Arnab Goswami receives the first consignment of drugs, thanks supporters

After his drug do, drug do, drug do, mujhe drug do, mere liye gaanja laao, charas laao, ecstasy laao rant went viral, a leading underworld figure stepped in and sent Arnab all the drugs he had asked for in that late evening rant.

“Since the last few weeks, Arnab has been showing withdrawal symptoms. He was only asking 13 questions to everyone he met during his morning jog instead of the usual 57. We were worried about him. I was told he had run out of some designer drug that he used to take. Today morning when I met him., he was in his elements. He greeted me by calling me an urban Naxal, asking me to prove my Indianness and claiming that I had lowered the dignity of the country by ordering vegetables online. That’s the Arnab I have always known. He seems to be fine now,” said a neighbor.

Sources as reliable as a position taken by Kangana Ranaut, have told Humor Unplugged that a vendor who supplies Goswami with custom ‘grass’, had gone out of service after the prolonged lockdown in Mumbai. He had found a replacement for this guy but the quality of grass was sub-standard and even caused Arnab to behave himself in a panel discussion. During a now-famous incident, he even allowed a panelist to speak his mind out without interruption. Arnab was missing his light green stimulant. Seems like he got so desperate that he had to resort to appealing his show to viewers to get access to drugs.     

Everything seems to have got back to normal by yesterday afternoon as a huge sack of 15 kgs of Iranian weed imported through special channels by Kangana Ranaut’s close friend a certain Singh was delivered in the morning. As Goswami rolled up the first joint and passed out, his wife Pipi Goswami took his belongings and threw them out along with him.    

“All's right with the world now,” said a milkman who has been with the household since Goswami’s Times Now days. “I was not exactly missing the old Arnab but seeing him I used to feel blessed. If a man who is so unwell at so many levels can make it in life, I can do much better. He is still an inspiration. Once when I was depressed, Arnab showed me the questions he was going to ask on his show and later he introduced me to his imaginary friend Nathu who writes these questions for him. I was tempted to call a psychiatric facility to house him but then, I felt if his viewers like his histrionics, why should I play spoilsport,” he added.  

                   Arnab Stonedswamy