CBI to probe all coal block allocations from 3000 BC onwards

Not content with expanding the coal block allocation probe to 1993, country’s premier investigation agency CBI today announced that it will probe all allocations made since civilisation began in the Indian subcontinent.

At a crowded press conference filled with snooty media people and a few bloggers, CBI spokesperson Chavvani Lal said the investigating authority had expanded probe’s scope following a direction from the Central Vigilance Commission (CVC). "We will file charges against everybody including kings, ministers and others. The nation has a right to know how clean its leaders were in the past and we are in no mood to spare anybody," Lal said.

When a few bloggers questioned the move and asked him why the under-staffed CBI was undertaking such a massive exercise in futility, Lal threatened to bring bloggers under the scope of the probe.

“The process of determining favours in coal block allocation or coal-gate as some proton-minded wags call it will ensure that our news channels have enough content to keep their prime time shows alive and buzzing for a few weeks. It is our duty and responsibility to keep such channels engaged in broadcasting decent content else you will have many news channels switch to showing alien abductions, items numbers, levitating buffalos or worse Coffee with Diggi,” Lal said. He also said the agency will approach its Pakistani and Bangladeshi counterparts for help in investigating illegal coal block allocations in ancient India.

Times Now editor-in-chief Arnab Goswami welcomed the move and said that he had already prepared a question bank of over 37000 questions that he wanted to ask. 'Old Monk' Rajdeep Sardesai meanwhile said that the CBI and CVC had done the nation a big favour by probing the scam to this extend.