Aryan invasion/migration theory changed again

The much-loathed Aryan Invasion/Migration theory has been changed once again by its backers. The reason cited for the change is the continuing lack of evidence for all versions of this theory till date. 

Alleged historian and the power behind converting Indian school history textbooks into documents as interesting as the annexure section of tender documents for procuring stationery for the State Bank of India, Romila Distaper made this announcement at a thinly attended press conference in the national capital on Saturday. 

"The Aryan Invasion Theory (AIT) subsequently changed to Aryan Migration Theory (AMT) is now changed to Aryan Expat Theory. The fair-skinned Central European Aryans were not invaders or migrants but were merely expats who came to India to work and in the process, they developed several local flings, Distaper said. 

The new theory states that the Aryans came on work visas and were here only to write the Vedas and make other significant contributions before heading back after the expiry of their work visas. They were given a massive farewell with a massive concert and other programs. There is no real evidence for any of these assertions.  

"In their spare time, these expats wrote the Vedas, recreated chariots, sold Asafoetida, introduced horses, bindi, agriculture, temples, astronomy, toys, and outdoor plumbing. They had a lot of spare time to put all these things together and without their contribution, we wouldn't have had all these things. We owe a lot to the transparent-skinned Aryans who were so fair that one could see blood flowing through their veins," she added. 

When asked to provide evidence, she said "the evidence is there in the genes. If you observe, there is no intermixing of the genes of the local population of the Indus-Saraswati civilization and Aryans as they simply had flings and did not you know go behind the bushes. The genetic signal is not there for this reason. Also, the lack of documentary evidence is because the Indus-Saraswati civilization folks usurped all credit for everything and sent the expat Aryans back to the steppes".

Fellow historian Errorfan Habeep said they have gathered enough evidence from many websites to back the Aryan Expat Theory.  "We have scanned over 34 websites and non-peer-reviewed journals from Europe to draw this conclusion. So now we can explain the lack of evidence for Aryan Invasion and Aryan Migration Theory," he said. 

"In light of these developments, history textbooks have to be rewritten. We will try to make it even more senile and disinteresting as possible this time. Last time our work was compared to SBI tender. This time we intend to make it as interesting as a BSNL SIM card sign-up terms and conditions document. We don't want anyone to understand history. If you understand history, then there is no fun in it and we intend to keep it that way," Distaper said. 

Toward the end of the presser, both were seen taking their medication and they left the premises in an ambulance.     

 

Route of entry of the fair skinned Aryans into India
as per the migration theory 

The arrows indicate the path of return (to the Central European Homeland)
for the still fair skinned Aryans as per the new Aryan Expat Theory.
The area in brown was avoided as 
there was a chariot traffic jam there. 

Romila Distaper