The $2 billion heartache

Faced with increasing number of breakups in the country, the Indian government has asked the RBI to set up a special cell to rank relationships. The decision comes in the wake of a report submitted by a special committee which said that the country was loosing upto 2 billion dollars every month due to productivity losses inflicted by breakups.

It may be remembered that the Indian government had set up a special committee headed by a senior bureaucrat to study the impact of breakups on productivity in the public and private sector. The committee’s findings, termed alarming by the government, were published last month and subsequently analyzed by a team of cabinet ministers (GoM) who have now asked the government to act soon or lose more money and time.

The committee reported that since the impact of the ongoing financial crises started becoming more apparent, relationships have been strained. Apparently, as a result of breakups, people were becoming more disoriented and losing focus and the same was affecting work due to reduced output and productivity.

The GoM has meanwhile asked the government to set up a cell that will analyze and rate relationships based on a number of parameters. Couples can then take steps to either cement their relationship or initiate the process of drifting apart so that the impact on work is minimal. The ratings, to be based on the model followed by bodies such as CRISIL, S&P etc, will be issued periodically to married and unmarried couples registered with the Indian government. “The idea is to warn couples to act before it’s too late,” a prominent bureaucrat said.

The proposed body will also rate other relationships such as political alliances and will be operated completely from the web. Sources close to the government told this blogger that a series of dry runs will be conducted in the early half of next month before the cell starts its operations in full swing.

Commenting on the scope of the cell, Chavvani Lal, minister for relationships and extra marital affairs said “Our cell will only be ranking serious couples and flings and one night stands will be excluded from the scope of its powers. Couples will have to approach the cell via the website and we will run a series of checks before pronouncing the final verdict”.

The move has met with mixed reactions from various quarters. The commies, most of whom have no idea about what a relationship is, have condemned the move. Others such as Go Air CMD Mess Wadia are however open to the idea. “If this had happened some months back, I would not have been unceremoniously dumped by Priety. She just threw the book at me and walked off in a huff from the relationship like she had never known me. She had treated me like a piece of tissue paper. If someone had told me then that we were not made for each other, I would have channeled all my efforts in strengthening my airline instead of chasing her around,” Mess claimed with tears in his eyes.