Cost of buying media and legislators factored in petrol price hike: government

After hiking the petrol prices for the fourth time this week, Modi government was in no mood to back down from further hikes.

Explaining the rationale behind the hike in prices, many party and Modi government spokespersons went on the offensive questioning the people questioning such hikes. A Modi government spokesperson who wanted to go off the record mentioned that the Vishwaguru is doing all this for the country and its people and those who have problems can “head over to Ukraine”. “Pakistan has become too dangerous for anyone and everyone so we don’t recommend moving anyone there. Ukraine is a much safer option,” he said on condition of anonymity.

Humor Unplugged was however able to touch base with a semi-fossilized bureaucrat in the government who was willing to come on record to defend the on-the-hour petrol price hikes. This bureaucrat who refuses to travel in a convoy of less than 17 vehicles explained the rationale behind the series of hikes.

“We have three more hikes coming up in the next 4 hours so be prepared. Do you think all that public relations effort we are putting in to improve the image of the government comes cheap? Media houses have become very expensive. The other day when we approached a well known ‘India needs to know’ anchor on our retainer, he said his prices have gone up by 40 percent,” said Fantanand Gupt,” senior bureaucrat in-charge of escalation of petroleum prices said.

“Also, in order to conduct smooth horse and goat trading, we need to throw money and do you think those Enforcement Directorate raids on opposition leaders during elections come cheap? Each raid costs upwards of 300,000 INR and money doesn’t grow on trees. It has to be squeezed out of taxpayers and those who can afford fuel. Petroleum products were always status symbols so we are only helping you showcase your wealth. Now go away..shooo,” Gupt added.  

 

A citizen reacts after the latest hike in petrol prices.