Karunanidhi family to diversify into piracy; acquires Somali pirate group

After looting the nation of 1000s of crores, India’s most hated family – the Karunanidhis have decided to invest their ill-gotten wealth in Somali piracy in a big way. Humor Unplugged has learnt that Karunanidhi’s family firm Karunanidhi Sons has brought over a Mogadishu-based pirate group in an all cash deal on Monday.

“The entire nation knows that Karunanidhi’s family is filled with cheats and thugs but now, we will have pirates too.  Diversification is an important step for us since the domestic public fraud market at the national and state level was getting saturated and with a change of regime in Tamil Nadu, there was no way we could have committed more fraud there,” Karunanidhi Sons’ CIO and owner of 323 (now)dead landline phones in Chennal, Dayanidhi Maran said.

Sources say that the deal was inked at a cost of approximately 78 million dollars, routed through Karunanidhi’s account in Cayman Islands. It is said that the group owned by Karunanidhi has already hijacked two oil tankers which upped the valuation of the group. Among other services, the group also offers to negotiate on behalf of various pirate groups to secure a ransom and release, thereby making it what experts call a ‘mature’ pirate group.    

With Navies in the Indian Ocean Region (IOR) engaged with other tasks, Somalian pirates are having a field day highjacking and looting ships. Analysts have pegged the Somali piracy market at around US$300 million. Maran says that the group acquired by Karunanidhi Sons will soon be renamed as Kalaignar Super Pirates.

Dayanidhi Maran claims that the investment will keep Karunanidhi Sons afloat even after all its top management shifts permanently to Tihar Jail. “Somali pirates operate in a very independent manner and our interaction with them is minimal as far as operational guidance and business strategy is concerned.  We will only be attending the Annual General Meeting and sharing a few presentations with prospective investors. We are alive to the possibility of us being in Tihar for sometime and we didn’t want to invest our ill-gotten money in any business that needed our attention to a significant extend,” Maran said.  

According to reports, Karunanidhi’s family has made bulk purchases of mosquito repellent creams in anticipation of their stay in Tihar. “Yes, I have received a bulk order for shipping 500 tubes from a customer in Chennai. But he has asked me to deliver the tubes to an address in Delhi,” an agent claimed.

Maran launches a book on corruption 

Maran with 2 of the 323 phones at his residence