Pakistan economic crisis fallout: terror groups start issuing VRS
Pakistan Army-owned terror outlets in the country have jointly announced a voluntary retirement scheme (VRS) covering terrorists on their rolls. This is the second such offer made by terror groups owned by Pakistan's nuclear weapon smuggling-to-newspaper delivery conglomerate the Pakistan Army. The VRS will be active immediately and cover Pakistan Army-backed terrorists fighting sanity across 27 countries.
It may be remembered that Pakistani terror groups had started recalling their on-site staff from many countries starting early October last year. According to a 'source', the withdrawal is now almost complete with many terror groups retaining skeletal staff just to maintain an operational presence in a few important countries. Over 7000 terrorists have returned home to cantonments across Pakistan in the process.
The first VRS offer made in January this year led to the over 300 exits from various terror groups including Lashkar-e-Toy-iba, Harkat Dull Mujaheeden, Jaish-e-Mushraf and more. The offer was made at the insistence of top Pakistani army officials who were finding it tough to support their overseas vacations. Some of them were finding it difficult to send their children to foreign universities to study and settle.
"This time we hope to get more terrorists to opt for VRS. Every single terrorist who opts for it will enable more Pakistan army officers to continue their lavish lifestyles and to send their children abroad. This is a highly pious mission. Who wants to live in a country with no leadership, future or even a detergent ration*(SIC)," said Brig. Mulla Pokuddeen, in charge of the strategic Bawalpur-based XXXI Corps which is responsible for providing logistics and other support for retreating troops. Pakistan is the only country in the world to have such a formation.
Alleged leader and head of Pakistan The-reeks-e-insecurity Imran Niazi Khan meanwhile condemned the move. "At a time when I am having to live off my ex-wife's mercy and donations, these guys (Pakistan army) are presenting all kinds of excuses to fund their foreign junkets and settlement drives. If this continues, I will have someone shoot my other leg and blame it on them. This cannot go on. We need an able leader to lead Pakistan and I am not even sure where we can get such a person. May be we should request ChatGPT to lead our glorious nation," Khan said before a few party members pulled him to a poem recitation competition where sycophants fell over each other trying to recite couplets praising Khan and his ego.
Pakistani finance minister has meanwhile gone into hiding since the crisis broke out. He was last seen moving around Lahore in an empty cardboard box
*The brigadier meant rai·son d'être.
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