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Irridium found in Volkswagen exhaust: Maggi Lab

UPFSDA lab finds traces of Irridium in VW car exhaust

Humor Unplugged to file suit against ponytail

Why didn't you block our URLs?

Is Deepika Padukone cursed??

All her boyfriends are doomed says astrologer

Coal scam probe to cover allocations made since 3000 BC

CBI is serious about naming criminals looting the nation since Indus Valley Civilisation

Arnab Goswami tries to do a Manmohan Singh, gets mauled

Implementing reforms is a tough job for anyone

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Tussauds withdraws Kareena Kapoor’s wax statue in just 24 hours

The ‘talented’ actress was apparently unhappy with the way her wax statue turned out.

Moments before the tantrum
Humor Unplugged has been told by sources in the Madame Tussauds museum that Kareena’s recently unveiled statue has been pulled back for ‘modifications’. Here is the full story.

When the statue was unveiled on Thursday, the actress was all smiles and called the statue a 'unmatched honor for Indian cinema'. But that apparently was the proverbial fake smile before the storm.

Everything was fine till the actress had a cursory glance at the statue's bottom. Within no time she flew off the handle and threw a Ra.one sized tantrum, scaring the wits out of visitors and media folk. Noted producer-director-mumbler Yash Chopra who was at the museum tried to calm the actress by offering her a item number in one of his upcoming movies. But when Kareena heard that she would not be paid for it, she created a even bigger din. Left with no option, the museum management agreed and asked the national award winning actress to share a list of the suggestions she had.

Why would a museum host a wax
statue of a wax statue?
HU's entertainment expert asks. 
Humor Unplugged has obtained a copy of the list which starts with the wax statue’s bum. The actress feels that the statue has a saggy bottom which is quite unlike her. She also feels that the cheek bones, nose and ears of the statue have to be altered. Kareena has agreed to fly her Botox manager to the museum to help the museum staff understand her body better.

Kareena has reportedly told the museum management that her features are in a constant state of flux, due to varying levels of Botox availability. “Sometimes Saif needs more Botox so I don’t get my full quota,” she said.    

Museum authorities refused to give a date for return of the statue. The statue has already started getting acting offers from movie makers and ad agencies. Humor Unplugged also caught Saif Ali Khan making passes at the statue. When confronted Saif denied everything and claimed he was merely checking if they had painted the statue properly. "I always travel with a can of  Asian paints for such emergencies," he claimed.

Intruding F1 stray dogs were protesting corporate apathy

India’s grand entry into Formula One was delayed on Friday when stray dogs interrupted the first-ever practice session at Buddh International Circuit.

So why exactly did the stray dogs do a China and intrude into the $400 million track? When Humor Unplugged contacted a spokesperson for the Straydogs Union of India (SuI) he claimed that the intrusion was in protest against the Jaypee Group showing extraordinary levels of discrimination against stray mongrels in the vicinity of the f1 track. The stray dogs were apparently inspired by the Occupy Wall Street movement in the US and wanted to do something similar to draw attention to their plight.

0-60 in 30 secs
“Let them go and check the Bangalore International Airport where the management treats us better than passengers who pay. Thats the kind of treatment we are looking at. BIAL should be a role model for all such projects in the country. No company should treat us as second class citizens just because no one goes on fast for us. They should remember that we have been staying in this area even before this track was set up and so we have special rights,” a spokesperson for SuI said.

Stating that the stray dogs union was not against any particular company or group, the spokesperson said “in some cities we are against the government too. But then we don’t face any civic issues in most of the places we live in. In fact we have access to good civic amenities and have few things to complain about. But in some cases the government behaves like these corporate entities and harasses us and that is when problems happen”.
Occupy Buddh Circuit...

The spokesperson also claimed that every time a Himmesh Reshamiya’s movie was released, stray dogs turn into soft targets for angry citizens. “During such times, whenever we bark, they are reminded of that caped disaster crooning and that increases their anger toward us. Himmesh Reshamiya’s movies are creating problems aplenty and if that clown doesn’t stop making 70mm pig feed, we will be forced to seek legal recourse soon,” the SuI spokesperson said.    

I am the 1 percent
Our source in the Jaypee group meanwhile denied all charges and stated that all stakeholders were treated with due respect and were accorded all possible support at all times before, during and after the project. The union government has rushed in Kapil Sibal to work out a truce agreement between the warring parties.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Funny Ra.one ads

From Indian Railways to Samsung...everyone is singing only one tune..Ra.one. Here are a few ads used by companies seeking to hitch a ride on the Ra.one brandwagon...


The question every.one is asking is whoever came up with these ads???

Man admitted to ICU after watching Damnadamn

The only person to have seen Himesh Reshammiya's magnum opus and Ra.one challenger Damadamm has been admitted to a super specialty hospital after complaining of severe chest pain and dizziness.

Chavvani Lal, a 30 year old from Pune watched the movie – first day first show after accepting a bet from friends who said he won’t be able to sit through the movie. However, Lal’s enthusiasm turned into horror within 15 minutes after the movie started. Doctors who were on standby outside the empty hall were rushed in as soon as Lal sent a SoS sms to the stunt coordinator.

The censor board has banned
this poster saying it was too
scary for kids.
Pune cops have taken two people into custody and are investigating the episode. “We had clearly issued an advisory to people not to watch this movie unless they had the option of walking away within 5 minutes of seeing Himesh’s face. Unfortunately this was not the case in this instance and we have therefore taken two people into custody for interrogation. We might even call in Himesh for questioning. I dont know which clown advised that joker to take up acting,” ACP Frauduman said.

Lal, according to sources is the only person who has seen this movie so far. His condition is said to be stable but he has been moved to ICU for 24x7 observation. Doctors attending on him said his cardio-vascular system had taken a severe hit but he was responding to treatment. The next 24 hours will be crucial he said.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

India and Pakistan almost agree on more airspace violations

Buoyed by the bonhomie generated by the recent air space violation incident, India and Pakistan are considering a landmark 'intrusion' agreement.

After several Pakistani newspapers termed the recent straying of Indian Army chopper into PoK airspace and the way in which both nations handled the incident as a CBM, India and Pakistan have informally agreed to intrude into each other’s airspace more often. The plan according to defense analysts is to play to the gallery and media who are perennially ready for a free ride.

Chopper intrusions will become
a common affair across LoC soon
Humor Unplugged has learnt that the external affairs ministry in New Delhi today received a proposal from Islamabad detailing a plan to consider more air space violations in the near future. Our mole in the S M Krishna’s office confirmed the development and said that the proposal was being considered at the highest levels in the government and is expected to receive a official nod soon.

“We were indeed surprised by our reaction. I thought we will take some strong action. But we ended up sending the chopper back and reacted in a very positive manner to the whole thing. So we have decided to treat this as a ‘Confidence Building Measure’ (CBM) and do this (if possible) on a monthly basis. They have intruded this time and now it is our turn to reciprocate. We have kept a chopper on standby and as and when the Indian government gives us the go ahead, we will intrude into Indian airspace and then India can return our chopper the way we did with all hoopla. If needed we can also send a few Talibani elements who are desperate to cross the border to watch Ra.One,” a senior official in the Pak foreign ministry said.

External affairs minister S M Krishna could not be reached as he was having his wig serviced. His Pakistani counterpart Hina Rabbani was meanwhile 'away' on gtalk at the time of going to press.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Hobbes has the worst nightmare..

Click to enlarge

Stay hungry...stay foolish - the Indian version

What they preach...

                                                                                                                                                                                 With apologies to Steve.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Pakistan gets world’s first D1 track

Exclusive state of the art track will help the nation hold high speed donkey races.

D1 driver with his vehicle
Pakistan on Friday became the proud owner of the world’s first donkey racing track. The state of the art track will soon host high speed donkey races involving animals and men drawn from across Pakistan.  In a press release issued late Saturday evening, Pakistan’s interior ministry claimed credit for building the 120 km long track and urged media and bloggers to come and visit the ‘engineering marvel’.

According to our sources, the track will be inaugurated by the country’s president Asif Ali Zardari on October 26 at a terrorist studded event involving current and former terror heavy weights such as Mullah Omar, Jamaat-ud Dawa (JuD) chief Hafiz Muhammad Saeed and others who don’t officially exist on Pakistani soil.

A D1 team testing the track
“This track bears testimony to our consistent efforts to integrate the people of Khyber Pakhtunkhwa with rest of Pakistan. We have invested plenty of resources, time and goodwill in building this track and we will not rest until the fruits of our investment reach the common people after our honourable president deducts his customary 10 percent. We also acknowledge the extraordinary contributions made by Mia Dawood, Mia Sayeed and Mia Omar who have together contributed over 80 percent of the project cost,” said A Rehman Malik, Pakistan’s Interior Minister.

When Humor Unplugged visited Peshawar, we encountered excited crowds waiting for the big event. Many had come from various parts of Pakistan to partake in the first ever donkey grand prix or D1 as it is officially called. Government of Pakistan has given a 100 pc tax exemption to the event and has promised to launch a tourism promotion drive in the next two weeks.

Parliament worried over decreasing duets in Bollywood

Looks like our lawmakers have found something new to worry about.

Cutting across party lines, MPs on Friday expressed concern over decreasing number of duets in Bollywood movies.  In a motion moved in the Lok Sabha yesterday, MP Chavvani Lal asked the government to take strong steps to arrest and reverse this decline at the earliest.

Duets: going...going...gone?
“When the NDA government was in power, we used to have one mandatory duet in every movie. We had over 456 registered duets in various movies in 2002. Today we just have two. The UPA government has failed once again.  It has not taken the issue with any seriousness. But we are open to a no-holds barred debate. Our concern is that the nation's pride and honour, has been sullied," senior BJP leader L K Advani said.

MP and Bollywood expert Lalloo Prasad Yadav rued the absence of sustainable chemistry among lead actors in today movies. “Today actors look as if they have been threatened into acting. There is absolutely no chemistry and everyone is simply worried about their own role. In such conditions you can never expect a proper duet. When I was young in the early Cretaceous, even animals in movies used to sing songs and run around trees-even if they belonged to different species,” Lalloo complained     

Lalloo: Chemistry is essential 
Left parties meanwhile asked the government to call an all-party meeting on the issue. “This is indeed a matter of concern for all Indians. The government should immediately convene an all-party meet and bring out a white paper on this. The nation needs to know why the Indian film industry is becoming uncomfortable with duets,” commie leader Prakash Karat said in a telegram sent from Beijing. The CPI(M) also asked government to consider offering monetary incentives in the form of subsidies to encourage movies to have more duets.  

Dismissing the opposition’s ‘crocodile tears’, Congress leader Kapil Sibal said “what do they expect me to do? Wear a lehenga and dance around the trees? Who do you think I am, Sushma Swaraj? This is a matter for Bollywood to decide and if the government intervenes, some clown will go on a fast on this one, just to gain publicity. We are in touch with movie makers and my colleague Digvijay Singhji has already threatened to start attending muhurat shoots if Bollywood doesn’t revert to its original duet levels. Lets wait and see if this leads to something”.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Renowned economist endorses ‘Occupy Wall Street’ movement

Humor Unplugged’s guest columnist and noted economist Arminel Birchwell Sanders’ take on the Occupy Wall Street movement.

We are at crossroads in this country's history. Following one of the greatest rip-offs of American citizens by those in the higher echelons of power, both the Republican Party and the Democratic Party have demonstrated that they are morally compromised. We desperately need principled and uncompromised leadership in this country.

I am with the protesters: Sanders
These protests do highlight the most powerful, dangerous and secretive economic and political force in America. If this country is to break out of this horrendous and vicious cycle of recession and create the millions of jobs we desperately need, if we have to create a modicum of financial stability for the near and long term future, there is no question but that the American people are going to have to take a very hard look at Wall Street and demand fundamental reforms.  I hope these protests are the beginning of that process.

I have evolved a set of policy imperatives that US lawmakers will need to implement to address the issues raised by the movement:
• Ban lobbying at all levels
• Radical transparency
• Elimination of the revolving door between industry, lobby groups, and government
• Policy and governance to incorporate fairness, equity, and consistency
• Make bankers more liable to their follies – I am talking about more accountability here
• Dispose failed thinkers from leadership positions
• Elimination of the current tax code. super simplicity in taxation. No loopholes. Income tax paid directly from the source. If possible, elimination of the need for tax returns for most wage earner
• Diligent prosecution of white-collar criminals
• Involvement in policy and governance of people who predicted the crises and banning all who thought it was impossible to predict

I refuse to dilute the equity of the movement by stating more. But at the same time I hope the government chips in and takes this movement to its logical and much desirable conclusion.

Stray dogs - part of the security apparatus at Bangalore Airport

The management of Bangalore International Airport (BIAL) has spared no expense to ensure your safety.

Bangalore’s very own international airport has achieved the distinction of being the first airport in the country  to implement a multi-tier security regime. BIAL has added an extra layer of security in the form of 300 stray dogs who are standing guard and watching over visitor and VIP movement in its premises. This unique arrangement has been made possible thanks to a unique Public-Private-Stray engagement model evolved by the BIAL management.

The extra layer of security at BIAL
While most airports in the country and around the world may have one or at the max two levels of security, BIAL boasts of a three-tier arrangement consisting of CISF, private security guards and stray dogs at the periphery. When contacted, a proud and beaming BIAL spokesperson Chavvani Lal said “this is indeed a remarkable achievement for our airport. The external security cordon that we have enforced is completely dependent on stray dogs. And I am not speaking about ordinary mongrels here. These are the best strays in the country and have been picked from localities where they forced people to move out”.

When Humor Unplugged visited BIAL, we found strays roaming everywhere. The mission hounds were keeping a watch over everyone, especially people with food. “These animals have been trained to keep an eye on people consuming perishables in the premises. Such people could be carrying biochemical weapons on them and we need to be extremely careful. So if a stray comes near you and snatches food from your hands, don’t be alarmed and cooperate with these dogs as they are simply doing their duty by testing your food. This is in the larger interest of passengers using our state of the art airport,” Lal said.

BIAL’s senior management, according to sources is mulling a proposal to increase the number of strays guarding the airport. “I have no problems with that since I never use BIAL. I always travel to either Chennai or Hyderabad if I have to catch a flight,” a senior BIAL guy told Humor Unplugged over a Skype chat.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Zardari rebrands himself post occupy Wall Street protests

Pakistan’s embattled president Asif Ali Zardari has launched a new campaign to gain acceptance and credibility among the masses.

Humor Unplugged has learnt that Zardari has hired an agency to rebrand himself in the eyes of ordinary Pakistanis. The agency has been tasked with recasting the Pakistani president as a ‘leader who cares’ using the Occupy Wall Street movement as a template.
The first creative

“Yes it is true. His Excellency 10 percent has indeed approached us to give him an image makeover. In fact the first creative of the piece is  ready and I can share it with you. Our brief was simple make him look as human as possible and leverage the occupy Wall Street protests happening in US and I am happy to state that we have achieved that goal,” our anonymous source in the agency said.

Further details are awaited.

Calvin develops chest pain

Click to enlarge

Friday, October 14, 2011

Pramod Mutalik laments declining quality of goons in the country

Voicing his displeasure over the quality of goons that join premier organizations like Sri Ram Sena, senior goon Pramod Mutalik has said there is a need to overhaul the selection criteria for goons seeking admission to prestigious anti-social institutions in the country.

Addressing a gathering of hundreds of former goons at a Beloved Hoodlums Association of India (BHAI) summit in Mumbai, Mutalik said the quality of goons has deteriorated over the years due to the emergence of a large number of anti-social organizations in the country which were admitting goons of lower professional calibre.

"Thanks to the proliferation of large number of anti-social organizations, the quality of goons participating in various activities has gone lower and lower. Today, we have as many goons as we have news anchors on TV and the quality also is more or less the same," Mutalik said staring at the ceiling, receiving a thundering applause from his audience. Some of the audience members were so charged up that they burned a few vehicles parked outside the venue. Later on however they tried to extinguish the fire when they realized some of the vehicles were their own.

Drawing a road map to put BHAI among the top goon institutes in the world, Mutalik said it has to be ensured that institutes like BHAI "transcend from simply imparting goon culture to evolving reasonably good practices to develop goons who are at par or even better than those produced by the Taliban in Pakistan".

He said that more emphasis has to be given to goon research at the undergraduate level and examinations should test the independent thinking ability of goons rather than their ability to cause problems. Mutalik said in order to produce good goons, political parties need to be persuaded to create centers of goon excellence that fund research projects.

Mutalik refused to comment on the recent attack on Prashant Bhusan. “I do not have the full details with me since the attack was carried out by one of our affiliated organizations. I will comment on it as and when I get the details,” he said. He also informed that he was in touch with various organizations to develop a National Goon Code (NGC) to ensure more cooperation between goon bodies in the future.  

Mutalik outside the venue
When asked to what he did with all the pink chaddis he received, Mutalik said that a huge consignment of that went to Pakistan. “My group received a request from a senior Taliban leader for those chaddis and we immediately shipped them across. But I am not sure as to what they did with these,” Mutalik said.

Our Mangalore correspondent adds: According to Ram Sene sources the organization's 'Dial a Goon' service signed on its 1000th customer yesterday.  "We are witnessing a phase of increase market traction for our products and we have decided to expand our reach to cover new markets in the Africa and Europe. Our Riot-in-the-Box offering has been incredibly successful in the Asian market. So far we have  focused only on the domestic and Asian markets. But that is something we plan to change in the next few months," Chavvani Lal VP operations, Sri Ram Sena said.

He also informed that a new release of the Riot-in-the-Box will be available by this month end

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Ajmal ‘brainwashed’ Kasab is Tourism ministry’s new brand ambassador

India’s tourism ministry has decided to appoint terrorist Ajmal Kasab as a brand ambassador for its new ‘Welcome to India’ campaign.

According to information published on its microsite, India’s tourism ministry will be using the services of LeT terrorist Ajmal Kasab for a new campaign. The leading international terrorist and pride of Pakistan will star in a series of online ads and roadshows aimed at positioning India as a favorable destination for all types of tourists. The campaign themed 'Welcome to India' has been conceptualized by a top advertising agency and will be launched in November to target the end of year visitors.

Truly incredible
“Kasab is the ideal brand ambassador for us. Inspite of being a ISI certified LeT terrorist we are treating him much better than our politicians. So imagine how we will be treating our tourists? That is the message we intend to convey. In fact even if you want to visit this country for terror purposes, you are more than welcome and we will soon be launching customized packages for such terrorists,” a spokesperson for the ministry said while confirming what we read on the microsite.

Home Minister P Chiduji, according to sources, has promised to release Kasab for the shoot. Kasab's lawyer Chavvani Lal who is staying in the same cell as the famous terrorist meanwhile praised the move and offered to partake in the campaign himself.

In addition to Kasab, the ministry is also considering a proposal to showcase intruding Chinese soldiers as ‘tourists’ rather than intruders. “Yes that is again something we have thought over. In fact I was planning to move a file on the proposal yesterday before my paid afternoon siesta. The big idea is that no one can stay away from India for long. You visit once – you keep coming back and that is what the Chinese soldiers are doing all the time. I wont call them intruders as they are our guests,” the bureaucrat said.  

Monday, October 10, 2011

New breed of mujahedeen causing concern in Bangalore

India’s IT capital, Bangalore has something new to worry about.

An avg pothole
According to confidential note prepared by the Intelligence Bureau, a new breed of terror infrastructure is emerging in Bangalore. The note, left casually by an IB sleuth at a pan shop in the national capital was accessed by Humor Unplugged on Sunday and our sources in IB confirmed its existence and content.

The note says that terrorists in Bangalore are using the city’s large potholes as operational bases to hide, train and motivate cadres. “Evidence on the misuse of potholes is mounting and there have been many instances of potholes on prominent roads turning into terror training grounds by night. The state government has been warned through a vague communication letter and we have washed our hands off any liability that might occur due to mujahedeen operating out of potholes,” the note said.

Sustained investigations by Humor Unplugged revealed the extent of the threat. In some instances, 13 feet wide holes were serving as ammunition dumps, some potholes were connected with other potholes to form what is called as a potnet to facilitate easy movement of men and material. The terrorists have even named themselves 'Pothole Mujaheddin' 

Our efforts to derive an official comment on the development proved futile.      

Friday, October 7, 2011

Calvin on Congress, Rahul and Sonia

Click to enlarge

Bangalore manhole fountain sets record; CM impressed

Heavy rains on Friday evening caused a manhole to explode, with water pushing a parked car several feet into the air setting a new world record.

The record breaking fountain
Bangalore’s crumbling infrastructure added another glorious chapter to its enviable history when it became the first city in the world to have a car thrown 5 feet in the air by an exploding manhole. The previous record was a puny two feet held by some obscure town in Nauru. A thrilled CM thanked the city’s civic bodies for their exceptional work and asked them to continue serving citizens with unmatched zeal.

As soon as the fountain started throwing the car upwards, a group of civic body babus gathered at the site and started cheering. The CM joined after a while by which time the car was in taters. The footage was shared with a team from the Guinness Book of Records, who confirmed the record and sent a mail documenting the achievement.

“The CM was impressed by the way the car was throw into the air like a tooth pick. He has asked us to investigate if we can convert this pressure into electricity so that all bungalows belonging to politicians can be well lit and bright,” our source in the Karnataka government said.

Humor Unplugged has obtained a video footage of the fountain originally posted by the BBC.


Thursday, October 6, 2011

Taliban launch $1 Halal tablet

The tablet war just got intense with Taliban jumping into the fray with a $1 'Halal' tablet.

Just a day after India launched a $35 android tablet, Taliban in Pakistan has announced the launch of its own cost effective shariah compliant tablet. Taliban claims the ‘Liyaaqat’ will change the way the terror group operates and will make their cadres more tech savvy. If sources are to be believed, even the Pakistani army, (which has funded the Taliban R&D team which developed the tablet) has shown a keen interest in acquiring this device for its troops.

  • 7 inch 2-color slide resistant granite-based display
  • Front and rear display units (Primary plus1)
  • Pencil backup for over 300 hours standard, 72 hours painting
  • Break and corrosion resistant granite body
  • Shariah compliant
  • Mullah-friendly design 
  • Light weight
  • 3 inch eraser upgradable to 5 inches
  • Chalk support – 12-color
  • Stylus styled pencil free 
Speaking at the launch of Liyaaqat, Taliban’s communication in-charge Mullah Somar said “we have now moved a step closer to arming our cadres with the latest tablet technology. It is a different matter that no one knows how to read and write here; but we will soon find a use for this tablet. Till such a time, our cadres can learn how to draw and waste time before heading to suicide missions”.

Humor Unplugged has learnt that Taliban is planning to launch a commercial variant of Liyaaqat which will have more features and will be priced suitably. Taliban's marketing wing tells us that their research has shown that there is a huge market for slate tablets in the border areas of Pakistan.

Microsoft’s legal team has asked Taliban to share pics of Liyaaqat. “We will examine if we can sue them on something,” our MS source said.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Shadow fun with Calvin and Hobbes

Be afraid...be very very afraid...
Click to enlarge...

$35 tablet earns Apple and MS ire, tech giants eye injunction

The launch of $35 tablet nicknamed Aakash could run into rough weather with Apple and Microsoft claiming that the device infringed on patents owned by them. Late Tuesday evening the legal team of Apple and Microsoft started working in tandem to seek injunction on display and sale of the tablet.

Union HRD minister Kapil Sibal who is driving the project asked Apple and Microsoft to ‘stand down’ and stop ‘nagging’. “What do they think this is sue-go-round? If they go ahead and file cases, I will make sure that both these companies pack their bags from India and will not be able to sell even a memory stick in this part of the world again. This is not US or EU our writ runs here and if you have a problem with it you better stand down or go on an indefinite fast,” an angry Sibal said.

Apple’s legal representatives were unsure about the specific patents violated by Aakash. “We were just told to sue everything that runs on Android. Just the other day we filed a case against some guy who wanted to sell a calculator that was based on Android. So you know how serious we are on attacking Android-based devices,” an Apple insider said.

Microsoft when contacted declined to offer a comment. But insiders say MS is ready to offer conditional nod if the Indian government was willing to share $15 for every Aakash sold.

Infosys chairman emeritus NR Narayana Murthy meanwhile lamented the poor quality of tablets for sale out there and blamed fly-by-night operators for claiming big and delivering small.  “Most of these tablets are designed by ‘coached’ IIT students and not captive code copiers and writers like the ones employed by Infosys,"NRN said.  

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Congress decides to deploy Digvijay near BJP HQ

Taking a cue from the Indian Air Force which is deploying its top line combat jet Sukhoi 30 close to the Indo-Pak border, Congress has decided to place its top line combat bull$hitter Digvijay Singh closer to the BJP headquarters.

Looking for a 1BHK...
A confidential internal note leaked by our mole in the Congress states that an order to this effect has been passed by AICC and Digvijay Singh has been asked to look out for a 1 BHK place near 11 Ashoka Road. The reason, according to our mole is that the party wants to reduce time to respond to any allegations raised by the country’s main opposition party – BJP. Digvijay has been asked to finish the transition and report to HQ by end of next week.

Analysts contacted by Humor Unplugged were not amazed by the development. “This was expected. You see Diggi is best weapon they have in their arsenal to confuse opposition and people. Offlate they had pulled him back for fine tuning and now he is ready to fire again and Congress will make full use of his upgraded long range bull$hitting abilities,” a leading analyst said.

BJP meanwhile condemned the development and threatened Congress with a no holds barred retaliation. “I will go on a cross country Rath Yata and Sushma will dance non-stop for 8 hours to protest against this unethical move. This is downright sneaky and distasteful,” senior leader L K Advani said.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Nature test fires new cloud to ground lightening

Late yesterday evening in Forsyth, Missouri, USA, nature test fired its new and deadly cloud to ground lightening.

The lightening test in progress 
In a sign of its ever decreasing tolerance of politicians and other sinners, nature late Sunday evening test fired its new lightening designed to strike terror and remorse in the hearts of delinquents.  According to our “natural sources” the test was successful and met all designated parameters. The lightening will be tested once again in another part of the world before it joins nature’s arsenal and used extensively to warn and terrorise those who have strayed from the path of humanity.

“At 022:00 hours on Sunday evening, we test fired the new cloud to ground lightening successfully. The test had validated all parameters and the lightening after another round of field trials will be available for deployment in various theaters,” was all that officially came from nature. The US' National Weather Service scientists who witnessed the event were quite impressed by the fireworks. "The sky went pink and then the lights flashed. The accompanying sounds were like the roar of a giant T-Rex that had just cornered its playful prey and I had to rush to the restroom. It was spectacular and for a moment I almost remembered all the sins I have done so far - including wrong weather predictions to prevent my mother-in-law from paying me a visit. Deep inside I was praying and seeking forgiveness from the allmighty," a scientist said.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Calvin on Planning Commission's Rs 32 threshold

Calvin is disappointed with his dad.

Click to enlarge