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Showing posts from November, 2010

Wardrobe malfunction issue rocks Lok Sabha, proceedings stalled

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Our busy, highly competent and intellectually well endowed parliamentarians came up with another issue of national interest for discussion in the Lok Sabha today. Proceedings in the ‘lower’ house of parliament were stalled, thanks to opposition members raking up the issue of a B-grade bollywood actress’ wardrobe malfunction that happened a few days ago. The issue caught the attention of our law makers who used it to put more pressure on the UPA government.

Raising the issue during ‘zero’ hour, national moral guardian Chavvani Lal said “this is a matter of shame and disgust for us. The so called actress has torn the moral fiber of the nation with this unpardonable act and it is now upto the government to act to curb and discourage such unethical behavior”. Opposition MPs demanded a Joint Parliamentary Committee (JPC) Probe into the issue, while the ruling Congress urged members to ‘chill’ and suggested a ‘Supreme Court guided’ probe.

“The actress in question is not exactly a star or s…

Postcards from Pakistan

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If Pakistan was made to undergo a TSA full body scan at a US airport

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This will be the result

Indian government installs automated reminder machine (ARM)

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A bunch of lazy mandarins in the Indian government have come up with a novel way of reminding Pakistan about the need to act against perpetrators of various terror attacks directed against India emanating from Pakistani soil. These fancy bureaucrats have installed an Automated Reminder Machine (ARM) on the Home ministry campus to issue periodic reminders to the Pakistan embassy in New Delhi and to the Pakistani foreign ministry in Islamabad on the need to 'act'.

The machine, developed after much R&D, went online on Friday on the second anniversary of the 26-11 attacks. ARM was inaugurated by union home minister P Chidambaram by pressing a button which released a reminder that went straight to its intended recipients and delivered an ‘ignored’ receipt from the Pak side. “Once again we call upon Pakistan to dismantle the terror machine operating with impunity in territories under its control and bring the perpetrators of the Mumbai attack to speedy justice,” the reminder sai…

Top statements made by the Indian government after 26-11

The only thing Indian government has done in the last two years is to parrot lines crafted by some fossil babus. The shameful part is that some of these statements have been repeated so often that they have become embedded in the minds of every minister or babu who has to deal with Pakistan and its wicked intentions…

Our patience is wearing thinPakistan needs to do more to curb terrorism emanating from its soil Bring 26/11 perpetrators to justiceTime-bound fulfilment of Pakistan's stated commitments is essential Substantive and verifiable progress is needed We salute the courage, unity and the resolve of ordinary MumbaikarsConsequences in case of future terrorist attacks will be severe for Pakistan Hand over 'voice samples' of Lashkar-e-Taiba (LeT) terrorists Security intensified in MumbaiPakistan should look at India’s demand favorably Pakistan should dismantle terror camps existing on its soil We have handed over another dossier on 26-11 to Pakistan 
God, please dispatch …

India to open world’s first ‘C’ school

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After the emergence of a series of non-stop scams, the Indian government has decided to finally act. At a hurriedly convened meeting in the national capital yesterday, an empowered Group of Ministers approved a proposal to establish an institution dedicated to prepare corrupt professionals of the future.

The Indian Institute of Corruption (IIC) to come up in the 4 metros will be an institute of excellence and groom future Kalmadis, Rajas and Yedurappas. According to sources who were present at the meeting, the institute will start functioning by 2012 and will admit students who have a proven track record in the field of corruption and have excelled in garnering bribes, kickbacks and illegal favors at the expense of public trust and money. These institutes will also conduct a national exam called the Corrupt Admission Test (CAT) to ‘weed out honest students’.    

In addition to CAT, candidates can also give a Goony Mismanagement Aptitude Test (GMAT) to get into IIC. Corrupt babus, inc…

Images for the week gone by - chatting with nature

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Good Taliban launches PR blitzkrieg

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Post Obama’s visit to the sub continent, the ‘Good Taliban’ has gone on a PR overdrive. Using the services of a Karachi-based Ad agency, the so called ‘better half of Taliban’ has launched a campaign to be seen as such.




Now Kalmadi and A Raja want Aazadi

After the Jurassic monstrosity called Geelani asked for Aazadi, it was the turn of CWG clown Suresh Kalmadi and 2G goon A Raja to ask for Aazadi. Humor Unplugged has learnt that the two had recently organized a workshop with local serpent Arundathi Roy demanding nothing but complete independence from India for the trio. It is still not clear as to how these three got together and whether there is a territorial angle to the whole thing.

The Indian government has meanwhile agreed to the request and decided to send all three of them to the Chilean mine that has been kept open thanks to a special request from India. “This will give them aazadi for sure,” a senior bureaucrat in the ministry of external affairs said.

Humor Unplugged reports from Bangalore - Arundathi Roy meanwhile got stuck in a traffic jam in Bangalore early morning today, forcing her to renew her demand for aazadi. “You see such jams necessitate Aazadi and only independence can solve such problems,” she said.  

Aung San Suu Kyi - this one's for you

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You know what? The entire military apparatus of Myanmar is afraid of one lady...

Hats off to Aung San Suu Kyi. Asia needs more of your kind. Fearless, bold and unwavering leadership thats what you stand for. Humor Unplugged hopes to see you at the helm of things in Myanmar soon.

Pakistan cricketer Zulqarnain Haider seeks asylum in Big Boss reality show

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The true reason behind Pakistan cricketer Zulqarnain Haider, fleeing to London has now emerged. Humor Unplugged, India’s favorite blog, has learnt that the former Pakistan wicket keeper wanted to gain entry into the house of Big Boss as a participant and that was the reason behind him enacting the whole death threat drama. Big Boss is a reality TV programme broadcast in India and follows the Big Brother format.

Haider, according to close sources, will make a formal appeal for asylum in the house of Big Boss this week and his appeal in all likelihood will be accepted. Big Boss sources have told Humor Unplugged that the show, which has a TRP of 0.1 is desperate to infuse a new twist in the plot to attract viewers. The show however is quite popular in Pakistan, where many see it as an ultimate chance to earn some quick bucks without being a suicide bomber or a gun\drugs runner.

A Pakistani TV channel is also planning to launch its own version of Big Boss. Tentatively christened Big Mullah…

Aazadi for dummies - out now in stores

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Heres what we think of China

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Our special salute to China and a reminder that here at Humor Unplugged, we don't take anything lying down. This is a special gift from the people of India (including the Indian state of Tibet) to the hegemonic government of China. If you don't stop stapling the visas of Indians from Kashmir, more will follow.

Exclusive: Cucumber resembling Obama appears

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Ahead of Obama’s India visit, a cucumber is making news for all the weird reasons. The cucumber in question, belonging to farmer Chandrabhan from Nasik, bears an uncanny resemblance to Obama, according to folks who had the privilege of seeing it from close quarters. Humor Unplugged was the first and only blog to get a picture of the Obamaish cucumber.
“A neighbor noticed the cucumber yesterday morning and we were aware that Obama is coming to look for a job in India. When we connected the two, we knew right away that there was a divine angle here. The stream of visitors to my home hasn’t stopped since then as people are quite curious to know what a vegetable version of the US president would look like,” Chandrabhan said in an exclusive early morning interview with Humor Unplugged. 
Chandrabhan claimed that he had even received a call from the Maharashtra chief minister’s office (CMO). According to him, Ashok Chavan was very eager to have the US president visit the cucumber and make a si…

Smile...you are on camera

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Can financial infidelity be another excuse for a divorce?

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It was just another day in the cubicle-bound life of Tawatchai Chidchob (name changed) in Bangalore till he ‘got mail’. His wife had slapped a divorce notice on him alleging that Tawatchai was ‘financially unfaithful’ to her. The bolt from the blue almost knocked Tawatchai from his chair and it took him almost three hours to recover.

“Yes, I agree that I forgot to give my food coupons to her. I had forgotten to take them with me and they were sitting in my drawer in the office. But for a crime of this tiny magnitude, a divorce is indeed a huge punishment” Tawatchai said. Recollecting the events of the day Tawatchai said “That evening when I went home, my wife asked me to hand over the coupons and I told her I will get them tomorrow. But instead of chilling, she just took off, questioning my loyalty, integrity and financial commitment. Before I could rue the end of my carefree single days, she was gone, off on a self imposed exile to her parents place. She even took our pet Bobo with he…

Happy Diwali...

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Humor Unplugged wishes all readers a very happy and bright Diwali...

Corrupt Now – the new channel from Times TV; Kalmadi turns anchor

Bowing down to the increasing spread of corruption in India, country’s premier broadcaster Times Television today announced the launch of a channel dedicated to corruption. Corrupt Now, the new news and lifestyle channel from Times TV will air content dedicated to and focused on corruption.

Announcing the launch, Arnab Ghostsawme, Chief Editor, Times TV said “There’s so much news related to corruption trickling in every minute and it is not possible to poke my pen at each one of them when you have to cover other news also. That’s why we have decided to launch a channel dedicated to covering news on corruption”. “That’s all hogwash”, said a senior Times TV employee. “Look the truth is the fight for corruption is now officially over. In India we cannot win over corruption. We stand a chance against terrorism as we are more united against it. But we simply cannot defeat corruption and that’s why Times TV decided to use it as a revenue stream and as a vehicle to increase the reach of its …