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Showing posts from April, 2009

If Mayawathi were to become the PM

* Half the country will have gardens named after Mayawathi, the other half Kanshi Ram
* A statue of hers that is bigger than the Gometeshwara will be erected in the national capital and all state capitals
* Shoot at sight orders on pigeons
* All historic national monuments will be converted into malls, provided sufficient money is deposited in the Mayawathi relief fund
* National Security Act will be imposed on the entire Nehru-Gandhi clan
* Ladies wearing bikini will be booked under NSA
* Those who call her auntyji or grannyji will be booked under NSA
* All tax collections will be automatically channeled to her account
* Her birthday will be a national holiday
* On her birthday, every collector will have to go on a money collection drive and deposit at least 30 crores in the mayawathi birthday fund
* All visiting dignitaries will receive an autographed copy of her pic; (am sure they will never visit this place again). This method will also be used to thr…

We reveal the real fake IPL player

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Taliban and the promise of change

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A Taliban hoarding in Islamabad

Taliban loves the Indian media..the evidence

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A hoarding that was placed by Taliban in Islamabad...

Pak planning multiple time zones

Pakistan is planning to have multiple time zones to cater to this need raised by several sections of society there. An announcement to this effect was made by Interior minister Ghulam Sher Khan in Islamabad on Wednesday.

“Each time zone will be name after a terrorist who could be found in that an area on that longitude. For example, a time zone based on Longitude: 67° 02 will be called Dawood Standard Time, while the one based on 71 21' will be called Osama standard time,” Khan said. Pakistan has said that this was being done to honor the great terrorists who have placed the country firmly on the international map and has attracted global condemnation.

When reminded of Pakistan’s pledge in the so called war on terror, Khan claimed that this was his country’s way of giving clues to the US. “What can we do if they don’t come down and bomb these places back to stone age? I mean anyway half of our nation is already in stone age, so what difference will that make,” he asked.

Taliban Prem…

Unwanted parties and their real names

Unwanted parties and their real names
These parties are a curse on the nation and its citizens. Not only have they been formed to massage the ego of anti-socials, they have also doing their best to prevent the nation from progressing. How I wish they would just vanish from the political landscape of the country.

BSP : Bogus Scum Party
SP: Socialite Party
CPI: Chinese Party of India, Clowns Party of India, Crooks Party of India, Cheapo Party of India
LJP: Lackadaisical Jokers Party, Locusts Janata Party
PMK: Pyjamatic Machiavellian Kleptomaniacs
RJD: Rogues Jokers and Dacoits
JD (s): Janata Dull (Sleep)
NCP: Namby-Pamby Clowns Party
PDP: Peoples Demise Party
AGP: Association of Goons and Pests
JMM: Jokers and Mischief Mongers
TMC: Tata Munching Club

Politicians demand Shoe Sat-1 launch

The National Association of Politicians (NAP) has asked ISRO to help protect them from shoes and projectiles. A demand to this effect was made by NAP chairman Chavvani Lal a few days back.

Confirming the news, Lal said “We have heard that ISRO has remote sensing satellites that can track not just the weather, but also the movement of ‘shoe like objects’ on earth. We have therefore asked them to work on a satellite designed to track such objects being flung at them and issue alerts well in advance so that evasive measures can be deployed”.

Lal hopes that the forewarning would be sufficient to not just avoid shoe-gates but also deter shoe flingers. He has also asked national broadcaster Doordarshan to telecast shoe forecast bulletins till such a time that the craze for footwear flinging is over. “They are already showing weather bulletins. We just want them to them to broadcast a separate capsule showing the probability of shoes raining from the sky; you know like “garaj key saath jutey …

The Shoe Protection Group to take shape

Indian politicians have unanimously asked the Indian government to set up a special group of commandos to protect them from shoes and other stuff hurled at them by disgruntled citizens.

Chavvani Lal, spokesperson of the Politicians of India and Surrounding Sites (PISS), a body formed to protect the interests of two-penny bribe guzzling politicians has launched a vitriolic attack against shoe throwers. “These guys are shoe-dlums they are a huge danger to the shoeciety and must be thrown into the Arabian Shoe,” an angry Lal said.

PISS has asked the government to raise a group of trained commandoes called SPG (Shoe Protection Group) to protect them from shoes. “This is becoming so common now-a-days; the other day my paperwala, barber and even the grocery guy flung a slipper at me. That day was so bad that even my wife threw a slipper at me. When I asked her, she simply smiled and said that she couldn’t resist,” a politician told this blogger on condition of anonymity. “The other day I wen…

How much do priety and shilpa know about cricket? :))

They think...

* That a test match is named so because it tests your patience
* Nightwatchmen often speak with a Nepalese accent
* Pie chuckers are guys who start a food fight
* Crease is a hard to remove stain
* Doosra is a term used to refer to the "woh" in pati and patni's relationship
* A keeper is someone who safeguards the valuables of batsmen while they are on the field
* All-rounder is someone who can date more than one babe at a time
* LBW happens when a batsman stares at a cheer leader, looses focus and gets out...(they did some research on this one)
* Man of the match is someone they should date
* Nelson is Mandela's first name
* Bouncers are guys who work in bars
* Powerplay is an unparliamentary word and must not be discussed outside bedrooms..
* Underarm is a place where deo sprays must be generously used
* Yorker is someone from the big apple

The National Shoe Act - 2009

Government of India is seriously considering enacting a National Shoe and Projectile Act to control shoe throwers let loose on the nation. Our sources in the Government have helped us procure a copy of this act and I am producing the same here to inform the esteemed readers of this blog.

Highlights of the new law:

1) If a shoe is thrown at a target with the intend of hurting his ego, insulting him or his party or to make fun of him, the following will apply:

• The size of shoe should not be less than size 9 and 5 cms in diameter
• The shoe should weight atleast 800 grams
• The shoe should be flung in a manner to create maximum insult
• There should be atleast one camera capturing the event
• The shoe should not be less a month old
• The shoes should be certified as “throw worthy” by a body set up to regulate shoe throwing to be called National Shoe Authority (NSA)
• The National Shoe Authority will, if needed, certify shoes to be thrown on various categories of people …

Need your help Mr Obama..

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US keeps saying good Taliban and bad Taliban…What exactly is the difference between the two? How do you differentiate them?? After a few attempts I gave up…can Mr Obama help me??


Clintonspeak

Former president of US, Bill Clinton in conversation with Rajcreep.

RS: Whats happening with you these days? We are not seeing you much in the international lecture circuit.

BC: I have been quite busy offlate. Lots of work, you see.

RS: But the elections are over and Hillary Bhabi is already the SoS; so what exactly is it that you are working on??

BC: Lots of things are keeping me busy. I have to take care of all dues related to the interns we had hired for her campaign. I am personally handling that.

RS: In hindsight, were you happy with her becoming SoS. You had expressed your disappointment at her not becoming the president.

BC: Yeah that’s right. I wanted her to have more responsibilities. She is a very capable lady and should have got what she deserved which is no less than the office of the President of US.

RS: Come on. Please don’t lie here..lets have the truth.

BC: Actually I wanted her to take over a bigger role as I wanted her to be more busy so that I could spend more time with th…

Good new for all shoe throwers

Jarnail Singh, the guy who gained his 15 minutes of fame by throwing a shoe at an amused home minister, has just finished writing the last chapter of his autobiography aptly titled “Sho(e)t @ Sight”.

Jobless movie director Mahesh Rutt has said that he will convert this book into a movie. The role of Jarnail will be played by none other than their inhouse hero cum vacuum cleaner Emrun Chaseme while a non descript heroine (this time a Pakistani model) will essay his love interest.

“The movie will be an action thriller focusing on the agony of a man who is betrayed by his girl friend, a Hong Kong-based oriental martial arts guru and the daughter of a Chinese billionaire. The twist in the tale comes when the hero’s pet cat is stolen by a cartel of drug dealers from Venezuela,” Rutt said. When a reporter asked him about the connection between the movie and the shoe, Rutt ducked the question by pretending to faint.

Meanwhile, shoe maker Pike has announced that it is designing a special shoe t…

How hot is it????Find out

The mercury is indeed soaring. But then how much has the temp gone up? Find out here..



• China says Antarctica is part of its territory and is planning to move troops to annex it
• Lallo was trying hard to open the window of an aircraft at 30000 ft
• People were flocking to Menaka Gandhi, just to get one of those cold stares
• Babus at Ministry of Defense have asked the government to move them to Siachen
• Pakistan says ‘India-based elements’ have a hand in rising temperature
• The third front’s poll manifesto promises a 4-5 degree drop in temp, if voted to power
• Netas were seen distributing tender coconuts, instead of blankets, at poll rallies
• Arnab Ghostsawme is now hosting newsnight wearing just a baniyan
• Headlines Today may allow female anchors to host shows wearing a bikini
• India TV has reported that the world will end in another 3 days
• Al Gore has started a new website – itoldyathiswillhappen.com
• Ghost Rider’s sequel will have the hero throwing ice cubes instead of fire
• Kin…

We want India to be a shoe-per power

Professional shoe throwers in India have come together under the banner of Selfless Hammering of Expression (SHOE) club. They are demanding a greater say in the democratic process and a platform for their voice to be heard. Our correspondent Rajcreep met up with the head of SHOE, Chavvani Lal. Heres the exclusive.

RS: People are throwing slippers and shoes everywhere. Isn’t that a wrong trend?
CL: I don’t think so Rajcreep. You see we have empowered the masses with another platform for expressing their grievances. You see not everyone is a journo like you; not everyone can blog like this crazy guy from Bangalore who blogs day in and day out and creates all kinds of stories and not everyone can stand in elections. So we need to have a powerful means of disposing our grievances with such powerful jokers.

RS: I can empathize, but why use a shoe? Cant you throw anything else? A pen maybe…
CL: If I throw a pen, no one will notice. We need to throw something that can get the message across in…

Taliban puts up hoardings announcing their arrival

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Ghostly orb caught on cam...

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Taliban to introduce branded merchandise

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After being ranked as the #1 terrorist organization in the world, the Taliban wants to leverage the positioning to rake in the big bucks. Taliban is planning to introduce a series of branded merchandise to potential markets in Asia and America. This was revealed by Mullah Jamar, VP, Branding and Market Relations, Taliban on last week in Islamabad.

“Everybody knows us. Most folks have heard of our bragging and the things we do every now and then. We therefore decided to leverage our brand equity to sell a range of Taliban branded merchandise,” Jamar said. The range Jamar is referring to includes mugs, teddy bears, t shirts, shorts, fake beards, donkey glasses and head bands. Taliban is also planning to introduce mechanized Mullah Omar, Osama and Baitullah Massood toys to capture the imagination of kids.

To popularize the merchandise, Taliban has entered into a strategic alliance with Martoon Network, which will bring out animated series on top Taliban bosses. The toon series will depic…

Indian politicians suffering from Karmic malnutrition

The verdict is out..politicians in India are indeed suffering. A study conducted by the Timbuktoo-based Institute of Karmic Studies has revealed that 9 out of every 10 politician in the country is suffering from what the institute terms a severe case of “self-induced Karmic malnutrition”.

The study spanning two years, conducted across the nation by renowned psyco-spiritualist Dr. Hammerschmidst, has thrown up some interesting findings that will be shared with readers in this article. Addressing a hurriedly called up press conference in Guwahati, Dr. Hammerschmidst said that this study will go a long way in “putting things in perspective”. “This is already harming the nation and if we don’t do something, the long term impact could be catastrophic for the whole region,” the eccentric doc said.

The study rated Indian politicians on the following parameters:
• The ability to take on work and complete it
• The passion to do quality work
• The ability to make a positive difference to the lives o…

US to give $ 7 bn to North Korea

Continuing with its promise of promoting rogue states, US has announced that it will be providing $ 7 bn to North Korea. An announcement to this affect was made by US Secretary of State Hillary Clinton in Washington on Friday, as North Korea was preparing to launch an inter-continental ballistic missile (ICBM) in the guise of a satellite launch.

The North Korean drama comes days after US offered similar aid to Pakistan. The Obama administration had called that as a “down payment for securing America’s future”. Apparently, this act was not worthy of such a complex jargon. “We have always believed in empowering rogue states so that they can threaten their neighborhood and jeopardize global security. Pakistan was the first rogue state and North Korea is the second one. The message is clear we will only give you aid if you are either harboring terrorists, promoting and sustaining terror groups, threatening regional stability, violating human rights, launching attacks against peaceful …

You know its election time when…

A strange sub species of human beings called psephologists appear on national television
You see your local MLA\MP after 4 1\2 years
Our local netaji start talking about the “constructive role of youth in nation building”
Politicians start blogging
The instances of burglary, murder, fraud and looting come down (since all goons are busy campaigning)
Your local bhai gives you a hafta
Inflammatory speech CDs replace sting op CDs
Booze starts flowing in from your local water supply pipes
Politicians drop in to your house more frequently than your paper guy
Arnab Ghostsawme gets a new pen to poke at his audience
Rajcreep Sardesai dyes his hair
Cyrus Brochure gets serious
Pranoy Toy and his carom\bar buddies appear together on national television
MTV starts talking politics
Theres a national debate on Jayalalitha’s weight, Mayawathi’s beauty parlor and Mamta’s etiquette coach
IPL action is pushed to page 3