Indian government installs automated reminder machine (ARM)
A bunch of lazy mandarins in the Indian government have come up with a novel way of reminding Pakistan about the need to act against perpetrators of various terror attacks directed against India emanating from Pakistani soil. These fancy bureaucrats have installed an Automated Reminder Machine (ARM) on the Home ministry campus to issue periodic reminders to the Pakistan embassy in New Delhi and to the Pakistani foreign ministry in Islamabad on the need to 'act'.
The machine, developed after much R&D, went online on Friday on the second anniversary of the 26-11 attacks. ARM was inaugurated by union home minister P Chidambaram by pressing a button which released a reminder that went straight to its intended recipients and delivered an ‘ignored’ receipt from the Pak side. “Once again we call upon Pakistan to dismantle the terror machine operating with impunity in territories under its control and bring the perpetrators of the Mumbai attack to speedy justice,” the reminder said.
Officials have fed atleast 5 dates into the machine so far. On each one of these days (such as 26-11, 13-12 etc), a pre composed text reminder will be sent by the machine to the recipients without any manual intervention. “For now we have programmed the machine for 100 years. The reminders can then be renewed for another 1000 years, or till the next ice age or such a time that a meteor strikes or a deranged mullah nukes the world. ARM is very smart and can issue statements with 5 levels of strength in terms of wordiness depending on the mood of citizens,” a babu involved in the project said. Humor Unplugged has learnt that the government has asked the bureaucrats to develop a machine that can generate dossiers after a terror attack.
Sources have told Humor Unplugged that the machine has attracted much attention from potential customers. Karnataka’s Minister for corruption and wanton indulgence Yedurappa. “A variant of this machine will allow the CM to issue automated denials as and when a corruption charge is levied against him,” a source close to the CM said.
The machine, developed after much R&D, went online on Friday on the second anniversary of the 26-11 attacks. ARM was inaugurated by union home minister P Chidambaram by pressing a button which released a reminder that went straight to its intended recipients and delivered an ‘ignored’ receipt from the Pak side. “Once again we call upon Pakistan to dismantle the terror machine operating with impunity in territories under its control and bring the perpetrators of the Mumbai attack to speedy justice,” the reminder said.
Officials have fed atleast 5 dates into the machine so far. On each one of these days (such as 26-11, 13-12 etc), a pre composed text reminder will be sent by the machine to the recipients without any manual intervention. “For now we have programmed the machine for 100 years. The reminders can then be renewed for another 1000 years, or till the next ice age or such a time that a meteor strikes or a deranged mullah nukes the world. ARM is very smart and can issue statements with 5 levels of strength in terms of wordiness depending on the mood of citizens,” a babu involved in the project said. Humor Unplugged has learnt that the government has asked the bureaucrats to develop a machine that can generate dossiers after a terror attack.
Sources have told Humor Unplugged that the machine has attracted much attention from potential customers. Karnataka’s Minister for corruption and wanton indulgence Yedurappa. “A variant of this machine will allow the CM to issue automated denials as and when a corruption charge is levied against him,” a source close to the CM said.
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| ARM prototype |
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Coffee is on me. It actually is...need to change my shirt now