Showing posts from May, 2010

Images for the week gone by..beating the summer heat

Beating the summer heat method # 238965: a cool dive

Is there any 'plane wash' nearby? Old Vs new
Beating the summer heat method # 12345: taking a walk in the local river
A Afghani kid in school...when will Pakistan stop poking its evil nose into the internal affairs of its neighbors?
A not so interesting protest

Stranger in Moscow

Jihadi Process Outsourcing, the next big thing for Pakistan

Pakistan is enhancing its investments in building infrastructure for training and arming Jihadis in anticipation of a significant growth in the Jihadi Process Outsourcing (JPO) business. Pakistani trade mullahs have predicted that the JPO industry will grow at a CAGR of over 80 percent over the next three years and urged the Pakistani government to do more to ensure that the revenue flow keeps increasing.

National Association of Jihadi Services Companies (NAJCOM), the umbrella body of all Jihadi groups operating in Pakistan has already passed a resolution asking members to work more closely with the government. NAJCOM had hitherto raised a banner of revolt against the government when the latter tried to end the tax breaks extended by Pakistan to Jihadi organizations till 2012. Not only did Pakistan have to backtrack on that move, but the government also had to issue over 400 passports in a single day (a record for Pakistan) to Jihadis who were chosen for onsite assignments to placate …

Unions threaten encore, Air India flight to Qatar on standby, Canada sounded

In a move to prevent the now derecognized unions from launching another strike, Air India has kept aside a Boeing 737 aircraft on standby to dump the AI union leaders in Qatar. Airline sources have told Humor Unplugged that an angry AI management has warned the union leaders that they will be transported to Qatar and dropped there forever, unless the union withdraws its threat to go on an indefinite strike immediately.

“These employees represent the scum of the airline and must be disposed off immediately to ensure that the airline functions effectively.  Since India has signed a reverse extradition treaty with Qatar to export the rot of our country to them, we urged the government to place the union leaders in the same category and ditch them in Qatar. We have also kept an aircraft on standby and as and when these union leaders go on strike, the cops will arrest them and hand them over to us, after tearing their Indian passports. We will then fly them to Qatar and leave them there. …

Pak responds to Indian PMs peace overtures

Pakistani PM Geelani has responded to the recent moves by his Indian counterpart to improve ties between India and Pakistan. After PM Manmohan Singh sent a crate full of mangoes to Geelani, the latter dispatched a crate full of factory fresh multi-impact hand grenades to the former. “Who says there is a lack of trust in our relations? If India takes one step towards friendship we will take two. If India sends mangoes, we will send our premium grenades and if they send their peace ambassadors to Pakistan, we will dispatch our peace ambassadors from Lashkar and Jaish to them. You see this is the way our relationship works and everyone knows what Pakistan is famous for in the global arena and we simply live up to the expectation,” Pakistani PM Geelani told Humor Unplugged over a Skype chat yesterday.

The crate of grenades presented by Pakistani PM to his Indian counterpart

Mutalik’s ‘riot in the box’ finds buyer in Thailand

Humor Unplugged has learnt that Ram Sena head Pramod Mutalik’s innovative riot model ‘riot in the box’ will soon have a customer outside India. Red Shirts, the Thai movement supported by ousted Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra, has expressed interest in purchasing a license for implementing ‘riot in the box’ in Thailand.

According to sources as reliable as Pakistan's commitment to the war on terror, Red Shirts' representatives met Ram Sena executives on Saturday and discussed ways to use the riot model designed by Mutalik to maximize the impact of the ongoing stir in Thailand. Ram Sena’s commercial wing Riotworks spokesperson appeared confident that Red Shirts will buy Riot in the box and use it in Thailand. “The package is designed to create riots even in places where people don’t even point fingers. And once it is implemented, there is a domino effect and the effect of the riot just goes on multiplying till such a time that the political objectives are met. The best part i…

How you can be a idiot bomber

The book that inspired Idiot Bomber has been revised and the new edition is now out in stores. This one pays tribute to the guy who made idiot bombing a household name...

Available in stores across Pakistan.

Images for the week gone by..traffic cop in North Korea

We love facebook...thats what the banner says...
Laila...was here
What is he shooting at...
0-120 in 60 secs

I can still sell this for 50 USD
Traffic cop in North Korea

Carbon terrorism will be the next big ‘thingi’: expert

International strategic affairs expert and over all good guy Dr. Hammerschmidst has warned that the world will face a new form of terrorism that will make Al Qaeeda seem like candy peddlers. This new form of terror, called carbon terrorism, will strike at the root of global peace and could weaken the very pillars of our existence, the doc said at a press conference organized in Hong Kong on Monday.

According to the doc, carbon terrorists might act against states by holding hostages, blowing up infrastructure or even engaging governments in low intensity conflicts to attain their goal of reducing the carbon footprint of nations. “These terrorists will use a mix of traditional and unconventional terror tactics to force governments into signing protocols to reduce carbon emissions, use eco friendly technologies. Eventually, these terrorists will make governments do many things they otherwise wouldn’t have and that won’t be good for their respective economies. You know what’s worse? The f…

Now Robots will issue Fatwa

Robots have been marrying people, detecting and disarming bombs and mines and even replacing actors on screen for a while now. All that is past because now, a company in Dubai has come up with a robot that does the impossible –  issue threatening fatwas. Sources have told India’s favorite blog Humor Unplugged that the company, which has chosen not to disclose its name for compliance reasons, will come out with the robot, as soon as it gets the mandatory clearances from the government of UAE. 

Company sources say that there is a huge demand for such robots in mullah dominated countries like Pakistan, where fatwas are issued at the drop of a Talibani leader in UAV bombing. “The robot needs to be programmed extensively and one needs to make sure that various parameters are correctly fed into its database. The accuracy of the fatwa will depend on the accuracy of the data fed into it. The robot looks exactly like a donkey riding, leaving eating, fatwa spitting stone age mullah and we have…

Pakistan will set up a memorial to honor terrorists like Dawood

Pakistan was always unabashedly unapologetic about its role in fomenting terror around the world. Today, the most terror friendly nation in the world went a step further and announced that it will be establishing a memorial to honor the memory of Pakistani and Pak-sponsored terrorists slain in barbaric terrorist acts around the world. The memorial along with a park will come up in a 1000 acre area on the outskirts of Islamabad and will also house a museum containing among other things personal belongings of terrorists and dossiers on Pakistani terrorists collated by governments around the world. 

“Tell me one thing, what is Pakistan known for today? Islam? Democracy? Cricket? And the answer is none of the above. We are known for only one thing, which is terrorism. If it hadn’t been for terrorists, we would have been as famous as Chad or Gunniea Bissau and so we have a lot to be thankful for, when it comes to these destructophiles.  In fact, in other countries, they count billionaires…

Images for the week gone by..from New York to California

Everyone is bored of this guy...

A birds eye view of New York

Hasta la vista, baby
Hillary and Karzai share a joke over Pakistan's commitment to the war on terror
The Indian team's performance in the T 20 world cup was all about fizz...without any substance

Signing off with the picture of the week...

Indian government downgrades security for BCCI cricket team

The home ministry has decided to downgrade the security provided to the Indian cricket team and its players. A decision to this effect was taken at a meeting held at the residence of union home minister P Chidambaram on Tuesday night. The new security guidance will be published to all police stations and security personal associated with the team over the next two days and the degraded security cover will be made available to the cricketers by this weekend. The decision has come in wake of a disastrous performance essayed by the Indian team in the Caribbean recently.

“Agreed that no one will target them either way I mean the way these guys play, they will not even find a place in the T 20 squad of Maldives. But even if someone does harm them, it’s not of much concern to us and we will infact welcome the development. For the current crop, money is the only thing that counts and for money they have done a Madhuri Gupta on our country. Shame on them and the BCCI selectors,” home ministe…

Indian Horse trading delegation to visit UK

After the UK elections threw a hung parliament, several parties there have requested the Indian government to help initiate the process of horse trading to ensure the formation of a ‘’stable’ government. Confidential documents accessed by India’s number one blog Humor Unplugged have revealed that the Indian government has already agreed to the request and a delegation will reach UK soon to take things forward.

The delegation, comprising several MPs and some MLAs from various states will fly an Air India flight to UK soon. Union uncivil aviation minister Praful Patel has already agreed in principle to divert a scheduled Air India flight to UK to help the cause. The chosen MPs and MLAs who are known horse traders and have sold themselves for a hefty premium during government forming negotiations on many occasions will share their horse trading knowledge to their UK counterparts.

Head of the delegation Chavvani Lal says “This is a great move and we need to ensure that all our horse trad…

BCCI all set to punish the Indian cricket team

The Indian cricket team will be ‘grounded’ for a while after it wraps up its disastrous T-20 World cup campaign in the Caribbean. According to sources in the BCCI, the team will be subject to a series of harsh measures till such a time that the players live up to their potential and start performing, when it matters most.

The following are some of the new rules that will be implemented once the disastrous T 20 world cup campaign is officially over:

• Those players who have been run out in at least one match will be air dropped in Maoist dominated areas with pamphlets praising the Indian government
• All established batsmen with a strike rate of less than 105 will be forced to take Mayawathi on a dinner date
• All established bowlers who have taken less than 8 wickets will be forced to listen to Mamta Banerjee’s 2010 railway budget speech 8 times a day
• Fielders who have dropped catches will have Jayalalitha dropped on them from the third floor of a building
• Players who have parti…

USA and Pakistan joint terror claim form

Humor Unplugged has accessed a form prepared jointly by USA and Pakistan to help terror groups register a valid claim over a terror attack. This form, according to sources, will help USA determine the identity of group behind a terror attack on US soil, its links with Pakistan and more importantly how to defend Pakistan's role in the attack. The form will be supplied to all terror groups in Pakistan by the ISI and Pakistani army.

It is no secret that USA is keen to deflect attention from Pakistan after the latter's role in the most recent episode of terror came to light. Our investigations reveal that the Obama administration is more than keen to hide Pakistan's dirty linen behind a carpet of bogus investigation. Whats even more shocking? US' military aid to Pakistan is all set to double.

Exclusive: Mail from Pakistani President to Obama


Images for the week gone by...shun violence..

Violence is not always the answer

Disslove????? :D

Eyjafjallajokull?? Never name a volcano when your mouth is full....
Marine wing  of Jaish  practicing infiltration through the sea route

A walk in the park...just what the doctor ordered..

Pakistan introduces new courses for terrorists

The ISI Institute of Terrorism (IIT) is easily the most prestigious terror training institute in the world. The ISI backed Islamabad-based institute with branches in Lahore (land), Waziristan (air) and Karachi (marine wing) trains over 200 hardcore terrorists every year and its passouts can be found hard at work blowing themselves up, driving explosive laden trucks and highjacking flights from USA to UAE. 

Recently, IIT launched new courses to suit the changing needs of organizations like Al Qaeeda and Lashkar-e-Toeiba, who are prime recruiters from the institute. The new courses, recognized by the Pakistani government and its armed forces, will serve to bridge the yawning gap between traditional terrorism involving suicide attacks and neo terrorism involving innovative terror tactics such as shoe bombing and shampoo bombing. Humor Unplugged has managed to obtain a copy of the new prospectus issued by IIT for the aca-doom-ic year 2010-11. Here is a list of the new courses, as mention…

Mousehunt on to nab culprit(s) behind the Nitish Kumar bite episode

Bihar police have launched a massive mousehunt to trace the vagabond mouse that bit the state CM Nitish Kumar on Sunday. Crack teams from the state CID and intelligence wings have fanned out across Bihar and the state has sealed its borders to prevent the culprit from escaping into neighboring states.

“Yes, we have send teams to apprehend the notorious criminal behind this heinous act. This mouse has attacked one of the highest office bearers in the state and has therefore challenged the very foundation of democracy in Bihar and we will not leave him\her. We have already rounded up a few suspects and are chasing a couple of leads. Don’t be surprised if we apprehend the perpetrator soon,” ACP Chubby Lal told Humor Unplugged over a gtalk chat.

The Intelligence Bureau has meanwhile claimed that it had issued a specific warning to the Bihar government on a possible bite attempt on the state CM. The state government, according to sources, was warned that a group of mice affiliated to Al …

Mayawati wins ‘Baingan’ award

The one and only UP CM Mayawati has added another feather to her bald cap. She has won the prestigious Baingan award for lackluster governance and uninspiring leadership at the recently concluded Misgovernance awards. According to a press release issued by the Baingan magazine, the sponsors of the award, Mayawati’s team scored a massive lead over competition in these areas and therefore bagged the award, effortlessly.

“We have conducted due diligence on the status of governance and visionary leadership across India. We have come to the conclusion that UP government represents a mix of poor leadership, ineffective governance and myopic policies that will place the state firmly on the path to stone age. Mayawati is fit to rule a banana republic like Pakistan and is not able enough to even run a lemonade stand, let alone run a state,” Chavvani Lal, jury head for the award said in an exclusive interview with Humor Unplugged.  

By the time the press release on her award hit the wires, 3 …

Airtel India customers will finance Zain Africa acquisition

India’s leading telecom operator Airtel has decided to pass on the costs of its recent acquisition of Zain’s Africa assets to its customers. In an exclusive conversation with India’s number blog Humor Unplugged, a company mole revealed that a plan has been formulated by Airtel to pass on the US 10 Bn bill to its 100 crore customers in India.

As part of the plan, Airtel will start charging customers for making calls to its customer care operators across the country.  The calls will be charged at 50 p for every three minutes and will be increased after the customers make more than a single call to customer care a week. Further, Airtel will also charge customers 45 paise for every ring on an unanswered call. And that’s not all. Airtel will also be levying customers a fee for registering on the national do not disturb registry.

Confirming the development, Bharti chief Sunil Mittal said “we are gonna be more stingy in the future, we will be squeezing the customers for all they are worth t…

Arundathi Roy to replace Madhuri Gupta in Indian embassy in Islamabad

Mandarins from the external affairs ministry who have displayed a remarkable sense of understanding of our intelligence sensitivities in the most spooked embassy in the world have now gone a step further.  The ministry has decided to depute anti-national amoeba Arundathi Roy to the Indian embassy in Islamabad as a replacement to Mata Hari Madhuri Gupta.

The deployment is seen as an invitation to similar IQ challenged sleuths in Pakistan’s intelligence apparatus to continue their espionage activities targeted at the Indian embassy in Islamabad. “It was in 2007 that we had realized that Pakistan had not managed to gain access to confidential information residing in our embassy there. That was when we decided to send a vulnerable figure there. It had to be a person who could easily compromise national secrets and handover confidential information easily. Madhuri Gupta did all that and more. Now Arundathi Roy will continue in her illustrious footsteps,” says a senior external affairs bab…

Images for the week gone by...madhuri gupta's profile pic

Now thats a place where you wanna cycle..
Whats this itch all about?? Madhuri Gupta
The Manmohan Singh government..
April brought in the new year in many parts of the world
Message for the week