Research confirms Simi is withering, turning yellow

Air pollution has taken a toll on our lungs and wildlife, but how about our monuments? India's famed white marble mummy, Simi Garewal, has begun turning yellow due to air pollution, according to a study.
The study conducted by a team of Mummyologists lead by Dr. Hammerschmidst has confirmed that the 300 year old mummy is showing signs of decay. “We have been examining her over the last 3 months and observed that she has been turning yellow gradually due to air pollution. This is due to the effect of toxic gasses like sulphur and nitrogen oxides Simi is exposed to. We have to do something soon, else the world’s only white mummy will soon turn yellow,” Hammerschmidst said.  

Simi wearing a special
outfit to prevent exposure
to toxic chemicals

Hammerschmidst also claimed that Simi’s interaction with a few ‘toxic celebrities’ have also affected her epidermal layer. “Some Bollywood celebrities have been known to use all kinds of chemicals on their skin and under it. I personally know a famous actor from a very reputed Bollywood family who has pumped 2 litres of collagen to keep her bum from sagging. Exposure to celebrities carrying toxic liquids can cause irreparable damage to monuments and I would urge the government to frame laws to control the use of such harmful chemicals” the doctor added.

Law minister Salman Khurshid, when contacted said that the government will do everything it can to control the use of chemicals that harm monuments. “We will even consider earmarking a separate quota for Simi in government jobs,” he said.  

Hammerschmidst meanwhile has designed a special suit for Simi to prevent her from getting exposed to toxic chemicals.