Laugh a minute: Kissa Kuchi ka

Its traditional name is kaupeena and the synonyms are equally, if not more, interesting. The brief, Langot or the underwear or simply the chaddi has found reference in many puzzling contexts. This piece is dedicated to one of the most inconspicuous garments in human history.

Down the ages

The original langot or brief was of course made of leaves. This may have something to do with the easy availability of raw material. The scary part is imagining what the wearer would have done in winter. As the human race stepped on the evolutionary pedal, the langots too evolved. References to langots were however considered a taboo and shopping for one continued to be a tedious affair.

Our superheroes have been the traditional guardians of the underwear. These guys have strived to highlight an aspect of man that would have otherwise stayed hidden. Tarzan has undoubtedly been one of the biggest brand ambassadors the langot has ever seen. The joke goes like this…once Tarzan came across a dead leopard and exclaimed, “oh, my new underwear”. When superman made his grand appearance on the global arena, he had set many a tongue-wagging with his ‘wear-it-outside’ langot. Inadvertently or otherwise, these guys moved the langot closer to acceptance in a conservative society.

There are many idioms and sayings in Hindi which use langot to describe many aspects of life. Childhood friends are called langotiya yaar. A funny saying goes like this, ‘Bhagte bhooth ki langot bhali’. The literal meaning is ‘Lucky to have at least the langot of the ghost that ran away’. The deeper meaning is ‘Be happy with whatever you have.’ Wonder how the saying came into use! Is it possible that a ghost appeared but before he could be caught he vanished but in the process his langot was caught in the fence? But why an ectoplasmic entity lacking a protoplasmic two-dimensional presence on earth needed a langot remains an unsolved mystery.

No one knows langots like our two penny politicians. Never found wanting when it comes to using foul language, these jokers have used and abused the langots beyond imagination. A prominent MP with leftist leanings once called his colleague a “langot thief”. The remark, which was subsequently expunged by the speaker, caused much consternation among the occupants of the moral bench in parliament.

Langots have also caused legal complications. Recently, when the government of Delhi wanted to evict some roadside vendors, the langots came to their rescue. Many concerned citizens wrote to various newspapers complaining about this. The reason was a worry that the eviction would dry up all sources of cheap cotton langots and that they may have to shop for their glorified leaves in some fancy mall.

It is said that the langot is one of the reasons behind the imposition of emergency in Pakistan. Musharraf has claimed that some talibani elements along with few judges stole his favorite pokemon langots while he was asleep (please read my previous blog for this story). He has gone on record stating that he won’t rest unless his langots are recovered. One of the most atrocious decisions ever taken by an elected government anywhere involves Disney creation Donald duck’s langots or rather the absence of it. This toon character has been banned in Belgium for not wearing his Kaupeena.

Once, a fan committed a typo while keying in the name of his favorite actress in one of his mails to her. This lass, who recently broke with her boyfriend, was called Kaupeena by her star-struck fan, who to this day wonders why he never received a reply for that mail. What about dudes who manufacture kucchis? There was this businessman, heading one of the largest langot manufacturing firms in India, who took a rookie journo to task for calling him an underwear tycoon.

So there you have it love it, ignore it or abuse it, the langot is here to stay; atleast till a suitable alternative is discovered.