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Showing posts from March, 2009

Borat joins Obama administration

Obama administration has strengthened its AFPAK team by adding a new nominee in addition to its special representative Richard Holbrooke. An announcement to this effect was made by SoS Hillary Clinton in Washington on Sunday morning.

Borat Sagdiyev, the famous clown who claims to be from Kazakhstan, has been asked to join Holbrooke’s office in a ‘special’ capacity. “No one understands the region like Borat. He is a regional expert and the Pakistanis are quite comfortable with him,” Hillary told Washington Online in an interview. “Our policy is to make a good joke out of peace and stability in the sub continent and promote attacks on other countries; we also want Pakistan to continue training and exporting terrorists the way they have always done and this is a step in that direction,” she added. Borat has meanwhile thanked US for the post and said that he will join the office on April 1. “We is attacking the rear of those lizard chewing sons of sand that will be mixed with the foul soil…

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How does this CD help?
This CD contains sessions conducted by veteran provocateurs like Raj Thackerey, Syed Ahmed Bukhari, Vaiko and Mamta Ban-her-jee among others. These “controversial leaders” who have mastered the art of making provocative speeches, will share their expertise with budding politicians to h…

Another Taliban Ad...

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A nano government

Our new government should be like the Nano…why? Why not?

It should be like the Nano…
Compact – Less number of ministers
Efficient – More work, less wastage of resources
Driven – By a vision, just like Ratan Tata was when he embarked on this project
Compete – With opposition to take the nation forward
Affordable - Shouldn’t come with a high price tag for the nation and its citizens
Epitomize – A billion dreams, if not more
Showcase – Our capabilities and skills to the world
Undefeatable – In spirit and action for the right cause
Inspirational – If we can dream it we can do it

And why the government should not be like the Nano?
Controversial – should stay away from all forms of controversies
Hyped – Hype is ok, if the govt can live up to it
Cheap – Shoudnt be cheap in terms of ideals, expenditure on social security, health care, education and defense

How bad is the ongoing recession?

You keep hearing about it day in and day out. So how bad is this edition of recession? Here are some signs…find out for yourself.

* Sultan of Brunei has started giving pink slips to his wives
* Warren Buffet has just put himself up for adoption
* Anil Ambani was spotted in a Kingfisher Red flight
* Queen Elizabeth’s wardrobe now fits in one room
* Indian politicians were seen caught doling out IOUs to voters
* China has stopped using electricity to torture prisoners
* American Airlines is planning to allow standing passengers ala busses on peak routes
* Terrorists are issuing threats written in ink on paper instead of emails
* Al Qaeeda has issued pink slips to over 900 terrorists in Pakistan
* World Bank is considering a plan to send recovery agents to recover debt owed by Pakistani government
* IPL is considering a plan to hire ex-Indian Airlines airhostesses as cheer leaders

“We will have a Crime Minister this time.”

Chavvani Lal heads the newly launched Criminal Party of India. In this exclusive conversation with our very own Rajcreep, Chavanni explains the nuances of being a criminal and a politician in equal measure.

RS: First of all why did you launch a separate party?

CL: Oh, don’t ask Raj. Many of these parties had made it tough for us criminals to enter the electoral fray.

RS: That’s good, I am proud of them.

CL: Hold your horses boy. I mean to say some of the bigger parties wanted us to execute bigger crimes before we were given a ticket. Gone are the days when you could just loot a bank, murder someone or be a dacoit to enter parliament. Today, the minimum threshold for entry is 25 plus murders, 400 plus charge sheets, a corporate fraud involving atleast 5000 crores or a combination thereof. My party wanted to give a ticket to Scamlinkaraju instead of me. That really got me wild.

RS: But parties like BSP and SP have kept a quota of 75 percent for jerks like you.

CL: That’s true but even those …

Taliban ad

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Third front and bond girl...

For their first big consensus building exercise, the third front has decided to convene a special session early next week to agree on a candidate for Bond girl. In a meeting held at Devil Gowda’s residence, the busy leaders of third front discussed suitable candidates including Jenifer Aniston, Halle Berry and Gemma Atkinson.

“The leaders believed that if they could agree on this topic, then choosing a PM candidate would be a cake walk. Further most of the leaders have nothing to do and would otherwise have watched reruns of MTV roadies or American Idol. This will keep them occupied for a while,” a third front leader told this blogger. The reliving factor is the fact that this exercise will not influence the actual process of selecting the Bond girl in any way.

At the meet, Devil Gowda sprang a surprise by suggesting the name of Mayawati for the stellar role, as a bait to bag her to support for the third front. Devil was immediately thrashed with a slipper by Prakash Carrot and asked …

Recession proof babies on the way

A team of scientists have concluded that the babies born in 2009 will be special ones genetically endowed with special powers to endure future recessions. The team led by Genetic specialist Dr Hammerschmidst has published its findings after extensive tests conducted over the last 7 months in the National Biology magazine’s special recession edition.

Hammerschmidst’s team has concluded that parental stress during the ongoing recession has made a significant impact on genes and the effects will be there for everyone to see soon. According to the findings of the team, babies born in 2009 will be able to cope up with any future economic slump in a much better way.

The renowned genetist says that the “recession kids” will be able to hold on to their jobs for a longer period of time. They will be also be able to slip into recession mode with ease; shunning credit cards, meals at expensive restaurants, costly gifts etc., thanks to a mutation in a gene connected with expenditure and income ma…

We will have more PMs than MPs

The third front or the tired front as it is better known as is a set of parties that have come together with a narrow minded agenda of grabbing power by hook or crook and getting their candidates to occupy the PMs chair. We spoke to third front’s chief c(r)ook Devil Gowda on why such a useless combination of clowns has been imposed on the nation.


AG: Whats wrong with you all? Cobbling up a coalition of unwanted parties at such a crucial time.
DG: We wanted to infuse some humor into the campaign. You see both the mainstream combinations UPA and NDA were becoming very serious as the poll dates came near. We wanted to bring in some bit of comic relief with third front.

AG: How do you plan to do that?
DG: We have brought the biggest set of clowns on the Indian political landscape under one roof. Where else can you see jokers like Prakash Karat, Mayawathi, Jayalalitha and the likes together? We want to entertain Indians with our speeches, acts and gameplan. As the days pass we will be making…

Dalai Lama is the brand ambassador for Royal Challengers

Bangalore Royal Challengers have a new mascot and a spiritual one at that. Peace monk Dalai Lama has been anointed as the new brand ambassador of the team from the nation’s IT capital.

“We believe in non violence and we don’t believe in defeating any team, which is why we sent a test team to the league last year. This year we have changed the team composition but the core message remains the same – we will not defeat any team,” RCB chief Mallya told reporters in Bangalore on Friday.

Meanwhile in Dharamshala, his holiness Dalai Lama cheerfully accepted his new role. “My ideology is quite similar to RCB and I am glad to accept this post,” he said. Meanwhile RCBs former brand ambassador is still looking for a team to represent. She was last heard asking her boyfriend Salman to buy a team in IPL.

Govt to regulate future slumdogs

In a move designed to regulate negative projection of the nation in matinee, government of India has announced a policy covering movies that show the other side of life in the country. The comprehensive policy is aimed at movie houses who prepare movies like Slumdog millionaire that have had a dream run at the BO and Oscars.

Highlights of the new policy:

• Rights will be given to make only one movie ala SD every 5 years per director\production house or a combination thereof
• Every director\production house who\that gets such rights will have to invest 60 percent of the global BO collections in India
• Every director\production house who\that gets such rights will have to compulsorily make a movie that shows the glamorous side of the nation to offset all forms of negative publicity generated by SD type movies
• No movies that hold politicians responsible for various ills in the country will be allowed
• Movies on terrorism must compulsorily depict Indian government as a proactive savior of …

Mullah Omar at the India today conclave

Taliban leader and all round joker Mullah Omar will be addressing the ongoing India Today Clown-clave. This was disclosed by a Live-in Media spokesperson in New Delhi on Friday.

The sham conclave organized by clowns at Live-in Media has already seen the participation of the biggest sub continental joker Pervez Musharraf. “I was shocked when I saw the invite. I mean why would anyone invite me? I don’t know what’s going neither inside Pakistan nor outside. Its another matter that I can speak at length about how we have organized militancy in Kashmir and Afghanistan, trained Taliban or how I authored Kargil war. Other than this I have absolutely no idea about anything; my pokimon langots included,” Parvez said.

The Clown-clave has already attracted much criticism for inviting Musharraf. Mullah Omar will be speaking on Peace and religion. Other speakers and their respective topics include:

Ramlingaraju – Sanitizing corporate governance – the way forward
Pappu Yadav – Criminalization of pol…