New salary structure of our beloved MPs

This week, the Indian parliament passed a bill hiking the pay of the underpaid members of both houses. Humor Unplugged has learnt that this hike will be distributed across a series of new heads which will be added to the existing ones. The heads, suggested by the Khuswant Singh committee, will appear in the salary slips of our honorable MPs beginning August, 2010.

Here are the new heads that have been added:

a) Drama allowance – we all hate mundane debates in parliament. More often than not, such debates only help the insomniac citizen out there. This allowance is to help members enact more drama in parliament by doing things like tearing papers, thrashing fellow members, displaying wades of currency notes or anything that will spice up parliamentary debates
b) Shoe avoidance allowance – for members to insure their dignity, since all members are vulnerable to shoe attacks
c) Media debate allowance – for honorable members to present themselves in dignified attires in case they are called for a debate on national television.  
d) Terror attack condolence allowance – now we all know that the cowardly Pakistani terrorists never attack our respected members of parliament. This allowance has been established to help them prepare convincing speeches (by hiring a good speech writer) if they have to speak in the aftermath of a terror attack.
e) Multiple partner allowance – This head has been recommended by Mr Tharoor. To help members marry as many times as they like without worrying about the extra expenditure.
f) Social media allowance – to encourage busy members to be active on social media.
g) Retired movie star allowance - for those members of parliament who were former movie stars. We have all seen how successful our movie stars have been inside the parliament. Some of whom have not uttered a word since they have entered parliament. This allowance is designed to make such clowns open their mouths and speak once a while on the floor of both houses
h) Sleeping allowance – mooted by none other than Karnataka’s own Rip Wan Winkle Devil Gowda, this head is designed to help members sleep better outside parliament so that they remain awake inside.
i) Entertainment allowance – for those members (Like Lallo) who have exceptional entertainment value. This head has been introduced to help members indulge in theatrics inside parliament to increase the TRPs of two of India’s least watched channels – Lok Sabha TV and Rajya Sabha TV.
j) Fake allowance – to allow MPs to hire proxy lookalikes who will attend parliament while the honourable MPs take a much deserved vacation in Hawaii