson Chaudary Bhoghash Cann said “this is a landmark day in the history of Pakistan. Project MEAOW will help us run the country for the next 5 years and also line up the pockets of our money hungry army guys. You see here in Pakistan, the only productive industry we have is terrorism. We have to make sure that we do everything right to make sure that the industry brings in money to run our economy and there cannot be any compromise on this front”.


Monday, March 22, 2010

Give us the nukes directly: Al Qaeeda

World’s number one terror group Al Qaeeda has urged the US government to sign a nuclear deal with it, instead of signing one with the Pakistan government. The request was made by Al Qaeeda’s permanent represent in Pakistan, Mullah Gomar on Sunday at a well attended press conference organized by the media cell of the Pakistan army.

Al Qaeeda has alleged that by giving the nukes to Pakistani government, there will be substantial delay in converting them into Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMDs).  “The Pakistani government cannot even assemble a cracker properly, let alone process spent fuel and convert them into WMDs. Also, by the time Pakistan hands over the weapons, they would already have degraded, thereby affecting its nuisance value,” Gomar said. 

Urging Noble Peace prize winner Obama to release the nukes to Al Qaeeda asap, Gomar said “What’s the point in signing an agreement with Pakistan if the nukes will anyway reach us? Pak government will anyway give us these weapons and so they should sign the deal with us and we will ensure that the weapons are used to create mayhem and destruction in nations around the world at the earliest”.

USA has meanwhile agreed to consider the request favorably. “This is inline with our efforts to hide Pakistan’s stellar role in 26-11 and even 9-11. We are immensely pleased with all the destruction caused by Pakistan so far. They are the number one threat to world peace and are giving sleepless nights to governments across the world. In such a situation, we might work out a deal to keep both the parties (Al Qaeeda and Pak government) happy,” a US embassy (in Pakistan) spokesperson told Humor Unplugged.


Sunday, March 21, 2010

Images for the week gone by - David Headley and more

George Washington would have shed a tear if he were around today. USA has moved quite a distance from the truth in the last few decades. The latest chapter in the saga was added only recently when Nobel Laureate Obama's administration started shielding a terrorist who did a 9-11 in India..





Mayawati's arrival at a rally was registered by ground sensors placed by the Geological  Survey of India. The Richter scale showed a mild quake of 2.0 intensity...


Give my jocks back..you jock thief



Members of the work from restroom association staging  a protest in UK. These folks believe that since people are most creative in RR, companies should allow people to work from there...




Hey...who changed the channel up there...





Watch out below...here i come..


Did you see me mommy??


SkypeBite: Karachi project revealed

This week Humor Unplugged had a not so lengthy conversation with Syed Salahuddin, the Chief Terror Officer of the Karachi Project, a joint venture between Pakistani government, the ISI and the Lashkar-e-Toiba. In this Skype chat, SS speaks about the project, its aims and the people who call the shots.

RS: tell us something about the Karachi project.
SS: The project was conceived almost 6 years back. We had met a delegation of Chinese businessmen who had just returned from Nigeria. They told us how the Chinese used to sell inferior medicines with a ‘Made in India” tag to reduce the sales of Indian medicines there.  It had worked quite well till the government there got suspicious and kicked the Chinese out of Nigeria.

We thought that we could adapt the same model for terrorism in the sub continent. We could use a few militants who will infiltrate India, train a few locals and strike against Indian targets under an Indian name. The idea was to ensure complete deniability and to project the whole thing as a home grown terrorist group.  We provide everything right up to the execution phase, which is done by the brainwashed locals, if not our own men.  

RS: David Coleman Headly, a key part of the project, has been arrested and is under trial in the US…isn’t that bad news?
SS: For whom? Not for us, for sure. We have been assured by USA that he will be put through a sham trial and locked up for life in that country. His secrets will stay with him in his cell and India wont even get a whiff of our plans. Though the US was quite uncooperative in the initial days, the intervention of Pakistani army on behalf of the ISI and Pak government made them see reason. Even if Headly is not executed, we are not at all worried as US has more to lose in case Headly squeals.

RS: Why would you say that?SS: You see the whole world knows that Pakistani government is a dedicated sponsor of terror. The role of ISI in fostering trouble in the subcontinent is well known, so are the pious intentions of the Lashkar-e-Toiba. But what many are unaware of is that without the help of US double agent Headly, 26-11 wouldn’t have happened. They looked the other way when Headly was doing all kinds of things to help us attack India. Everyone including Nobel Peace prize winner and Pakistan’s dole incharge Obama know this. US has got its hands red with the blood of innocents who died in 26-11, at the hands of our braindead jehadis.

RS: Could you elaborate on the role played by Pakistani army in this?
SS: No problem. Pakistani army has deputed a bunch of its retired officers to help us. They have also given us access to their training infrastructure in Balochistan and Karachi. We didn’t want the Pakistani army to be involved directly as their battle skills are as good as Nauru’s army. They are the first ones to run for shelter as soon as they hear that the Indian Army has moved a few of its formations towards the border. They surrender even before the first shot is fired and if it weren’t for the US army training, Pakistan’s army would have looked like a bunch of civil defense guys from Greenland in uniform. Pakistani army by itself cannot even kill a fly; but the moment they go behind the scenes, they get some work done. Besides, with their connections in the US, we have access to unaccountable sources of funds.

RS: Is Dawood Ibrahim part of the Karachi project?
SS: We have kept him out of this one as the Indian intelligence sleuths knew everything about what he was upto. I have read some of the dossiers authored by the Indian government on him and given to Pak government. It is almost as if they are like his shadow. We were afraid that Dawood’s involvement would alert the Indians about our plans.Besides, we already have about 10 volumes of dossiers sitting in the dossier library opened by the Pakistani government and don't have space for anymore.

RS: You have stated that the war against India will continue. Any reason for this?
SS: Yeah there is a very strong reason. We are bored to death here in Pakistan and don’t have anything else to do. The Pakistani telecom guys have blocked all the social networking sites, the supply of pirated bollywood DVDs has reduced and the population of donkeys in the Pak-Afn border has been on the decline since US started bombing those areas. Till we have something better to do, we will be fighting.


Saturday, March 20, 2010

Mayawati now wants an IPL team

PM hopeful and all round fashion i-con Mayawati has done it again.This time she wants to become the first female politician in India to own a Indian Premier League team.  Sources close to the lavishly rich UP CM have told Humor Unplugged that Mayawati is planning to invest some of her ill-gotten wealth in one of the franchises that are currently on the block or the ones that will be created in the future.

Mayawati’s private wealth manager Chavvani Lal, when contacted confirmed the development. “Yes, Behensji oops, I mean Behenji is very interested in owning an IPL team. She sees herself in the same league as Shilpa (Shetty) and Priety (Zinta). Behenji has seen these girls jumping like frogs inside the stadium quite often in the company of some unknown men and she wants to do the same. I have infact asked our district incharge folks to start collecting more monetary garlands to help our great leader attain this goal,” Chavvani told Humor Unplugged.

According to sources, the national monetary garland market is worth any where between 100-200 crores. In the 2009-2010 fiscal alone, Mayawati led regional outfits mopped up nearly 111 crore of this amount. Mayawati’s team is also connected with the extortion market that runs in parts of UP. “Earlier we used to collect money every year but, this year onwards we will be collecting money on a monthly basis. Every district will have to compulsorily meet its monthly revenue target and offer at least one currency garland every month to our supreme diety…oops I meant deity," an office bearer of Bahujan Samaj Party said.


Mayawati has meanwhile sacked an IAS babu responsible for giving her 'practical' ideas. “Such a wonderful idea did not come from the concerned babu, so he was moved to the animal husbandry department as a senior dung inspector,” Mayawati’s information commissioner told Humor Unplugged.

IPL commissioner Lalit Modi ,when contacted, said that as of now IPL will be accepting only wire transfers and garlands were not an 'authorized' mode of cash transfer. He however said that the IPL was open to looking at new means of cash transfer as and when they emerge. 


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Ultimate honor for Mayawathi, India will name a cyclone after her

In a move designed to recognize Uttar Pradesh CM Mayawathi’s penchant for wasting public money, the Indian government has decided to name the next major cyclone in the South Asian region after her. The decision was taken at a meeting called by union finance minister Pranab Mukherjee at his office on Monday evening.  The hurriedly arranged meeting was also attended by Union Science and Technology minister Prithviraj Chavan and officials from the Prime Minister’s Office.

The Indian PM, according to sources, was quite upset with the CM of Uttar Pradesh for “indulging in wanton display of extravagance” at her party’s rally in Lucknow.  After a closed door meeting with the finance minister, the PM asked Pranabda to suggest a suitable punishment for the “reckless” UP CM who has come to symbolize a serious rot in the system.

“There were a few options available, including naming an award after her to be given away to the state with the maximum fiscal deficit, using her picture on the warning labels on cigarettes and other tobacco products or even naming a newly discovered species of parasitic fungus after her. But the finance minister decided to go easy on her this time…next time strictures will be imposed on all types of spending on any government that does anything remotely identical,” our source in the finance ministry said.        

Prithviraj Chavan has meanwhile asked The Indian Meteorological Department (IMD) to complete the formalities and inform all stakeholders at the earliest about the move. IMD, it may be remembered, has the mandate to provide weather advisories to seven countries -- Bangladesh, the Maldives, Myanmar, Oman, Pakistan, Thailand and Sri Lanka besides India.  If Mayawathi is still in power at the time of Cyclone Mayawathi, she and her government will be asked to foot the relief and rehabilitation bill in entirety, S&T ministry sources told Humor Unplugged.

The IT industry has already honored Mayawathi. A group of Bangalore based programmers have named a virus which makes systems unresponsive and throw a blue screen at horrified users. “Just like the UP government has become unresponsive to citizens needs after Mayawathi took over, this virus also renders a system unresponsive and diverts memory resources for unwanted functions and that’s why we decided to the name the virus after Mayawathi,” a techie told HU over a casual chat on Skype.

Image: One of Mayawathi's handbags

Ten such humongous handbags belonging to the UP CM were fully loaded with money by the end of the party rally. They were flown off to her residence by a special government helicopter.


Sunday, March 14, 2010

Curbing unruly and unparliamentarily behavior

They are pests, uncultured dullards and freaks of the first order who bring ignominy to their cultured and suave counterparts in parliament.   Yes, we are talking about unruly MPs who are always looking for flimsy excuses to disrupt parliamentary proceedings. In this exclusive post, Humor Unplugged looks at ways to put an end to the unpardonable behavior of such MPs. Here are a few suggestions to the speakers of the two houses of parliament.

* Make all MPs wear wireless shock collars on their necks with the controls residing with the speaker. As and when a MP starts misbehaving, the chair can press a button to release almost 150 v of power. The MPs shouldn’t be able to remove the collar as long as they are inside the parliament.
* Deploy sharp shooters armed with tranquilizer darts at strategic points in both the houses. Give them power to take down unruly members before they can cause further mischief
* Hire a strong nanny to keep a watch on unruly members. The nanny should have the power to thrash the mischief mongers with microphones or anything available
* Start a detention room in parliament. Detain unruly members for a period of not less than 2 days there. Human and media contact should not be allowed for the period of stay
* Reserve the seats belonging to such members for women for the next two terms
* Direct such MPs to edit the next 8000 page dossier that we will be handing over to Pakistan
* If a member is responsible for more than two disruptions, force him to go on a date with Mayawathi\Mamta Banerjee. Make it Lalloo, if the disrupting MP is a lady
* Force misbehaving members to watch the 3-D version of Desh Drohi without any break
* Make such members cycle near Mulayam Singh’s private runway in Ittawa while his private plane is landing
* Ask them to learn one foreign language over the next 5 days, failing which they will have to forfeit their seat
* Make such MPs clean one of India’s warships completely with just a tooth brush


Saturday, March 13, 2010

Lalit Modi may takeover BCCI by 2015

A confidential internal report prepared by BCCI has warned that IPL commissioner Lalit Modi was scheming to use his monetary muscle to takeover BCCI to emerge as the unchallenged ruler of the Indian cricketing landscape. According to sources, the coup could happen as soon as 2015 and the mere thought of a Modi controlling cricket in India has set the alarm bells ringing in BCCI. Humor Unplugged has learned that the report, prepared by a high level committee, will be the topic of discussion at an emergency meeting convened at Sharad Pawar’s residence on Saturday.

The report warns that Modi had prepared a blue print to convert the BCCI into his personal fiefdom by 2015. Chapter 5 of the report mentions that he has already contacted similar money minded businessmen, politicians, players, actors, maoists and the sub underworld for this purpose. 

On Friday evening, as soon as the findings of the report were placed before Pawar, a distraught BCCI chief rushed to meet home minister P Chidambaram to ask for support. Chidambaram has promised all possible help to Pawar in this regard and asked the latter to worry about his sugar business and leave the rest to the Indian government.    

“What has angered Sharad Bhau is the fact that sugar prices are stabilizing and the business won’t be too profitable in the long term. Bhau is therefore counting on cricket to keep the moolah tap flowing. This Modi is turning into a major hurdle for him and Bhau wants to get rid of this hurdle soon. Bhau has started getting nightmares of Modi turning him into a cheer leader and watches reruns of parliamentary proceedings on national TV to get some sleep” a source close to Sharad Pawar told  HU over a HAM radio chat.    

Meanwhile Modi, has found an unlikely ally in Mamta, who claimed that the government did not consult her before giving offering an assurance to Pawar. When reminded that the issue did not come under her ministry, Mamta threatened to go on an indefinite diet, till her voice was “heard” by the government. 

When contacted, Modi refused to speak to HU till we credit $1000 in his Cayman Islands account by end of day, Saturday. He also warned us not to use the words IPL, Modi and any combination thereof on our blog till we complete the transaction.


Pic of the week...

Sarko to Obama "Is your wife away on a vacation with someone too?"


Monday, March 8, 2010

Vice President spotted on national television

Indian Vice President Hamid Ansari made a rare appearance on national television today, bringing much cheer to VP watchers across the nation. His appearance was registered by sensors placed by the Vice President Monitoring Association of India (VPMAI) on television screens across the nation. The sighting was later confirmed by the National Celebrity Sighting Agency (NACSA). 

“This is indeed a rare moment in the wildlife history of our country. We have sighted a rare member of the species biologically called as Vicepresidentis Indica. The sighting was made at 11.00 hrs today and we have had a positive ID on the organism. The appearance was for a brief period during the debate on the Women's reservation bill in Rajya Sabha, before it was attacked by members of another species. The animal withdrew into a shell immediately and disappeared. All efforts to trace the animal after that came to a naught and we returned from parliament with long faces,” VPMAI principal investigator   Dr. Hammerschmidst said.

So far, the sightings of Hamid Ansari have been restricted to a few media encounters in a limited geographical area. Political scientists have often questioned the existence of Vicepresidentis Indica with some going to the extent of calling the organism as part of 'glorified folklore'. VPMAI was set up by a group of former venture capitalists in 2008 to prove the existence of this rare animal and put all speculations and rumors to rest.

A disappointed Hammerschmidst has vowed to continue the search for the elusive animal and ultimately prove its existence. "Water was always there on the moon; but its existence was confirmed only a few days back. We are also hoping to confirm the existence of a vice president in India one day and that's what keeps us motivated," the renowned paleozoologist said.


Sunday, March 7, 2010

I am allergic to scripts: Mahesh Bhatt

Former director and the voice (or should we say noise) of bollywood, Mahesh Bhat has had one tumultuous year in 2009. How has the man changed over the year and how did he manage to hold his head high amidst the calamity? Rajcreep find out for Humor Unplugged.

RS: What was your first reaction when you were told that your son has been linked to Jihadi Headley?
MB: When I first saw the article, I thought that this was a fit piece for a movie. I immediately called up Emran (Hasmi) and Pooja (Bhatt). We had unanimously decided to turn this into a movie thinking it was some other Rahul and some other Mahesh. But when we started shooting, a spotboy pointed out that the people in question were none other than me and my son. I was shocked and disappointed beyond belief…

RS: So the Jehadi link did get you down…
MB: No, not that silly, the fact that we had lost a movie plot – that’s what bothered me. It will now be months before we get another one..this is a major loss…yeah the jehadi link was also something of concern…but then it did give some media mileage so all is forgiven.

RS: So these newspaper articles are akin to scripts to you…
MB: I don’t work with scripts…I am in fact allergic to them. My stories are all out there in print…my job is just to animate them using Emran Hashmi. The moment you prepare a script, you can the original story and that’s bad. I believe in being as natural as possible…in fact we even have the original reporter join us as a consultant.

RS: You are viewed as the voice of bollywood…
MB: That’s right…my mouth is open 24X7 there is a group of flies that reside there. Besides unlike others, I am quite available at all times..no wonder I have had so many relationships…in fact I miss them all (starts laughing and falls off his chair). I share my opinion irrespective of whether people ask for it or not.


Images from the week gone by...timepass

Am on Facebook..how about you??


Pakistani Airforce pilots on a routine sortie 



A consignment of pokimon langots on a wide bodied funny looking aircraft on its way to Rawalpindi. The langots are part of the US war on terror and will be distributed among the "good taliban"


A Talibani goodwill ambassador gets ready to welcome US troops
 

The official car of Pakistan's loud mouth interior minister Rehman Malik


Saturday, March 6, 2010

Arundathi Roy praises Al Qaeeda, India keeps Qatar on standby

After earning the wrath of a billion Indians for praising Chinese-backed and brainwashed Maoists in India, ‘writer’ Arundathi Roy has shocked the nation again by praising the scourge of the free world Al Qaeeda. The praise came late on Friday night after a news channel managed to cause utter discomfort to her by asking some straightforward questions on her support for the Maoists.

Al Qaeeda, are a group of warriors who are fighting for justice in an unjust world. They have valid grievances such as lack of sun bathing facilities in Antarctica and low penetration of broadband in Greenland. Further, they are also against celebrities who tweet every breath they take and Google for playing around with the privacy of millions of net users,” the Maoist sympathizer told humor unplugged. When reminded that Al Qaeeda may not be the group she was referring to, Arundathi went as ballistic as a GSLV MK III rocket and claimed that our blog was funded by nefarious multinationals who wanted to steal online real estate belonging to “poor bloggers".

“You are blinded by greed; you will not be able to see the wonderful work groups like the Maoists and Al Qaeeda are doing across the world. Maybe they are butchering some innocent people in the process, but that doesn’t take the sheen away from the expertise they have gained offlate. The Maoists have become experts in kidnapping, extortion and have mastered the classic art of blowing railway tracks. Al Qaeeda consists of individuals who are so brain dead that they are ready to blow themselves up over any issue. In fact I have heard of an individual who blew himself up in front of the customer care center of a Pakistani telecom service provider in Karachi because there were huge discrepancies in his monthly bill.  Another guy went on a shooting spree in a mall because he couldn’t locate the restroom there. So all these are cases where the government needs to do more to address the grievances of these brilliant, but harassed, individuals," Roy said without taking a pause.

Qatar placed on standby  
The Indian government has asked Qatar to be prepared to receive another Indian citizen. Humor Unplugged was the first and only blog to report on a clandestine deal signed by India and Qatar during the M F Hussein crises. The Indian government, according to sources, has informed its Qatari counterpart about its decision to deport Ms Roy to that country soon. Qatar has meanwhile initiated the documentation process for importing Roy and will report back to the Indian government on the progress of the same. Once the documentation process is completed, Ms Roy will be transported in a wide-bodied aircraft of the Indian Air Force and dumped in Qatar.


Friday, March 5, 2010

Mumblers to lead Indian delegation to Pakistan: composite dialogue on the anvil

India has decided to send a delegation led by mumbling stalwarts Yash Chopra and Jaswant Singh for talks with Pakistan. The decision was taken at a high level meeting chaired by external affairs minister S M Krishna on Thursday. Sources in the ministry have told Humor Unplugged that the two will be leading a delegation to Islamabad soon to discuss the ‘other issues’ raised by Islamabad. 

“Pak has been ranting about the need for composite talks. So while channel 1 comprising of foreign secretaries of two countries will be talking terror, Jaswant and Yash Chopra will initiate composite dialogue with Pakistan,” our mole in the external affairs ministry told us over a off the record chat.

The two luminaries of the film world and mole politics, Yash and Jaswant have been known to keep the audience confused for hours with their mumbling. Their utterances are not just hard to decipher but the stony expression on their faces negates any attempt to figure out whats on their mind.  

“After one or two rounds Pakistanis will give up when they realize what we have done. They will then fall back on channel 1 and we will have our way. Even if Jaswant and Yash are silent, you will not be able to know anything. When they start talking, I have seen reporters trying everything to find out what these two want to say. One guy went to the extent of attending a lip reading class to understand Jaswant better…but he ended up as a mime after failing to decipher the moleman,” our mole says.

Right now only FBI has the equipment to decipher sub and ultra sonic mumbling and Pakistan wont be able to gain access to it anytime soon. Both Jaswant and Yash Chopra were offline and unavailable for chat when Humor Unplugged checked their status on Skype.


More