Showing posts from March, 2010

Sania using Predator drone to spy on Shoaib Malik

India is fast turning into the biggest market for the very same drones that have helped US notch impressive hits in its war on terror in Afghanistan and Pakistan, according to informed sources.US drone maker General Atomics Aeronautical Systems has registered a 300 percent increase in queries from India over the last 7 months and is planning to open a office in the country shortly to cater to the soaring demand.

Ironically, the nation's armed forces are not at the forefront of this surge. Instead, it is the civilian sector that is asking for drones by the dozen and General Atomics is currently focusing on identifying genuine buyers, while rejecting fake requests. The national education ministry has asked General Atomics to supply 30 drones that will be deployed to scan board exam centers across the country. Ministry sources have told Humor Unplugged that MQ-1 Predator drones will monitor various exam centers and report instances of mass copying and or any other illegal activity.

Pak asks Russia to hand over dossiers on Moscow blast accused

After it was proven beyond doubt that the recent spate of bombings to hit Russia were linked with his country,  Pakistan’s loud mouth foreign minister Qureshi has asked Russia to start providing dossiers on the accused at the earliest.  Pakistan has claimed that it wont be able to do anything till the dossiers start flowing from Moscow to Islamabad.

“As part of the established process we follow here, I issued a denial of Pakistan’s role in the event even before fingers were pointed at us. But, as soon as it was established beyond doubt that Pakistanis were indeed behind the attack, we swung into action. I wrote to my Russian counterpart and asked him to send us dossiers on the accused. We will start ignoring all requests to prosecute the suspects or even deport them after that,” Qureshi told Humor Unplugged over a Skype chat.

Condemning the attack, Qureshi said “this is the most barbaric and inhuman attack I have ever seen. We are indeed appalled by the magnitude of the attack and of…

Images from the week gone by: Focus on Earthhour

Pakistan's "indigenously" developed missile 

Pakistani Foreign Minister Shah Mehmood Qureshi's bedroom 

"This one is for Carla's new boyfriend...just wait till I meet him": Sarko Mumbai's Trident hotel (R) and Air India office (L) before and during (bottom) during Earth Hour
  India Gate before (top) and at the start of Earth Hour at 8:30pm (below)

Pak gets coals from US, comes back giggling

Just have a look at this video and decide for yourself. Pakistan returned empty handed from US and acted as though they had got everything they wanted (reminds me of the time when Indian Army thrashed Pak army across the LoC in 1999 while Pakistan to this day believes that Kargil was a “victory”). In this hilarious video, Pakistani Foreign Minister Shah Mehmood Qureshi transforms into a monkey, making  a mockery of himself and his country in the process. Just watch the video and enjoy…

Pak’s Meaow will cost US $6 bn

After milking the US for its bogus war on terror, Pakistan has now come up with a new ponzy scheme to keep the moolah flowing. At a secret meeting in Karachi on Friday, the top brass of Pakistani army, the government, the ISI and representatives from the Pakistani Terrorists Association (PATA) agreed to start the next phase of activities to get more funds from the US.

Your only source for reliable inside information, Humor Unplugged, has learned that Pakistan will be launching a project called Militia Engagement Against Organized Warfare (MEAOW) to take on ‘militants’ who are well entrenched in the interior areas of FATA province. These militants will be none other than retired Pakistani armymen in disguise. The modus operandi is simple – firstly, Pakistani army men in guise of militants will hide in various corners of FATA. Then, Pak will pretend to mobilize rehabilitated militants to take on these “militants” and after a staged conflict, which will be as bogus as Pak’s commitment to…

Give us the nukes directly: Al Qaeeda

World’s number one terror group Al Qaeeda has urged the US government to sign a nuclear deal with it, instead of signing one with the Pakistan government. The request was made by Al Qaeeda’s permanent represent in Pakistan, Mullah Gomar on Sunday at a well attended press conference organized by the media cell of the Pakistan army.

Al Qaeeda has alleged that by giving the nukes to Pakistani government, there will be substantial delay in converting them into Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMDs).  “The Pakistani government cannot even assemble a cracker properly, let alone process spent fuel and convert them into WMDs. Also, by the time Pakistan hands over the weapons, they would already have degraded, thereby affecting its nuisance value,” Gomar said. 

Urging Noble Peace prize winner Obama to release the nukes to Al Qaeeda asap, Gomar said “What’s the point in signing an agreement with Pakistan if the nukes will anyway reach us? Pak government will anyway give us these weapons and so the…

Images for the week gone by - David Headley and more

George Washington would have shed a tear if he were around today. USA has moved quite a distance from the truth in the last few decades. The latest chapter in the saga was added only recently when Nobel Laureate Obama's administration started shielding a terrorist who did a 9-11 in India..

Mayawati's arrival at a rally was registered by ground sensors placed by the Geological  Survey of India. The Richter scale showed a mild quake of 2.0 intensity...

Give my jocks jock thief

Members of the work from restroom association staging  a protest in UK. These folks believe that since people are most creative in RR, companies should allow people to work from there...

Hey...who changed the channel up there...

Watch out i come..

Did you see me mommy??

SkypeBite: Karachi project revealed

This week Humor Unplugged had a not so lengthy conversation with Syed Salahuddin, the Chief Terror Officer of the Karachi Project, a joint venture between Pakistani government, the ISI and the Lashkar-e-Toiba. In this Skype chat, SS speaks about the project, its aims and the people who call the shots.

RS: tell us something about the Karachi project.
SS: The project was conceived almost 6 years back. We had met a delegation of Chinese businessmen who had just returned from Nigeria. They told us how the Chinese used to sell inferior medicines with a ‘Made in India” tag to reduce the sales of Indian medicines there.  It had worked quite well till the government there got suspicious and kicked the Chinese out of Nigeria.

We thought that we could adapt the same model for terrorism in the sub continent. We could use a few militants who will infiltrate India, train a few locals and strike against Indian targets under an Indian name. The idea was to ensure complete deniability and to project …

Mayawati now wants an IPL team

PM hopeful and all round fashion i-con Mayawati has done it again.This time she wants to become the first female politician in India to own a Indian Premier League team.  Sources close to the lavishly rich UP CM have told Humor Unplugged that Mayawati is planning to invest some of her ill-gotten wealth in one of the franchises that are currently on the block or the ones that will be created in the future.

Mayawati’s private wealth manager Chavvani Lal, when contacted confirmed the development. “Yes, Behensji oops, I mean Behenji is very interested in owning an IPL team. She sees herself in the same league as Shilpa (Shetty) and Priety (Zinta). Behenji has seen these girls jumping like frogs inside the stadium quite often in the company of some unknown men and she wants to do the same. I have infact asked our district incharge folks to start collecting more monetary garlands to help our great leader attain this goal,” Chavvani told Humor Unplugged.

According to sources, the national m…

Ultimate honor for Mayawathi, India will name a cyclone after her

In a move designed to recognize Uttar Pradesh CM Mayawathi’s penchant for wasting public money, the Indian government has decided to name the next major cyclone in the South Asian region after her. The decision was taken at a meeting called by union finance minister Pranab Mukherjee at his office on Monday evening.  The hurriedly arranged meeting was also attended by Union Science and Technology minister Prithviraj Chavan and officials from the Prime Minister’s Office.

The Indian PM, according to sources, was quite upset with the CM of Uttar Pradesh for “indulging in wanton display of extravagance” at her party’s rally in Lucknow.  After a closed door meeting with the finance minister, the PM asked Pranabda to suggest a suitable punishment for the “reckless” UP CM who has come to symbolize a serious rot in the system.

“There were a few options available, including naming an award after her to be given away to the state with the maximum fiscal deficit, using her picture on the warning …

Curbing unruly and unparliamentarily behavior

They are pests, uncultured dullards and freaks of the first order who bring ignominy to their cultured and suave counterparts in parliament.   Yes, we are talking about unruly MPs who are always looking for flimsy excuses to disrupt parliamentary proceedings. In this exclusive post, Humor Unplugged looks at ways to put an end to the unpardonable behavior of such MPs. Here are a few suggestions to the speakers of the two houses of parliament.

* Make all MPs wear wireless shock collars on their necks with the controls residing with the speaker. As and when a MP starts misbehaving, the chair can press a button to release almost 150 v of power. The MPs shouldn’t be able to remove the collar as long as they are inside the parliament.
* Deploy sharp shooters armed with tranquilizer darts at strategic points in both the houses. Give them power to take down unruly members before they can cause further mischief
* Hire a strong nanny to keep a watch on unruly members. The nanny should have the…

Lalit Modi may takeover BCCI by 2015

A confidential internal report prepared by BCCI has warned that IPL commissioner Lalit Modi was scheming to use his monetary muscle to takeover BCCI to emerge as the unchallenged ruler of the Indian cricketing landscape. According to sources, the coup could happen as soon as 2015 and the mere thought of a Modi controlling cricket in India has set the alarm bells ringing in BCCI. Humor Unplugged has learned that the report, prepared by a high level committee, will be the topic of discussion at an emergency meeting convened at Sharad Pawar’s residence on Saturday.

The report warns that Modi had prepared a blue print to convert the BCCI into his personal fiefdom by 2015. Chapter 5 of the report mentions that he has already contacted similar money minded businessmen, politicians, players, actors, maoists and the sub underworld for this purpose. 

On Friday evening, as soon as the findings of the report were placed before Pawar, a distraught BCCI chief rushed to meet home minister P Chidam…

Pic of the week...

Sarko to Obama "Is your wife away on a vacation with someone too?"

Vice President spotted on national television

Indian Vice President Hamid Ansari made a rare appearance on national television today, bringing much cheer to VP watchers across the nation. His appearance was registered by sensors placed by the Vice President Monitoring Association of India (VPMAI) on television screens across the nation. The sighting was later confirmed by the National Celebrity Sighting Agency (NACSA). 

“This is indeed a rare moment in the wildlife history of our country. We have sighted a rare member of the species biologically called as Vicepresidentis Indica. The sighting was made at 11.00 hrs today and we have had a positive ID on the organism. The appearance was for a brief period during the debate on the Women's reservation bill in Rajya Sabha, before it was attacked by members of another species. The animal withdrew into a shell immediately and disappeared. All efforts to trace the animal after that came to a naught and we returned from parliament with long faces,” VPMAI principal investigator   Dr. H…

I am allergic to scripts: Mahesh Bhatt

Former director and the voice (or should we say noise) of bollywood, Mahesh Bhat has had one tumultuous year in 2009. How has the man changed over the year and how did he manage to hold his head high amidst the calamity? Rajcreep find out for Humor Unplugged.

RS: What was your first reaction when you were told that your son has been linked to Jihadi Headley?
MB: When I first saw the article, I thought that this was a fit piece for a movie. I immediately called up Emran (Hasmi) and Pooja (Bhatt). We had unanimously decided to turn this into a movie thinking it was some other Rahul and some other Mahesh. But when we started shooting, a spotboy pointed out that the people in question were none other than me and my son. I was shocked and disappointed beyond belief…

RS: So the Jehadi link did get you down…
MB: No, not that silly, the fact that we had lost a movie plot – that’s what bothered me. It will now be months before we get another one..this is a major loss…yeah the jehadi link was als…

Images from the week gone by...timepass

Am on about you??

Pakistani Airforce pilots on a routine sortie 

A posh 5 star hotel in Islamabad

The  Talibani version of Woodstock

A consignment of pokimon langots on a wide bodied funny looking aircraft on its way to Rawalpindi. The langots are part of the US war on terror and will be distributed among the "good taliban"

A Talibani goodwill ambassador gets ready to welcome US troops

The official car of Pakistan's loud mouth interior minister Rehman Malik

Arundathi Roy praises Al Qaeeda, India keeps Qatar on standby

After earning the wrath of a billion Indians for praising Chinese-backed and brainwashed Maoists in India, ‘writer’ Arundathi Roy has shocked the nation again by praising the scourge of the free world Al Qaeeda. The praise came late on Friday night after a news channel managed to cause utter discomfort to her by asking some straightforward questions on her support for the Maoists.

Al Qaeeda, are a group of warriors who are fighting for justice in an unjust world. They have valid grievances such as lack of sun bathing facilities in Antarctica and low penetration of broadband in Greenland. Further, they are also against celebrities who tweet every breath they take and Google for playing around with the privacy of millions of net users,” the Maoist sympathizer told humor unplugged. When reminded that Al Qaeeda may not be the group she was referring to, Arundathi went as ballistic as a GSLV MK III rocket and claimed that our blog was funded by nefarious multinationals who wanted to steal…

Mumblers to lead Indian delegation to Pakistan: composite dialogue on the anvil

India has decided to send a delegation led by mumbling stalwarts Yash Chopra and Jaswant Singh for talks with Pakistan. The decision was taken at a high level meeting chaired by external affairs minister S M Krishna on Thursday. Sources in the ministry have told Humor Unplugged that the two will be leading a delegation to Islamabad soon to discuss the ‘other issues’ raised by Islamabad. 

“Pak has been ranting about the need for composite talks. So while channel 1 comprising of foreign secretaries of two countries will be talking terror, Jaswant and Yash Chopra will initiate composite dialogue with Pakistan,” our mole in the external affairs ministry told us over a off the record chat.

The two luminaries of the film world and mole politics, Yash and Jaswant have been known to keep the audience confused for hours with their mumbling. Their utterances are not just hard to decipher but the stony expression on their faces negates any attempt to figure out whats on their mind.  

“After o…