An ungrateful nation

An exclusive interview with Fakhruddin Ahmed, the PM of Bangladesh on the country’s acquisition of missiles and investment in purchasing armaments at the cost of the country’s impoverished.

RS: you have started investing in building some form of defense system with active aid from China. Am I right?

FA: You are spot on. In fact we have just tested a couple of missiles.

RS: Who may I ask is threatening you Seychelles, Nauru or little green men from mars? I mean why would anyone be interested in attacking your country?

FA: Oh, the green men may well attack one day. We are not here to defend ourselves. This is just a show off; in fact we are copying Pakistan, who is seeking strategic parity with your country. We are seeking strategic parity with Pakistan and our dear friend and ally china is helping us in this. If Pakistan can have missiles, why can’t we?

RS: That’s not the point Mr Ahmed. There are many development concerns that need to be addressed by Bangladesh first. Curbing infant mortality rates, ensuring sustainable livelihood for the fishermen, protecting the interests of small farmers and traders and of course strengthening the emergency evacuation systems in low lying areas and protecting Sunderban…

FA: Are you talking about my country or yours? Bangladesh is pretty well off and we don’t need you to tell us what to do. These missiles and warships are hip and make us more fashionable. We need to indulge in some bit of showoff you see. As far as people are concerned, let me quote the former PM of Pakistan who famously said “we will go nuclear even if it means the people here have to eat grass” and we are much better off here so you guys needn’t worry.

RS: Let me tell you one thing Mr Ahmed, China is not your ally. It just wants to gain a toe hold in your country to keep an eye on strategic Indian activities in the Bay. They have already done it with Myanmar and are doing it with you. Is it so tough to understand? They are turning you into zombies in an all out war against India.

FA: I am aware of that. But so what? Whenever the Chinese come here they bring plenty of Chinese food for us in addition they bring their missiles all painted and all. Infact they call us a week before and ask us what the missile should be called and where they we want to place the Bangladeshi flag and the made in Bangladesh insignia. Now who would do all this for us? India?

RS: India wouldn’t do all that for you. We wont help you develop ballistic missiles that are nothing but wasteful expenditure for a country like yours. We will never help you build a strategic arsenal or develop nuclear weapons. We are the bad guys because we liberated you from the clutches of a evil tyrannical nation, rehabilitated refuges from your country, ensured that your freedom is sustained, provided food and assistance in times of need, offered trade incentives including corporate investments, provided access to locked areas of your country and treated you like a sister nation that all we have done. I guess all this pales in comparison with china…


FA: chill down dude, don’t take it personally. Its not like we hate India or something. In fact I have so many pirated CDs of bollywood movies and I am a big fan of puppy lahiri..he is simply amazing and besides I love Indian food.

RS: yeah right! Forget all the terrorists that you export to India. You were not even ready to share natural gas with our country when we asked for it and you say that you don’t hate us? Let me remind you Mr Ahmed, the way you are cozying up to China and Pakistan, history may repeat itself. You may be enslaved again.

FA: Yeah that’s fine with us as we know that you guys will liberate us again..(starts laughing hysterically)

RS: We have learnt our lesson. Next time you guys are on your own.

FA: There you that’s my point…that’s what I was trying to convince you. Since we are on our own, we need these “toys” to protect our sovereignty. We know very well that we have caused much despair to India and that she will not come forward in the future if our freedom is threatened so that’s why we are acquiring these weapons.