Chinese are proud proliferators

Yuk Thoo Chin is proliferation in charge with the government of China. In this exclusive interview, Chin reveals his country’s proud nuclear proliferation record.


RS: You have helped countries as diverse as Pakistan and North Korea gain nuclear weapons. Any reason for indulging in unbridled nuke proliferation?

YT: we believe in sharing everything we have. You see we are commies not just in principle, but in practice too. So be it missiles or nukes, we share everything with everyone.

RS: You have never shared anything with India. Infact, you have not even tried to reach out and make peace our country.

YT: we share animosity with you. Besides, who do you think trains, clothes and feeds the commies in your country? We have spent so much in sponsoring commies in your country and you say we have not shared anything? Also, who do you think is behind the meaowists and the insurgents in the North East part of your country?

RS: are you aware that the actions of your country have endangered global security? Al Qaeeda will soon lay its hands on the nukes that you have handed over to Pakistan.

YT: That’s again in line with our share and care strategy.

RS: So who all have been the lucky recipients of your proliferation initiatives?

YT: Pakistan, Iran, North Korea, Libya, Saudi Arabia, Sudan. Wait I will give you the full list its 10 pages long.

RS: when it comes to missiles, you give stuff to North Korea which gives it to Pakistan. Why don’t you sell it directly to Pakistan?

YT: We do that. In fact just yesterday they sent one knocked down missile to Pakistan. They asked us to send it as soon as possible as they haven’t tested a missile in a while and their top military brass was getting restless. This time the missile was even repainted here and you know what the best part is?

RS: What?

YT: Theres a typo in the missile name. Instead of writing Ghauri, we wrote Gory.

RS: I cant believe that you have a separate department to handle proliferation activities.

YT: Its become so big now that we need to have dedicated people for it. You see the whole modus operandi has also become quite sophisticated. Earlier the guys needing the stuff would come to us and the deal would have been done in Beijing. Now we do all deals in Macau, where we have more agents than the local populace.

RS: Arent you worried that these people may use these weapons against humanity?

YT: See, we worry about the world only when we host the Olympics; else they are all disposable pieces of protoplasm for us..just like the “Chinese” stuff we sell (starts laughing uncontrollably).

RS: Besides Pakistan is helping foster the rebellion in Uygur province of your country. They are using the very weapons that you exported to that country. Any comments?

YT: See that is a matter of worry. But then as I said before you cannot fight anyone with Chinese weapons. Infact you cannot even kill a fly with them. So even if Pakistan hands over these arms to the rebels, no problems we will quell the rebellion with weapons imported from Russia.