Terms of reference – global financial slump

In this post I have tried to use common terms linked to the economic recession with relationships. Hope the result is worth a laugh. Heres the primer.

Bond – nothing to do with 007. This is what exists between you and your GF, till she sucks your blood dry and moves on.

Capital – reason why your girlfriend is still with you

Collateralized debt obligations (CDOs) - your relationship debts bundled together (tangible and intangible)

Credit crunch – a scenario that prevails till you are in a relationship

Dead cat bounce – when your girlfriend’s ex returns

Derivatives – kids from a live-in relationship

Limited Liability – live-in relationship

Liquidity – your capability to vanish when the shopping bill appears on the horizon

Mark-to-market – your value as determined by your GF. A direct function of how visible your relationship can be. Soars if you are seeing multiple people (while your partner is not), declines if the reverse is true.

Nationalization: when your girlfriend’s father decides to marry her off elsewhere

Responsible finance – something you can’t do when your girlfriend is around

Retained earnings – when your salary is credited (directly or otherwise) to your girlfriend’s account

Shorting – What your girlfriend does; quite often when she wants to show you your place in the scheme of things

Tier 1 assets – cant describe this here…mail me if you really want to know

Toxic assets – gifts given by your ex. You cant throw them off, neither can you give them away. They simply sit in your drawer and remind you of the days gone by…

Troubled Asset Relief Programs: when your best friend steps in to offer solace after a break up

Underwriter - your partner’s fiancée

Write down – what your GF does (reduce your market value) to ensure that you stick with her