Arnab tries to do a Manmohan in his home, gets mauled

Taking a leaf out of Indian PM Manmohan Singh’s book, Times Now Editor-in-Chief Arnab tried to push home the need to implement unpopular austerity measures in his home. But little did he know that he would soon run into ‘allies’ worse than Mamata.

As its Editor-in-chief, Arnab literally carries Times Now on his fidgety shoulders. He is a widely popular anchor; but his stellar role is limited to the confines of homes tuning in to watch his news shows on a regular basis. When it comes to his domestic turf, Arnab’s wife Pipi Goswami calls the shots. Together with son Papu Goswami, Pipi has formed a formidable all weather alliance to take on Arnab. Little wonder that the duo rule the Goswami family and Arnab’s repeated attempts to gain an upper hand in key domestic decisions are routinely shot down causing Arnab to vent his frustration at politicians and other reptilian entities that grace his show.

The speech that inspired Arnab

Arnab’s neighbour who didn’t want to be identified claims there is a policy paralysis going on in the Goswami household with Arnab being relegated to execution while decision making has turned into Pipi’s fiefdom. A classic example of this has been the much delayed expenses regulatory bill which sought to cut Pipi’s makeup budget to a third of its current level while reducing Papu’s snack expenses by 2/3rds. The last time Arnab tried to pass this bill in his home, he was found in a gunny bag marked ‘segregated solid waste’ outside fellow anchor Rajdeep Sardesai’s home.    

This time, a determined Arnab tried to ape PM Manmohan Singh’s style of explaining ones intention on TV. He taped himself in the Times Now studio explaining the need to cut domestic expenses and the consequences of not doing so. He took the DVD with him and promptly played it as and when he got a chance to do so in front of Pipi and Papu. He then quietly hid behind the sofa just in case Pipi decided to go for the gunny bag.

As soon as the DVD started playing, Pipi watched with rapt attention for a while. She was giggling when Arnab referred to 'reviving the animal spirits in our domestic economy'. But her giggle was shortlived for as soon as he spoke about slashing the budgets and mentioned the phrase “paisey ped pey nahi ugthey” (Money doesn’t grow on trees), Pipi got wild and sensing an imminent confrontation, Arnab tried to slither away but Pipi grabbed his ear firmly and pulled him back. The next few minutes saw the living room resonate with Arnab’s horrifying screams. “It was almost as if one was at a PoW camp where prisoners were being tortured for extracting information. At least answer my 36 questions before you hit me further was Arnab’s constant refrain,” Arnab’s neighbour said.    

Since it was a Sunday evening, Pipi decided against pulping Arnab further as she wanted to relax. Pulped Arnab just slithered to a corner and fainted. He was taken to a nearby hospital which has a dedicated facility for treating the Times Now Editor-in-chief.