LSG's Sanjiv Goenka joins BJP

Lucknow Super Giants faced a crushing defeat against Sunrisers Hyderabad on Wednesday at the Uppal stadium. But that was not the headline. The headline instead was about LSG owner and RP-Sanjiv Goenka Group Chairclown Sanjiv Goenka who was seen scolding captain KL Rahul. The incident in question took place just after the post-match presentation and Rahul just kept listening as Goenka threw a diaper tantrum in front of everyone.

The next day

As a new day dawned, social media denizens took the battle to an arena that Sanjiv Goenka knows nothing about or knows as much as he knows about maturity, leadership and respect. Mountains of social media trolls with more followers than the Flat Earth Society mercilessly trolled the senile delinquent and roasted him using some of the choicest abuses. Some called him a Galgotias University passout while another alleged that Goenka had as much knowledge as a "1MG prescription writing doctor". 

What happened to Goenka after that?

By afternoon, Sanjiv Goenka had escaped to Germany and was in fact planning to wait there till things cooled down a bit. Goenka reached Munich at 12:30 PM IST while he was waiting to collect his ego which was checked in separately, he got a call from the headquaters of the BJP. Within two hours of this call, Sanjiv Goenka was on his way back to India. 

Sanjiv landed late evening and was driven to the BJP quarters by a team of CBI and ED officials. On arrival, he was welcomed to the HQ by some BJP workers. Within minutes, Sanjiv Goenka announced that he was joining the party with the blessings of PM Modi. 

Congress is the culprit

"I was not angry with K L Rahul. Instead, I was expressing my frustration at how the Congress and its minions were planning to snatch my wife's Mangalsutra and parcel it to Pakistan to repay their national debt. It is one thing that India was born in 2014 and another to have parties like the Congress that wish to handover our permanent station in Antarctica to China. I have also read that Congress is also planning to handover the area currently housing the Pakistani High Commission to Pakistan by declaring it as their sovereign territory," Goenka said while clarifying what happened on Wednesday evening. 

"Rahul was agonized by what he heard and he wanted to rush back to his hotel and place his wife's mangalsutra in a bank locker," Goenka added. 

While addressing a small gathering that had gotten together to fix a couple of leaky pipes at the BJP HQ, Goenka said "Modi ji is the only hope. He is the one that gave us multiple IITs and IIMs while Congress could only give us that beacon of ignorance Galgotias University. Modi ji is working to give us all amrit kaal while opposition can only give takla baal".

When someone him to identify the source of these wild statements, Goenka said he received such information as part of his morning intelligence digest delivered through his family WhatsApp group. 

"I am very angry with the Congress. They think they can get away with anything. Imagine during independence, we were offered Singapore, Hawaii and British Virgin Islands by the UK and Nehru declined to take these territories as he wanted the UK to instead hand them over to a child of his from his marriage to Audrey Hepburn. Just imagine if we had those territories with us now," Goenka shouted. 

Sensing trouble with the restless audience, a group of CBI and Election Commission officials lifted Goenka and drove him away to a farmhouse in the outskirts of Delhi. Goenka will be coached by the CBI on how to win elections and the Election Commission will soon launch an election campaign for him as soon as a Lok Sabha seat is allocated to him. 

BJP welcomes Sanjiv Goenka