Satyam's connection with ICC
Geff Harsh is the guy behind the latest ICC rankings that placed our very own Chota Don Tendulkar at a measly 26 position among all time great players. Our correspondent met the geek and came back with interesting dope on his background.
BM: Dude, what’s with the rankings? How dare you give such a low rank to such a great cricketer?
GH: Whats wrong? I mean we have followed strictly laid down rules that I have myself framed to ensure that the rankings are based on scientific processes and mathematical calculations that render the whole thing watertight. I have a history of framing such rules. Infact in my previous role, I was with a world famous auditor.
BM : Who is this auditor?
GH: Its PricewaterHouse Bloopers. I was managing the Satyam account for them.
BM: Oh, is it? Then you must be privy to what happened in that company, right?
GH: Yeah, I remember Mr Raju used to come with nearly 100 fixed deposit receipts daily to show me. I used to see so many bank names which I never knew existed. Do you know, there is a bank called Shittybank located in a place called El Borado near Hyderabad. Then there was another bank called Kichdi FC bank. I used to laugh at these names, but was never suspicious as Mr Raju had assured me that all transactions were genuine.
BM: What else did you see?
GH: They had some big names as employees. Satyam was employing P Chidambaram, L K Advani, Osama, Obama, Anil Ambani and they even had an employee called Ajmal Kasab.
BM: How can that be? Didn’t you smell a rat when you heard such names?
GH: I did. For this Mr Raju told me that Satyam had a policy of employing people who were celeb name sakes. He told me that he had instructed his HR department to hire such people to trick employees into believing that big names were working for them. In fact he told me that there are over 1300 Ramalingarajus working for Satyam in different departments.
BM: Why did you leave PwC?
GH: I got a better offer from ICC. They were looking for a guy who could not think and could ignore facts and stats to prepare a bogus list of greatest cricketers. At the interview, they asked me to prepare a list of greatest politicians ever and I named Dubya, Deve Gowda, Musharaf and some other folks. ICC was thoroughly impressed with my list. I was signed on immediately.
BM: Whats your next job gonna be?
GH: I have got an offer from the Pakistani government to be part of a team they have put together to investigate the allegations made by India after 26\11. They have formed a special cell within the ISI to carry out the investigation. I will be heading this cell with a group of guys on deputation from Taliban and Jamat Ul Dawa. I am really excited as this will be the first time that I will be working with real terrorists. So far I have worked with economic and sporting terrorists only.
BM: Dude, what’s with the rankings? How dare you give such a low rank to such a great cricketer?
GH: Whats wrong? I mean we have followed strictly laid down rules that I have myself framed to ensure that the rankings are based on scientific processes and mathematical calculations that render the whole thing watertight. I have a history of framing such rules. Infact in my previous role, I was with a world famous auditor.
BM : Who is this auditor?
GH: Its PricewaterHouse Bloopers. I was managing the Satyam account for them.
BM: Oh, is it? Then you must be privy to what happened in that company, right?
GH: Yeah, I remember Mr Raju used to come with nearly 100 fixed deposit receipts daily to show me. I used to see so many bank names which I never knew existed. Do you know, there is a bank called Shittybank located in a place called El Borado near Hyderabad. Then there was another bank called Kichdi FC bank. I used to laugh at these names, but was never suspicious as Mr Raju had assured me that all transactions were genuine.
BM: What else did you see?
GH: They had some big names as employees. Satyam was employing P Chidambaram, L K Advani, Osama, Obama, Anil Ambani and they even had an employee called Ajmal Kasab.
BM: How can that be? Didn’t you smell a rat when you heard such names?
GH: I did. For this Mr Raju told me that Satyam had a policy of employing people who were celeb name sakes. He told me that he had instructed his HR department to hire such people to trick employees into believing that big names were working for them. In fact he told me that there are over 1300 Ramalingarajus working for Satyam in different departments.
BM: Why did you leave PwC?
GH: I got a better offer from ICC. They were looking for a guy who could not think and could ignore facts and stats to prepare a bogus list of greatest cricketers. At the interview, they asked me to prepare a list of greatest politicians ever and I named Dubya, Deve Gowda, Musharaf and some other folks. ICC was thoroughly impressed with my list. I was signed on immediately.
BM: Whats your next job gonna be?
GH: I have got an offer from the Pakistani government to be part of a team they have put together to investigate the allegations made by India after 26\11. They have formed a special cell within the ISI to carry out the investigation. I will be heading this cell with a group of guys on deputation from Taliban and Jamat Ul Dawa. I am really excited as this will be the first time that I will be working with real terrorists. So far I have worked with economic and sporting terrorists only.
KichdiFC and shitty sound nice :)
ReplyDeletebtw who is BM?
Thnx dude...
ReplyDeleteBM is our sports correspondent Bored Massomdar.. :)). He did a hugely popular interview in 2007 read it here..
http://bestwebsiteinuniverse.blogspot.com/2008/01/i-have-problem-with-indiasteve-bucknor.html