Air Deccan Vs passngers

Simplifleece
After listening to many tales of customer harassment by one of the nation's cheapest airlines, we decided to conduct an in-depth investigation. Our reporters Bhakra Hutt and Arnab Ghostsawme, posing as passengers, were thrown out even before they could even board the plane. This was done inspite of the fact that they had valied tickets. When Arnab threatened to take the airline to court, he was mocked by the staff of crew of the airline. One of them even joked about the surname of Arnab. This airline seems to have made a habit of throwing passengers out inspite of having confirmed tickets. Armed with all the requisite evidence, these reporters confronted the Managing Disaster of Air Dhakkan, Topinath and managed to extract some shocking info. Here's the interview.

For readers, just to know how this is done, here's the process. After you check in, your baggage is screened. The staff manning the screening wing have already been instructed by Dhakkan to slow down and the result-an endless queue of passengers waiting for their turn. Then, when you turn late by say a minute (due to the slow screening) you are declared as a late passenger and not allowed to board the plane. So delay of a minute means loss of around 7-8 K.

Bhakra: So Mr. Topinath. What seems to be wrong here? Overbooking, disembarking passengers, stopping paid passengers from boarding? Please explain.

Topinath: all this was due to computer bug, a glitch in our systems and due to some unethical guys hacking into our systems and due to power problems in various airports, the ATC and the IATA and due to software issues and due to global warming and the rising average temperature of the globe which, is making our systems go crazy. It is also due to the failure of the Indian team in the Caribbean and due to politics played by some dirty politicians and due to our rival airlines indulging in…

Arnab: is there anyone else left to blame?

Topinath: yes. It's also due to some aliens from some other galaxy, who want to finish our airlines off…

Bhakra: can't you accept atleast some of the blame?

Topinath: one man can bring a horse to water but, 100 men cannot make it drink. Same goes for flying I can bring 100 passengers to the plane. But I cannot make everyone fly. If they want to fly, let them go to other airlines. With Air Dhakkan, we only guarantee a ticket and not the flight. Infact so many of our passengers have been so lucky as they were allowed to board the plane, before being disembarked. Infact my proposal to have standing passengers (like in busses) was shot down by the civil aviation ministry or you would have seen some foot boarding passengers too.

Arnab: What is the real problem according to you?

Topinath: Look Arnab, we are a small airline. We don't have big PR budget. When we have that, our spin doctors will take care of such issues. Then you won't hear of such incidents as we will suppress them effectively. So I am requesting the media to bear with us till we have enough bucks in our kitty to hire the big guns of PR.

Bhakra: there have been complaints of Dhakkan being a cheap airline, in the real sense.

Topinath: yes we indeed are really cheap. Infact our aircraft are maintained by local garage mechanics, In-flight catering is managed by local dhabbhas and the best part is (starts laughing) our plane tires are inflated by using cycle pumps, which I had since I was a kid. So there you have it..we are all about low costs and in such conditions you cannot expect a "Virgin" style treatment. Oh! And before I forget, we are also the world's only eco friendly airline.

Bhakra: can you qualify your statement?

Topinath: our planes run on biofuel. Infact feel so proud to say that we have an in-house fuel research team. This team does cutting edge research on aircraft turbine fuel. By the way you will be even more happy to learn that this team is headed by none other than Grammar Pillai (the fake bio petrol guy).

Bhakra: what about the future? Are you investing in state-of-the-art planes, and infrastructure?

Topinath: Oh yes we sure are. Just yesterday we imported 10 cycle pumps from Kenya. We are also increasing the life of plane tires by having the rethreading done by some tire guys from highway garages. Punctured tires will be patched and from now on we will be using water colors for painting our planes. We have heard that Indian Air Force will be retiring some Migs this year. We will buy them and use their engines in our planes. We have told the defence ministry that we will only buy these planes if their fuel tanks are loaded. That way we will get some fuel for free.

Arnab: you have said that you want every Indian to fly once…
Topinath: yes, just once. After a harrowing journey in Air Dhakkan, none of our passengers would want to fly again. (starts laughing uncontrollably)