Octopus Paul will join Obama administration

After being branded traitor for predicting a Spanish victory, psychic food reader and all round astrologer Octopus Paul has decided to leave Germany and will be traveling to the United States, his new home soon. He will be joining the Obama administration as the Secretary for deriving the final exit strategy for moving US troops out of Afghanistan. Our mole in the US government has informed us that a formal announcement on this could hit the wires as early as Monday next.

Our source tells us that two senior US generals have been asked to feed Paul and keep dropping food packets marked with numbers corresponding to plans for troop withdrawal. “Obama is in fact so serious about the whole thing that he has dispatched a teleprompter to help the Generals address the media as and when the Paul selects the final plan.

Back home in India, self proclaimed spiritual leader Chavvani Anand has claimed that there was nothing extraordinary about the whole episode. “You know you can find out if its going to rain in the evening by looking at a cats tail and if a dog buries a bone in the north-west direction while the wind is blowing in the South-South East direction, it means your husband won’t take you out for shopping. There are many such rules by which animal behavior can be used as a guide to ascertain the future. I have myself used these rules successfully so many times,” Anand said before being cowed away in police van. The cops arrested him after part two of a sleazy video of his made a sudden appearance on You Tube. Anand was already on bail for part one of the video.