BJP's poll promise package unveiled

India's favorite satire blog Humor Unplugged has gained access to a series of papers outlining delivery targets the BJP government at the Center will chase if it returns to power.

All targets studied by Humor Unplugged were however linked to the number of seats the Modi government will get during the 2024 polls. Here is the exclusive break-up of the targets:

Number of seats: 500 plus

Targets: merger of Indonesia with India along with Vietnam and Cambodia. PM will hold a virtual press conference. Nehru will only be blamed for post-1960 blunders. Freezing of bank accounts belonging to opposition parties to be limited to 10 accounts with over 10,000 INR. 2 mainstream media entities to be allowed to broadcast genuine news including stories that show government in poor light. No new taxes. New parliament building named Shri Narendra Modi 500 Sansad to come up in addition to the new one.

Number of seats: 400 plus

Targets: PoK and Tibet to be merged with India. Another safari shoot with Bear Grylls. Nehru will be blamed for everything. Raids by ED and CBI will be restricted to 10 opposition leaders per day. New tax on tips given at restaurants, donations and haircuts.

Number of seats: 300 plus

Targets: merger of HPCL with BPCL. Nehru will be blamed for inflation. New inflation tax to be launched. All gas cylinders will carry the photo of Shri Modi ji. 

Number of seats: 200 plus

Targets: opposition parties will not be allowed to campaign in regional polls. Modi jis photo to be added to the logos of all news channels and the masthead of all newspapers. Nehru to be blamed for all.major extinction events since pre-cambrian. PM Modi ji's statue with red led lights for eyes to come up in Galwan. 

Modi ji ready for 2024