Funny Indian cuisine

Indian cuisines offer much variety to the discerning foodie. From the icy mountains of Kashmir to the windy sun-kissed beaches of Kanyakumari, each area has its own enviable range of culinary delights. These dishes are redolent of the climate of various regions and deliver a veritable gastronomic experience to the gourmet. But such specialties are not available on our menu. We are instead focusing on a set of selected dishes that do not fall in any one of the above categories and can easily be passed off as repulsive fare. So without any further ado, we present a collection of such dishes found exclusively in our country.

Aam Admi bhartha (Mashed common man)
Ingredients:

Common man
Corruption
Fuel price hike
Tax hike
Hike in cooking gas prices
Pathetic infrastructure
Lack of governance

Take the common man, subject him to fuel price hike and mash him with a steep hike in cooking gas prices. Roast over pathetic infrastructure and then Sauté over constant tax hikes. Mix thoroughly and add deficient governance, apathy and plenty of corruption. Cook uncovered on a high flame for 60 years and stir continuously.

Serves: over 1 billion

Indian television Koorma

Ingredients:

Tired audience

Unimaginative scripts

Copied concepts (from foreign serials)

Unreal reality shows

Hamming actors

Saas bahu torture

Cricket to taste

Start with unimaginative scripts and add a liberal dose of copied concepts. Then stir fry the tired audience with hamming actors, unreal reality shows and subject the mix to saas bahu torture. Add cricket and mix in well-known production houses. Serve bored.

Serves: over 200 million

Mahesh hut kichidi

Ingredients:

Emran Hashmi

One melodious song

One front page news item preferably about crime and underworld

Non descript heroine

Kisses to taste

Script, screenplay and direction are not needed for this

Take Emran Hasmi, add one melodious song, mix and keep separately. Wait till the front page news item appears, extract and add to the mix prepared earlier along with the non descript heroine. Add over 20 kisses and serve.

Serves: Mahesh Bhatt, Emran Hasmi and their family members only

Indian cellular tikki

Ingredients:

Harassed customer

Plenty of apathy

Deficient service

Inflated bills

Poor infrastructure

Marinate the harassed customer in tons of apathy. Stir fry over deficient service and add poor infrastructure when needed. Garnish with inflated bills and serve.

Serves: Over 10 crore

Padosi mulk kabab

Tin pot dictator

Unstable democracy

Jurassic foreign policy

Terror hub banana republic

Perennial inferiority complex

Useless middle class

Along with the ruling tin pot dictator, soak the banana republic in Jurassic foreign policy. Mix with useless middle class with unstable democracy and toast over perennial inferiority complex. Serve undeveloped and on the brink.

Serves: global
Statutory warning: consuming these dishes could lead to incurable bouts of disenchantment, cynicism and even hallucinations.