Posts

Showing posts from April, 2010

India ready with a ‘strong response’ on Madhuri Gupta

Image
The Indian government has prepared what it calls a strong response to Pakistan on the Madhuri Gutpa espionage saga. Our moles in the external affairs ministry have told India’s favorite blog Humor Unplugged that the government is quite concerned about the whole incident and that its response is ready and would be handed over to Pakistan over the next two days.

And what exactly is this strong response? Humor Unplugged has learnt that it is nothing other than another 17000 page dossier compiled by the Dossier Cell in the external affairs ministry in a record time of just two days. When told that the government had done nothing but compiled dossiers over the last two years, an angry S M Krishna flipped his wig (it fell on the ground with a thud). “Do you think that these dossiers amount to nothing? Do you feel these are not even worth the paper they are printed on? Are you implying that we are just supporting the recycling industry in Pakistan? Well you may be right. But then we have to…

Times of India relaunches the Aman ki Asha project

India’s much hyped newspaper Times of India has decided to launch a sequel to the much maligned Aman ki Asha project.  The sequel will be aimed making the Government of India, BCCI and beleaguered former IPL chief Lalit Modi smoke the peace pipe.

“As you are aware, our attempt at milking the India and Pakistan animosity was a big time flop. So we have decided to try Aman Ki Asha at home first and then move on to our neighborhood. Besides, we really didn’t have much to do offlate so we decided to relaunch the project and focus on the BCCI, IPL and Indian government. There is a war going on there and we desperately need to bring in peace,” Vineet Jain, MD Times Group was overheard lecturing a rookie journalist. 

India’s favorite blog, Humor Unplugged, managed to tap into the mobile phone of Sharad Pawar in the wee hours of Monday and listen in on a “high value” conversation.  In this animated chat, an angry Pawar tells Modi that if the latter brings skeletons out of BCCI’s cupboard, Pa…

Jet Airways allows ordinary citizens to divert flights

Have you always wanted to divert a scheduled flight belonging to a full service carrier, but couldn’t since you are not related to Praful Patel? No need to fret; Jet Airways, Dawood’s own airline, has come up with a new scheme that allows ordinary citizens to divert a scheduled Jet Airways flight to over 12 airports in India and abroad within a short notice. 

The new scheme to be launched in the first week of May will be available (for 90 days) to the winners of a lucky draw that will be conducted twice a week initially. Depending on the popularity, the scheme could be extended and its frequency increased to 4 times a week, sources close to Naresh Goyal told Humor Unplugged. To participate in the draw, contestants will have to dial in a toll number and answer a few questions. The winner will have to pay a contest fee and then tell Jet Airways about the specifics of diversion.

“Why should only minister’s daughters have the privilege of diverting an aircraft? We are living in a democra…

Air India introduces flight diversion form for Praful Patel's relatives

Image
Air India has introduced a new form for relatives of Union Civil Aviation Minister Praful Patel seeking to divert a scheduled flight. This form is now mandatory and the airline will not be entertaining any diversion requests without the form in the future...Humor Unplugged, India's Number one blog has managed to obtain a copy of the form. Here it is...




The business model of Indian Premier League

Image

What if the Indian government owned the Indian Premier League??

Lalloo Prasad Yadav, one of the cleanest politicians in India has asked the government to nationalize the Indian Premier League. Humor Unplugged finds out how the IPL would look under GoI management…
IPL’s new name will be Jawahar Lal Nehru National Premier League   The cheer leaders will be replaced by Kathak, Oddisi, Bharatanatyam dancersDoordarshan will have the sole broadcasting rights to the event and ads will be aired after every run is scored. Ads will also be running till the bowl is actually released from the bowlers hand. DD will not be responsible for the quality of broadcast  Every team will have slots reserved for OBCs, SCs and STs, minorities and other categories. Only one foreign player will be allowed per team, preference will be given to PIOs. Rest of the players will be recruited through the Union Public Service Commission  All teams will be renamed after local politicians  Each franchisee will have a babu on board and the government will be a majority stakeholder Air…

Images for the week gone by...Mafiosi

Image
The Mafiosi...they are watching ya..

At the IPL HQ in Mumbai


 Its the national Bermuda day...



Summer is here...

The Meerkat twins...ready for action

Phone tapping rampant in India: confidential report

According to a confidential report accessed by Humor Unplugged phone tapping has become a epidemic in the nation with one in 100000 phones being tapped in one way or other by government agencies. The report prepared by a government funded academic institution has brought to light several facts hidden behind a veil of official secrecy and bureaucratic red tape. The findings of the report wont be released to the public until 2095 or till such a time that Dev Anand stops making movies.

The report says that the tapping of phones belonging to celebrities, sport stars, politicians and business honchos is commonplace. What is however startling is that the government had even tapped the phones of maids and domestic help of several politicians. The tapping was done to gather information on their affairs with maids and nannies and the information collected has been stored in servers for posterity. The information, sources say, would be used to blackmail several politicians and strengthen the g…

Eyjafjallajokull volcano causes pandemonium in parliament

As and when minister for civil aviation Praful Patel rose to speak on the status of flights crossing Europe and mentioned the word Eyjafjallajokull, all hell broke loose. Opposition MPs accused the minister of mocking them and using an unparliamentary word to "abuse" the opposition.

The oppositions grouse was that the word Eyjafjallajokull had "obscene" connotation and Praful Patel AKA Awful Patel had used the word to demean the opposition. No amount of explanation or statements from Praful and finance minister Pranab Mukherjee could calm the angry MPs and some of them decided to take things in their own hand. 

Opposition MP Chavvani Lal who has the unique reputation of being thrown out of parliament in every session since 1985, led a group of MPs to the well of the house and tried to snatch papers from a bewildered speaker. Not to be outdone, speaker Meira Kumar used chilly spray to disperse the mob and asked the guards to use cattle prods to rein in unruly membe…

Things you won’t hear by the end of IPL Season 3

India’s number one blog Humor Unplugged puts together a series of statements that will never be made after season 3 of IPL ends.

This was the least controversial of all IPLs so farShobha De just loves Sunanda PushkarKolkata Knight Riders were the deserving winners Loss of captaincy did not affect Yuvraj muchMumbai Indians’ form had nothing to do with Tendulkar’s formRoyal Challengers Bangalore was the most focused team in the eventBlack money has no role in IPLShilpa Shetty has proved to be a lucky mascot for Rajasthan Royals Lalit Modi’s style of functioning is coolWe really missed the controversy over Fake IPL player this time aroundPoliticians are good for sports in IndiaThe MRF blimp was the best thing about IPL season 3

Images for the week gone by...

Image
"How come grownups are playing with stones? I don't understand" After a protest by a group of stone throwers, a kid is left pondering how mature adults actually are...




Your helmet is so out of fashion...Protester to cop


The only protection against the stink generated by 'sweat equity'



Spiderman Spiderman does whatever a spider can. Spins a web, any size, catches thieves just like flies Look Out! Here comes the Spiderman.


Another aspiring Spiderman




When time froze




Cute lill bugs :)



Finally...a prayer for peace...everywhere

Modi Vs Tharoor: another scoop

IPL chairman Lalit Modi had drawn up ambitious plans to make moolah from his ongoing tiff with Minister of state for External Affairs, Shashi Tharoor. Sources close to Modi have told India’s number one blog Humor Unplugged that there was more to the whole episode than what appeared in the mainstream media and that Modi was determined to milk the whole episode for its monetary worth. This was before the IT sleuths moved in and the fight took political overtones, forcing Modi to abandon his plans.

Sources say that in the initial hours of the fight, Modi contacted his friends in the media and asked them to bid for receiving juicy sound bites on the incident from him. A base price was fixed for using these soundbites on various channels like press, television, web and even social media. A part of the rights for his sound bites were handed over to his relatives who didn’t have to bid. Modi went on to assure the bidding participants that they would have the exclusive rights for propagating…

Mayawati's matrimonial ad appears in Pakistani newspapers

Image
The Indian government has strongly denied media reports that it had secretly issued matrimonial ads for Mayawati in various Pakistani newspapers last week. The denial was issued by minister for denials on Monday morning.


“I have seen reports that have claimed that the Indian government was behind a series of matrimonial advertisements that appeared in various Pakistani papers few days back. I would like to state that my government is not in the business of furthering the matrimonial interests of individuals. We have better things to do and are no way connected with any ads that have appeared anywhere,” the minister said in an exclusive interview given to India’s no.1 blog, Humor Unplugged.

Our investigations have revealed that over the course of the last 7 days, over 10 advertisements for a groom for an Indian bride have appeared in the matrimonial section of various Pakistani newspapers. A close scrutiny of the ad revealed that it did mention details that could be linked to the UP …

Indian government mulling ban on conjoint celeb names

Government of India is seriously considering a proposal to bar the media from using conjoint names for celebrities who are in a relationship. Union minister for page 3 and extra martial affairs Chavvani Lal disclosed this to Humor Unplugged over a Skype chat on Friday evening.

The Indian government has been angry with the media here for a while for using their “256 Kb RAM imagination” to refer to celeb couples. “There was utter crap like Saifeena, Brangelena, Abhiash, Neeity and Shauri. If that was not enough now they have brought in another disaster called Shoania and this is where the Line of Control for our patience lies. I have had a meeting with top bureaucrats from my ministry and we have all agreed that a legislation should be enacted soon to curb the media from referring to a celeb couple using a mixture of their first names,” Lal told India’s number one blog Humor Unplugged.

Urging the media to be more imaginative, Lal said “This practice has its origin in ancient Egypt wher…

Dantewada: another chapter of valor written in blood by our armed forces

Image
It was indeed a sight I will never forget. The year 1999, a young toddler lighting the funeral pyre of his brave father, the valiant Sqn Ldr Ajay Ahuja, who had laid down his life inside Pakistan occupied Kashmir during the Kargil war.


Last week’s massacre of CRPF brave hearts in Chhattisgarh brought back memories of the 1999 war. The scene was a bit different this time around since the enemy is home grown and raised by the very soil that has nurtured the brave souls who laid down their lives fighting their cowardly opponents.

For many Indians, there is no bigger pain than seeing its brave sons asleep in coffins draped in national flag with their name, rank and the name of their regiment etched by the side. They were never meant to die so early, leaving behind teary eyed wives, mothers sons, daughters (some of whom are too young to comprehend the sorrow) and unfulfilled dreams. 

While the maoists are nothing but brain dead scum of our country, there is another class of amoeba braine…

Chinese hackers accidentally attack state server

Over enthusiastic Chinese hackers on a routine hacking mission accidentally hacked into one of their own servers, causing much embarrassment to the government of China. Sources close to the Chinese government told Humor Unplugged that a group of official hackers had indeed hacked into a key server hosting information stolen from government and corporate servers across the world by Chinese hackers.

“Server h86756 which had information we had pilfered from the governments of India, US, Canada and Australia, was hacked at 1 pm (GMT) today. We managed to trace the attacks back to China and further investigations revealed that the attacks were carried out by one of our teams. They thought that the server was a foreign one and had valuable data that would be of use to the Chinese government,” China’s minister for hacking and other unethical online practices, Yukk Thoo Chin told Humor Unplugged.

The group had managed to place Trojans in the server and copy over 3 GB of data before exiting gr…

Mamata at her comic best...

Funniest parts of Mamata Banerjee's railway budget speech in parliament...enjoy

The top 10 posts of 2009

NIRMA urges Sania Mirza to thread cautiously

India's premier relationship advisory agency National non Institutional Relationship Management Authority (NIRMA)has issued a lengthy advisory to tennis sensation Sania Mirza over her impending marriage to Pakistani cricketer Shoaib Malik. The advisory was issued by the body on Friday and Sania will be receiving a copy of the same by Saturday, sources told Humor Unplugged.

"After analyzing 37 parameters and conducting a comprehensive blood sample analysis, we have come to the conclusion that Sania Mirza is on a rebound. She has to wait for sometime before she gets into this relationship, so that she is mentally and physically prepared. Right now she in a hurry to move away from her previous relationship. Its written all over her and she needs to be extremely cautious right now," NIRMA chairman Chavvani Lal said.

NIRMA was established by the Indian government in 2007 to offer advise and guidance to help couples manage and sustain their relationship. The national body has…

Funny images for the week...Pakistani nuclear Walmart

Image
You dont wanna monkey around with this cop in Thailand

Yeah, but we would ignore a little of our Grammar rights

At the Pakistani nuclear Walmart...walk in with your credit card and walk out with a nuke weapon..
No one has seen Mahesh Bhatt for a while On one side of the banner in Karachi

This is the other side of the banner...after sometime