Aryan invasion/migration theory changed again
The much-loathed Aryan Invasion/Migration theory has been changed once again
by its backers. The reason cited for the change is the continuing lack of
evidence for all versions of this theory till date.
Alleged historian and the power behind converting Indian school history textbooks
into documents as interesting as the annexure section of tender documents for
procuring stationery for the State Bank of India, Romila Distaper made this
announcement at a thinly attended press conference in the national capital on
Saturday.
"The Aryan Invasion Theory (AIT) subsequently changed to Aryan
Migration Theory (AMT) is now changed to Aryan Expat Theory. The fair-skinned
Central European Aryans were not invaders or migrants but were merely expats
who came to India to work and in the process, they developed several local
flings, Distaper said.
The new theory states that the Aryans came on work visas and were here only
to write the Vedas and make other significant contributions before heading back
after the expiry of their work visas. They were given a massive farewell with a massive concert and other programs. There is no real evidence for any of these assertions.
"In their spare time, these expats wrote the Vedas, recreated chariots,
sold Asafoetida, introduced horses, bindi, agriculture, temples, astronomy,
toys, and outdoor plumbing. They had a lot of spare time to put all these
things together and without their contribution, we wouldn't have had all these
things. We owe a lot to the transparent-skinned Aryans who were so fair that
one could see blood flowing through their veins," she added.
When asked to provide evidence, she said "the evidence is there in the
genes. If you observe, there is no intermixing of the genes of the local
population of the Indus-Saraswati civilization and Aryans as they simply had
flings and did not you know go behind the bushes. The genetic signal is not there for
this reason. Also, the lack of documentary evidence is because the Indus-Saraswati
civilization folks usurped all credit for everything and sent the expat Aryans
back to the steppes".
Fellow historian Errorfan Habeep said they have gathered enough evidence
from many websites to back the Aryan Expat Theory. "We have scanned
over 34 websites and non-peer-reviewed journals from Europe to draw this
conclusion. So now we can explain the lack of evidence for Aryan Invasion and
Aryan Migration Theory," he said.
"In light of these developments, history textbooks have to be rewritten.
We will try to make it even more senile and disinteresting as possible this
time. Last time our work was compared to SBI tender. This time we intend to
make it as interesting as a BSNL SIM card sign-up terms and conditions
document. We don't want anyone to understand history. If you understand
history, then there is no fun in it and we intend to keep it that way,"
Distaper said.
Toward the end of the presser, both were seen taking their medication and
they left the premises in an ambulance.
Route of entry of the fair skinned Aryans into India
as per the migration theory
for the still fair skinned Aryans as per the new Aryan Expat Theory.
The area in brown was avoided as
there was a chariot traffic jam there.
Romila Distaper
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