Australia will start racial attack forecasts

Buckling under pressure from India, Australia has agreed to take steps to protect Indian citizens from racial attacks. As a first step, the racist capital of the world will start issuing racial attack forecasts on the lines of weather forecasts for Indian citizens down under. The forecasts will be issued in bulletins broadcast on national television every single hour.

“We have realized that there are racists hiding in our country and these attacks as Pakistan said recently are unpreventable so the least we could have done is to warn Indians about it,” Australia’s vacation returned PM Kevin Rudd said on Saturday.  Though Australia claims that these racial attack bulletins will be more accurate than weather predictions, not many were ready to buy his argument even if offered at an offseason sale on discount. Many experts who spoke to this blogger feel that the move is aimed to deflect attention from Australia’s inability to curb these attacks and salvage its image.

A sample racist attack forecast map issued by Australian government