Obit for a corrupt politician
Obit for a corrupt politician
In the years to come, Indians may adapt to corruption around them and may infact revel in it. The country moving up the ladder in the Transparency International ratings on corruption may be greeted with great applause and bribes may be legalized. We take you on a journey to such a time in the future and present the obituary of a politician Chavvani Lal, who has just passed away during such times.
Crimes of India; Aug 10, XXXX
New Delhi: There are corrupt politicians and then there are some who have attained nirvana in the world of corruption. Chavvani lal, born in a rural family in a non descript village in Western UP was one such guru. He was an outstanding student since his school days. Chavvani Lal often bunked his classes to bolster his belief that true learning cannot be imparted within the confines of a school. He never believed in textual knowledge relying instead on bollywood fare to teach him about the ways of the ordinary mortal. The shrewd dude that he was, Chavvani always managed to pass his exams, thanks to his ingenious methods of cheating.
On reaching college, Chavvani plunged head on into student union politics and was elected president of the union for two consecutive years. His first brush with real politics came when a local Pungee party head saw the dude in action on campus, real time. This politician inducted him into the party and from there on, it was a straight road ahead. Chavvani grew from strength to strength, first as the head of the local milk cooperative, where he personally framed the dilution ratio for milk and water to the state animal husbandry minister where he was mastermind behind a multi-crore fodder scam. By the time he became the PWD minister, his impressive portfolio read: accused in 23 cases of arson, 27 of attempted murder, 61 of arson and destruction of public property.
After tasting success at the state level, Chavvani set his eyes on the Center. Inducted as the minister for state for chemicals and fertilizers, he opened a bank account in St. Kitts island to channel huge amounts of money running into millions of dollars received as kickbacks in various deals. When he ran foul of the ruling party and the CBI started investigating his disproportionate sources of income, Chavvani spilt the party, purchased nearly 80 percent of the MPs and brought the opposition to power. From here on, Chavvani ensured that he received 5kickback in all major deals and kept his flock intact to the very end. He had fought the recent elections from jail and celebrated his 250th charge sheet with great revelry.
A shrewd politician, Chavvani single handedly helped India move 10 places up in the Transparency International’s corruption rankings. His death has caused an irreparable loss to the corrupt ruling class of this country for whom he was an icon, a philosopher and guide. A footwear flinging expert, Chavvani’s slippers rarely missed their target on the floor of the house. He has also had the rare distinction of hitting the speaker with a pair of slippers on various occasions in both houses of parliament.
He has undoubtedly left his imprint on the minds of the next generation of corrupt politicians who will walk in his footsteps and take the country to the list of top five corrupt ones in the world. We are sure that Chavvani must have bribed his way to heaven.
God save my country!
In the years to come, Indians may adapt to corruption around them and may infact revel in it. The country moving up the ladder in the Transparency International ratings on corruption may be greeted with great applause and bribes may be legalized. We take you on a journey to such a time in the future and present the obituary of a politician Chavvani Lal, who has just passed away during such times.
Crimes of India; Aug 10, XXXX
New Delhi: There are corrupt politicians and then there are some who have attained nirvana in the world of corruption. Chavvani lal, born in a rural family in a non descript village in Western UP was one such guru. He was an outstanding student since his school days. Chavvani Lal often bunked his classes to bolster his belief that true learning cannot be imparted within the confines of a school. He never believed in textual knowledge relying instead on bollywood fare to teach him about the ways of the ordinary mortal. The shrewd dude that he was, Chavvani always managed to pass his exams, thanks to his ingenious methods of cheating.
On reaching college, Chavvani plunged head on into student union politics and was elected president of the union for two consecutive years. His first brush with real politics came when a local Pungee party head saw the dude in action on campus, real time. This politician inducted him into the party and from there on, it was a straight road ahead. Chavvani grew from strength to strength, first as the head of the local milk cooperative, where he personally framed the dilution ratio for milk and water to the state animal husbandry minister where he was mastermind behind a multi-crore fodder scam. By the time he became the PWD minister, his impressive portfolio read: accused in 23 cases of arson, 27 of attempted murder, 61 of arson and destruction of public property.
After tasting success at the state level, Chavvani set his eyes on the Center. Inducted as the minister for state for chemicals and fertilizers, he opened a bank account in St. Kitts island to channel huge amounts of money running into millions of dollars received as kickbacks in various deals. When he ran foul of the ruling party and the CBI started investigating his disproportionate sources of income, Chavvani spilt the party, purchased nearly 80 percent of the MPs and brought the opposition to power. From here on, Chavvani ensured that he received 5kickback in all major deals and kept his flock intact to the very end. He had fought the recent elections from jail and celebrated his 250th charge sheet with great revelry.
A shrewd politician, Chavvani single handedly helped India move 10 places up in the Transparency International’s corruption rankings. His death has caused an irreparable loss to the corrupt ruling class of this country for whom he was an icon, a philosopher and guide. A footwear flinging expert, Chavvani’s slippers rarely missed their target on the floor of the house. He has also had the rare distinction of hitting the speaker with a pair of slippers on various occasions in both houses of parliament.
He has undoubtedly left his imprint on the minds of the next generation of corrupt politicians who will walk in his footsteps and take the country to the list of top five corrupt ones in the world. We are sure that Chavvani must have bribed his way to heaven.
God save my country!
"In the years to come, Indians may adapt to corruption around them and may infact revel in it."
ReplyDeleteWell Well....I dontt hink it is going to take very long..we are halfway there...
only the Revealing part is to start happening... ;)
Agreed... indeed sad state of affairs..
ReplyDelete