Ultimate honor for Mayawathi, India will name a cyclone after her

In a move designed to recognize Uttar Pradesh CM Mayawathi’s penchant for wasting public money, the Indian government has decided to name the next major cyclone in the South Asian region after her. The decision was taken at a meeting called by union finance minister Pranab Mukherjee at his office on Monday evening.  The hurriedly arranged meeting was also attended by Union Science and Technology minister Prithviraj Chavan and officials from the Prime Minister’s Office.

The Indian PM, according to sources, was quite upset with the CM of Uttar Pradesh for “indulging in wanton display of extravagance” at her party’s rally in Lucknow.  After a closed door meeting with the finance minister, the PM asked Pranabda to suggest a suitable punishment for the “reckless” UP CM who has come to symbolize a serious rot in the system.

“There were a few options available, including naming an award after her to be given away to the state with the maximum fiscal deficit, using her picture on the warning labels on cigarettes and other tobacco products or even naming a newly discovered species of parasitic fungus after her. But the finance minister decided to go easy on her this time…next time strictures will be imposed on all types of spending on any government that does anything remotely identical,” our source in the finance ministry said.        

Prithviraj Chavan has meanwhile asked The Indian Meteorological Department (IMD) to complete the formalities and inform all stakeholders at the earliest about the move. IMD, it may be remembered, has the mandate to provide weather advisories to seven countries -- Bangladesh, the Maldives, Myanmar, Oman, Pakistan, Thailand and Sri Lanka besides India.  If Mayawathi is still in power at the time of Cyclone Mayawathi, she and her government will be asked to foot the relief and rehabilitation bill in entirety, S&T ministry sources told Humor Unplugged.

The IT industry has already honored Mayawathi. A group of Bangalore based programmers have named a virus which makes systems unresponsive and throw a blue screen at horrified users. “Just like the UP government has become unresponsive to citizens needs after Mayawathi took over, this virus also renders a system unresponsive and diverts memory resources for unwanted functions and that’s why we decided to the name the virus after Mayawathi,” a techie told HU over a casual chat on Skype.

Image: One of Mayawathi's handbags

Ten such humongous handbags belonging to the UP CM were fully loaded with money by the end of the party rally. They were flown off to her residence by a special government helicopter.