Work on artificial Indian government almost complete: CAIR

Tired of jokers running the nation? Can there be a better alternative to arrogant incompetent leadership? Bangalore-based Centre for Artificial Intelligence and Robotics (CAIR) has come up with a working solution to the problem.

Yesterday evening while the entire nation was watching the civil society rise in rebellion against an arrogant government, scientists at CAIR were busy giving final touches to their most enviable creation so far - an artificial intelligence- governance software. CAIR has developed software that can run on almost all operating systems out there and lead the nation efficiently minus corruption.

“Yes it’s true, we have developed software that can run the nation smoothly,” an information rich babucrat scientist said making a loud noise while sipping his tea. CAIR sources have told Humor Unplugged that the software was developed over the last decade by feeding almost all decisions taken by Indian government into a super computer which analysed them and gradually evolved a decision making pattern. The software has two basic rule modes to choose from - UPA and NDA.

Once loaded, the software splits itself into many modules based on the number of ministries and departments. The basic architecture corresponds to the PMO and all the other modules report into this architecture. The software hooks itself to the official laptops of government babus and starts giving them instructions and guidance and all files are cleared online. The softare sits as a layer above the bureaucracy of the nation and provides policy-related guidance and direction. So does this means we wont be electing jokers to the parliament in the future? It might be a bit too early to say.

The execution is swift and flawless and there is a feedback mechanism available for citizens who want to air their grievances directly to the PM. The best part is that the software matures with each passing year and thanks to its self-improvement mechanism, it grows wiser by analysing feedback received from citizens.

So what happens if we miss clowns like Kapil Sibal, Digvijay Singh, Navjoke Siddu etc and their shenanigans? The software does come with a feature that allows the nation to resurrect certain personalities having some entertainment value. For example, the software can hold live press conferences wherein a 3-D hologramic projection of any person can do all the talking. So a Kapil Sibal hologram might hold a press conference displaying his trade mark arrogance while the actual voice and text behind the minister is provided by the relevant module of the software.

Citizens across the nation have welcomed the new software and hailed CAIR efforts to automate governance. “For nearly 65 years we were on auto-pilot as far as governance is concerned. The government only stepped in when things were going smoothly to delay or stall progress. So if you ask me, I am for letting the software lead our country,” a student said.

China has meanwhile denied reports that it was trying to hack into the demo servers hosting the software.