Recession is affecting performance

The affects of the ongoing recession are more widespread than initially considered. A recent study by a globally renowned socio-performist Dr. Hammerschmidst has revealed that the global economic slump has finally managed to enter peoples bedrooms and is poised to create more damage to demographics than governments around the world are prepared for.

Addressing a crowded press conference in Lakshadweep, Dr Hammerschmidst said “people are losing interest in procreation at rates that have not been documented since the last ice age. Nowadays, people are more concerned about retaining their jobs and giving their maximum at work than ever before and needless to say, this is reflecting on their bedroom behavior and the amount to time they are spending on the most important work that ensures the survival and continuity of human race on this planet”.

Painting an alarming picture of the future, the doctor claimed that the impact of this recession will be felt from the year 2050 onwards as the population of humans will start declining. His sentiment was however not shared by many. India’s health and family welfare minister Ghulam Azad was ecstatic when he heard the news. “If what this guy is saying is right, then we needn’t focus on providing better content on TV to keep people from breeding. Besides, we are considering a series of measures to prevent people from having more than 2 kids so such news will only encourage us,” he said.

Then there are others who agree with the doctor. A techie who didn’t want to be named says “well I hardly see my wife as I am at work 24*7. The other day my kid called me --the uncle who visits us—and I was shattered. My kid hasn’t seen for nearly a year. In such a situation, how can you expect me to do anything? Companies are making people slog like hogs,” he said.