Patil is the new brand ambassador

A prominent global non governmental body has chosen Indian politician and Home Minister Shivraj Patil as its hygiene ambassador for South Asia.

Patil was chosen after a rigorous selection process involving politicians from across the sub continent. The leaders were judged on parameters such as stress on personal hygiene, confidence and the ability to stay aloof. “We were impressed by the speed at which the minister washed his hands off every single incident of terror in the country. The moment a bomb went off, Mr Patil would take a bath, change into new clothes and mouth a few lines from his diary. Now it takes guts to do that and we acknowledge Mr. Patil’s concern for personal hygiene even under such trying circumstances,” a spokesperson for the organization said in New Delhi yesterday.

The organization also commended Patil on his efforts to wash his hands off any responsibility that came his way on the national security front. “Our respect for Mr Patil is growing by the day as we realize that he has become an invaluable asset for the opposition parties to attack the government. He has already washed his hands off terror incidents in the North East and will now wash his hands off the Raj Thackerey saga being enacted in Maharashtra”, the spokesperson added. In his new capacity, Patil will work with children from the rural areas in South Asia to spread awareness about the need for personal hygiene. He will also be citing examples from his personal life to reinforce the need for hygiene and sanitation.

Meanwhile, in a related development, Shivraj Patil's speech writer has joined the Mahesh Bhat camp. Patil's unimaginative speech writer had penned down such memorable lines as "we condemn such cowardly acts", "our sympathies are with those affected by such incidents" and the all time favorite "We will nab the perpetrators behind this heinous crime" which was repeated at least a dozen times in every interview by the honorable Home Minister. He was also the guy behind the most enlightening line ""It was available with us in Delhi also. But what was not available was the timing, the place and the method to be used for the purpose". Bhat has meanwhile announced a new movie which will be written by Patil's former speech writer. "We will shoot the movie first. The script can be decided later," Bhat said. The movie will be produced by G P Slippy. Patil was not available for comment.