Increasing attendance in parliament

Here’s how we can get out elected reps to attend parliament.

Instead of discussing issues of national interest, let the honorable members indulge in pure gossip. The personal life of the member who is absent will be debated in his absence in front of a live audience.

Put a wide screen television in both the houses that will allow members to watch movies and cricket matches whenever they get bored.

Replace existing benches with retractable chairs and cushions (ala aircraft) to let members catch their 500 winks, whenever needed.

Allow members to smoke inside the house.

Bring in cheerleaders from various countries (ala IPL) and allow them to perform inside the parliament atleast once a week.

Announce a reward for the member who clocks in the maximum hours in parliament. This dude can then exchange the hours for frequent flier miles on various airlines.

Transform parliament into the base of a reality game show (ala big boss). This is already happening atleast partially. This will bring in some moolah for the exchequer.

Give Angelina J, Carla B and Kim K parliament membership. Keep Mayawathi, Mamta Pumpkinjee and Joylollitha out of parliament. Katherina Kaif can be appointed as the brand ambassador of parliament and she should mandatorily cheer members as they rise to speak.

Conduct all regular sessions in second life QnA can happen on facebook. At least one session every year should be held in a resort.

All speeches given on the floor of the house should be judged by Javed Akthar and Puppy Lahiri. Those jokers who put more than three people to sleep should be kicked out of the house.

Post “cool” wallpapers on the walls of the house. Place a graffiti wall in the well of the house where members can scribble their heart out.

Allow members to throw their footwear at other members when they are bored. The only condition being that if they miss their mark, the target member gets a chance to get even.

Give membership to Russell Peters and Freeshanth.