Arnab Goswami caught intruding in neighbour’s house, gets pulped

Times Now’s editor in chief and the man with a rock of Gibralter sized curiosity Arnab Goswami was briefly detained by cops today morning for illegal trespassing and related charges. Arnab has denied all charges in a media statement released sometime back and claimed that he was framed by an ‘opponent’ who wanted to score some brownie points on women’s empowerment. This is how the events panned out.

At about 3 am in the morning, cops near Arnab’s residence in Gochi Layout got a call from a resident saying the Times Now Editor in Chief had been spotted moving around in a suspicious manner near her house. Acting on the call, hyperactive cops immediately rushed to the site only to find Arnab roaming around wearing a monkey cap and muffler with a torch pointed to a crack in the wall of the lady’s home.

When confronted Arnab initially denied he was the leading news anchor. “He initially claimed to be a card carrying member of the Aam Aadmi party who was scouting for a location for AAP’s next massive rally. When pressed further, he claimed he was a tea vendor who wanted to discuss a few things with the residents of Gochi layout. When we interrogated further, Arnab became very defensive and started talking about women’s empowerment and the need to revamp the system. He was mumbling to himself and looked positively stoned. We took him to the station and informed his wife Mrs Pipi Goswami who came with a gunny bag to carry him back,” a cop associated with the case said.

As and when she signed the papers, Pipi brought a huge rolling pin and thrashed Arnab Commie, BJP and Congress (figure that one out). Arnab’s pain soaked cries filled the air for several minutes till he passed out. Pipi then neatly stuffed him inside the gunny bag marked non-biodegradable waste and walked out of the station. Noone knows what happened after that.

The lady (neighbor) in question meanwhile claimed that Arnab Goswami was a consistent stalker. "On a previous occasion, when I caught him jumping our boundary wall, I spray painted the Times Now logo on his face using the pepper spray. This time he knew I was short on pepper spray so he jumped the wall and started asking me random questions. Infact he even asked me what my take was on the reducing current account deficit and its implications for inflation in the country. He really spooked me this time and I had to call the cops," she said.